92. I’ll Only Kiss Emara

92. I’ll Only Kiss Emara
Dakota Black

“I am thinking of buying an ice cream truck.” I whisper, imagining Emara running towards me with open arms.

“I would make all her favourite flavours and give them to her for free, with bonus hugs.”

My inside giggles as I imagine her pouting at me when I refuse to give her free ice cream.

Hugs first, madam!

“Are you even listening to me?” Xavier sets his glass down, perfectly in the center of coaster, “You are being completely irrational right now!”

I roll my eyes. Damn control freak!

“This is not love, Dakota. This is obsession. Crazy level!” He tells me after dissecting my brain with his psychological tools.

“How?” I sip my drink.

“Real love means sacrifice. It means respecting the other person’s choice.” His voice calm like Mother Teresa.

“Stop trying to lure her into your trap. If she doesn’t want to be with you, then let her go.”

Something twists sharply inside my chest. The ice cream truck vanishes from my imagination, and so does Emara from my arms.

“Deep down.. I do want to let her go.” I whisper, staring into the dark abyss of my glass.

“My heart says, she deserves someone better.” I mutter, watching the ice melt slowly, “But then my mind says, who the fuck is better than me!”

A slow, wolfish smirk crawls across my face as I suddenly remember who I am.

Only Gods can be better than me!

“Your this attitude will take you down. Mark my words.” Xavier shakes his head like a disappointed dad.

“It pains me deeply to see a brilliant mind like yours reduced to this drunk, delusional, and completely ruined by one woman.”

I stare back at him with heavy, unfocused gaze.

“The man who feared nothing, is now hopelessly terrified of losing a girl.” His blunt words cut deeply through me.

“I won’t destroy my life over her, or any girl.” I swallow hard, before saying, “I worked too hard to reach here, and I won’t let anyone fuck me over again.”

Xavier raises his brow, unconvinced by my drunk words.

“And I remember.. I promised you I would let her go.” I tell him, almost soberly.

“If she finds a guy who is better than me and makes her happy.. I will happily step aside and leave her alone.”

The words taste like ash in my mouth, and I take another long sip, forcing them down.

“But until then.. I am going to keep trying my luck.” A bitter chuckle escapes me, and I look up at my psychiatrist. 

“And someone once told me.. I have Devil’s luck.” I flash a grin, causing him to roll his eyes in return.

We drink in silence for a few long moments, letting the whiskey warm our throats and numb our thoughts.

“I should go.” I down the rest of my drink in one gulp and slam the glass on the table, “I have to wake up early and go see Emara.”

“You mean.. Go to the office?” Xavier raises his judging brow at me.

“Yes. Office too.” I giggle, pushing myself up from the chair. The floor tilts dangerously, and I stumble a little.

Damn! This whiskey is whiskeying.

“Woah! Hold on there.” Xavier stands up quickly, catching my arm to steady me before I could kiss the floor.

I’ll only kiss Emara.

“Easy there!” He says, slipping his one arm around me like I am some fragile old lady who needs assistance for crossing the road.

“You are strong, Xavy.” I chuckle, “Do you wanna fight?”

He stops, and stares at me with the gaze of a doctor.

“Are you taking your pills on time?” He asks me in his concerned clinic tone.

“I don’t need pills. I need Emara.” I lean on him slightly, laughing under my breath, “I think.. She can cure me.”

“How?” He sounds surprised, “With black magic and voodoo dolls?”

“With her hugs.” I sigh dreamily, “She can take all my pain away.”

“Yeah, by shooting a bullet right through your head!” Xavier mutters, “Quick and permanent.”

My drunk laugh bounces through the empty corridor as we walk towards the parking, arm in arm.

“I would gladly give her my head.” I declare openly, “She already took my heart.”

“She will take your money too.” Xavier comments dryly, “And the way she is, might as well take your kidneys and liver.”

“She can take whatever she wants.” I say, almost falling sideways. “I would give her the whole damn world on a silver tray.”

“God! You sound so dramatic.” Xavier yanks me upright, and I chuckle, “I am not the same since I met her.”

“Yeah, I can see you have gone insane.” He states, dragging me to my car.

“You don’t get it!” I whine, clinging to his shoulder, “She is perfect.”

“She is perfectly capable of destroying your life.” He shoots back.

“I would cross oceans for her.” I yell, completely lost in my own head.

“You can’t even walk properly right now.” Xavier growls, opening the car door.

The world spins around me, while he pushes me inside. I stumble into the backseat as I say, “I would do anything for her.”

“Famous last words ever spoken.” He says, slamming the door shut.

I press my forehead against the cool window, watching Xavier stand there with hands in pockets and staring at me like I am incurable.

As the car starts moving, I close my eyes for a blissful second when someone shakes me to wake up, “Sir?”

I blink slowly, Charlie’s blurred face glances back at me from driver’s seat, “We have reached home, sir.”

I look outside and notice we are parked in front my two storey villa. We are home already!

“Thanks, Charlie.” I stumble out of the car, “Sorry.. For this late. You can go home now.”

He says something concerning, but I am half way walking towards my Home-Sweet-Home.

Well, just home!

Because the sweet left me.

With heavy steps, I climb the stairs to my room. But my feet suddenly stops in front of her door.

With a soft click, I enter her room. 

I never dared to touch anything in this room, since the day she left. 

The bedsheet. Pillows. Her makeup stuff scattered on the dresser. Even the clothes she touched.

Everything is exactly as she left it.

I am scared that if I move anything.. Her scent, her touch, her memories will disappear.

I lie down on the bed, beside her spot, and pull the sloth soft toy into my arms, the one I won for her.. The one she left behind.

I close my eyes, imagining her lying next to me, sharing the same pillow under the moonlight, and sleeping peacefully.

“I miss you so much, baby.” I whisper, hugging the sloth plushie tightly against my chest.

“Xavier doesn’t understand me.” I pout, “I can’t replace you with any amount of success in this world.”

I need you, like oxygen.

I wish all this money could buy me a time machine, and I could go back to the night when Emara was still sleeping in this bed.

“I should have told you before..” I murmur to the soft toy, hugging it tighter. 

That I have been in love with you for years.. Since that party night.

I have to tell her. Yes! She needs to know.

I pull out my phone. As if my fingers have their own operating system, they dial her number from the memory of my heart, and tap on call.

“Emarah..”