Chapter 237
Scooter was stretched out on the sofa taking care of the doll that Billie had charged him with babysitting. He probably wasn’t doing a very good job, not knowing the first thing about infants, but sticking the bottle in the doll’s mouth seemed to satisfy his niece for childcare.
“Uncle Scooter? How come I have a dad?” That wasn’t the winding-up-for-a-tantrum voice; it sounded like genuine curiosity.
Scooter tipped his head backward to look at her, upside down. She was cooking over the play stove that Eleanor bought her. “Almost everyone does, honey,” he said. “That’s how it works.”
“How whatworks? I never had a dad before. How come the spit test thing says Simon’s my dad?”
Scooter inhaled. Oh, fuck, Mace. “Your mom never talked to you about that?” He sat up, slow, keeping the baby doll on his lap so she didn’t fuss.
“Mom said I didn’t need a dad,” Billie reminded him. “But Uncle Andy says Simon was always my dad, just Mom didn’t want him to live with us.”
“Well, there’s a difference between a father and a dad, honey,” Scooter said. Jesus, explaining the birds and the bees? He drew in a slow breath and let it out. “Okay, here’s the thing, sweetie, in order to have a baby, you need to have three things. Girl DNA, Boy DNA, and a womb to grow it in. So, your mom made the girl DNA and she had you in her stomach, in her womb, for nine months, while you grew from a two-celled little embryo into a baby. But she got the boy DNA from Simon.”
Billie looked down at her own stomach and poked at it curiously. “How does the boy deenay get inside? Do you hafta eat it?”
Scooter made a face. Jesus, don’t think of that, do not, I absolutely forbid you thinking about that. “Okay, let’s see where our common ground is. You know that girl bits are different from boy bits, right? Your private parts?”
She nodded. “One of the kids on the beach, his swimsuit fell off while he was comin’ out of the water an’ his peepee was hangin’ all out.”
Oh dear God.“Okay, I guess I missed that,” he said. “Well, when people get older—because right now you have to use all your energy for growing up—they can make babies. A boy will put his part, it’s called a penis, but please try not to say that word too much in public, okay? It makes adults nervous. Anyway, he puts it inside a girl’s bits. Her vagina. And there’s a tube that goes right up to where a girl’s womb is, and sometimes it makes a baby there.”
Billie looked horrified. She stared at him with big, round eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Scooter said. “It’s biology, so it’s kinda messy by default. But nice.”
Her face crumpled up like he’d asked her to eat turnips. “It sounds really gross. Simon really did that to my mom?”
Not really something I want to think about, kiddo! “He did that with her, yes,” Scooter said. “People do it—intercourse—because they like to. It feels good. When you’re a grown-up. Right now, your body’s not ready for that. But when you get older. Not everybody likes it, but most people do.”
She looked extremely dubious. “Did you ever do it?”
Scooter could feel the heat on his neck so bad it was a wonder his hair didn’t catch on fire. “Yes,” he said, finally, deciding that lying was right out of the question. “But not with girls. Your uncle Andy is my husband, you know that, right?”
“You do that with Uncle Andy?” she squeaked, shocked. “But Uncle Andy can’t make a baby! He doesn’t have girl deenay!”
“I know,” Scooter said. Not that it was going to matter, because after this conversation was over, he was never, ever having sex again. Oh, God. “But it still feels good. Making a baby is only one reason to have intercourse. People do it because it feels good, and because they want to be close with their partner. Like…like hugging. You know how it feels good to hug someone you love? Touching other people that we like sets off hormones that make us feel good. And when you care about someone a lot, those hormones are really powerful.”
Billie made another face. “I don’t wanna do that never,” she said. “Gross.” She frowned a little. “Did Mom and Simon care about each other a lot?”
Shit. “I don’t know, Billie,” he said. “Your mom and I didn’t talk a lot. Simon told me an’ Andy that he asked your mom to stay here with him. I guess you know what she thought of that idea. She was pretty upset at the time; she may…well, you know how you eat ice cream when you’re upset and it makes it a little better? Your mom may have gotten with Simon to help her feel better. And then she had you, and I know she loved you, so much, so in the long run, it really did help her feel better.”
“She should’a just had some ice cream,” Billie said, as if she thought that would be an infinitely better idea. “But then I guess she wouldn’t have me.”
“Well, I’m pretty glad you’re here,” Scooter said. “I know I wouldn’t trade you for all the ice cream, ever.”
She beamed at him. “Even with sprinkles an’ whipped cream?”
“If I had to make a choice, I would take you over all the ice cream in the world. Ever.”
Billie considered that. “Does that mean I can have your ice cream from now on?”
“I see your Auntie Kat’s been teaching you all the important life lessons,” Scooter said. “But no, nobody’s making that particular offer right now. I’ll get back to you if it becomes a legit problem that we need to worry about, okay?”
She giggled and went back to tending her pretend cookery. After a few minutes, she said, “Ice cream is better. You get to share ice cream with everyone.”
“Someday, a very long time from now, I’ll remind you that you said that,” Scooter said. He took a deep breath and let it out. Okay. That was…mostly okay. Probably. He pulled out his phone and texted Andy. Sorry babe. Nvr hvng sex again.