confessions
Astrid’s p.o.v
I watched him watch me, not really knowing how this was going to go down. “why were you cruel to me?” i said the first thing that had been nagging me since i found out that he had ‘feelings’ for me,
“ahh'“ he said, looking at me like he did not expect that i would ask that. “i honestly don’t know. I was frustrated at that point and you were my new play thing” i stared at him for a while before i sighed. i really could not get mad at the answer.
That was after all the main reason that i was given to him. I was sacrificed to be his plaything.
“then Caelum?” i said, noticing how he became uncomfortable at the question.
“i guess it was going to come sooner or later huh?” he gave an uncomfortable chuckle but i was not buying it. I looked at him, waiting for him to give me a response. “the truth….” he hesitated, scratching his head, looking at me. “the truth is, i was jealous” he said in a rush, i almost did not get it.
My eyes widened involuntarily. ‘Orion, the Orion, was Jealous’ i almost laughed at the thought. “you want me to believe that?” i said, giving him a deadpanned looked.
“i noticed how you would lighten up each and every time he was around, or how you would look around during breakfast or dinner and subconsciously relax when you saw him around. It did not matter that i tried my best.”
“that is not…”
“i once put bread on your plate and even cut your meat into sizeable portions but you did not even eat it. Instead, you looked around the room and when your gaze landed on Caelum you took a bite of the meal only after he nodded” his voice was not accusatory i think that was the part that infuriated me.
‘did i really do that?’ i thought as i looked at him in disbelief
“i could not take it. I started to get irritated. I wanted to show you that i could treat you just like he did, if not nicer, so i ki- sent him back to my father and pretended to be him, in hopes that when the time is right, you would have warmed up to me and not be mad” he looked so sincere that i could not help but be amused.
“you went through all that because you were jealous?” it was difficult to get my head around it,. ‘he definitely had other reasons’ i thought as i looked him over and over.
“why do you find it hard to believe?” he looked a little… hurt? I shook my head. ‘this was basically the effect of the drug that Lady gave me. It was basically altering my brain chemistry and making me see things that actually did not exist.
“you know what? It’s fine” i said waving my hands at him. “can you then explain to me this thing about espers and guides? Cealum? Or was it you told me about it before, but i want to hear it from you! Directly from your mouth!” he seemed eager, almost too eager to answer the question.
“i would gladly answer that” he said with a smile. My hands itched to wipe that smile off his face. “you must have heard from him the concept of a soul mate?” he asked to which i nodded. Caelum had explained this part. “ well a guide is basically one that completes an esper. An esper is one with the powers most of the time, and they need someone to help them control their powers, most times, this help can be emotionally.”
“then when i first came here, he mentioned something about me dying if i don’t get to be properly suited for you” i asked, holding my breath as i waited for him to answer the question. If he confirmed that it was true, i might as well take a knife to my throat this instance because i was sure as hell that i was not compatible with him.
“ahh” he said, rubbing his neck, an action i had come to realize actually made me nervous. “well, yes and no. An Esper chooses their mate, conscious and or unconsciously. And your partner has to me a vessel to conduct that energy freely from your body, sort of a way to channel your energy before it corrupts you. In most cases when you don’t choose a well suited vessel, it crashes” i felt fear grip my body as he said that. Of course i had no intention of guiding him, but the thought of it alone.
Asides that, the thought of being called a ‘vessel’ did not sit right with me. As though he read my thoughts, he added quickly. “of course you are more than just that, a vessel i mean”
“are you trying to punish me?” my question must have thrown him off balance because he looked at me weird. “you are not even sure that we can be compatible in the way you say and you already asked me to guide you? For life??"!!!” i felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
“of course not!!!” he snapped before he regained himself. “of course not” he said in a much calmer voice. “i would never do that. I am certain that we would because i sense a connection Astrid, i am sure of us.” the way he said those words made the butterflies in my stomach to come to life. “and i know things are fucked up right now, but do you genuinely not feel it?” i wanted to lie, to say i felt nothing but as i opened my mouth, i could not bring myself to say it.
“do you really think we can actually be together?” i said instead, looking at the man that sat across the room from me.
“of course!!” i did not miss the way he tightened his fist. It was quiet for a while, with neither of us saying nothing, then he spoke up. “i am serious about you, you know. This goes against everything, my father, the principles of my kingdom to breed pure blooded Martians for the throne.. everything. But i am willing to fling everything i stand for into the wind if you would please accept this unbreakable life long commitment” i felt the heat rise up to my cheeks as the intensity of the words hit me.