Chapter 27—Emma

“Hey girl, you okay?” Sophia said as she picked up the phone. We were due to go on vacation the next day and I was going insane with so many things going in and out of my brain. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones that had me all messed up. So many things had happened in a short space of time that I needed to talk to someone.

Anyone that wasn’t Sebastian that is. Call me selfish for not wanting to talk to him about it, but up until now I had felt that we had gone from just establishing our relationship to me having to make a whole heap of sacrifices. I didn’t know if I could add another one to the list.

“Yes, could we meet up? I just need to talk to you about something?”

“Why are we whispering?”

Oh because, your brother’s in the next room and I’m going to make up some story about why I wanted to leave the house. Gosh, I couldn’t even leave the house without permission. This whole thing was nuts. He was taking over my mind, body and soul...

“Emma, are you there?”

I nodded, then I quickly said, “Yes, yes. Can I come over?”

She laughed. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go on vacation?”

Yes, but even that was all messed up. He had already asked me the last few days why I was staying away from wine as if it was the plague and why I looked green in the morning. I needed to tell him on vacation about my decision, and how I felt about my life. Which was simply morphing into Sebastian Ross’s life and I just needed to be sure about everything. We hadn’t been together that long and so far I had given up my job, my apartment, and if I had a baby right now, my life.

“Yes, but I thought that we could have a coffee or something?”

“With Sebastian?”

“No!” I said that a bit too quickly.

“Meet me at the Starbucks near my office. In about thirty?”

“Sure. Thanks Sophia.”

She sighed, “No problem. I just hope you guys are okay?”

I didn’t answer. “See you in thirty minutes.”

I hung up the phone and ran into the bedroom. I was relieved that Sebastian wasn’t in there. I had to think about what to say to him. He was probably in the kitchen, so I took the golden opportunity to quickly get changed and get out. But it didn’t last long, because by the time I finished he was standing by the side of the door.

“What you up to?”

“Nothing!” I stood up straight, no doubt looking as guilty as sin.

He shook his head. “Just that one minute you’re sleeping. The next you’re changed and ready to go out. Just a bit strange.” He wrapped his arms around me. Normally, I would have surrender to his arms and even debated about us going to bed. It just didn’t feel like an option. The only thing on my mind was to get out of there and meet Sophia.

I felt guilty, because Sebastian was the one that I should have been talking to, the one that I should have been discussing it with, but I knew that it would end up with the same solution and that wasn’t what I wanted. This was what I was running away from. Until now, everything meant that I had to give up something, whereas everything would be the same for Sebastian. It wasn’t that didn’t I love him; I just didn’t want to get lost in the romance. I had seen so many doctors and nurses that I had worked with in the past do just that and get badly burned.

“I’m just meeting Sophia, you know?” I moved away from him, hoping that he wouldn’t interrogate me any further. “She just wants to gossip. Probably about Mason or something?”

He was quiet, not making a big deal about it. I could tell that he could sense that something was wrong. I meant to kiss him and tell him that everything was okay.

But I couldn’t; it was a lie.

Not to him, but to myself.

I blew him a kiss and said, “Laters, babe.”

I didn’t give him a chance to reply as I headed in the other direction. I had only one thing on my mind and that was to talk to Sophia. I hesitated as I started the car, thinking that maybe talking to the unborn baby’s auntie wasn’t a good idea. But I had already told her that I would meet her. Besides, I had to talk to Sophia and think of her as a friend. My best friend, and nothing else; not today. That was when I spotted Sebastian standing at the window watching me drive away. I was tempted to send him a message and find out what was on his mind. Instead I heard a message on my phone. I knew reading it would lead to me going back inside. I would read what it said later when I was in the Starbucks waiting for Sophia, who would most likely be late.

***

“Hey, I thought you would be late.” I smiled as I reached the door of Starbucks and Sophia just happened to be in front of me.

I still hadn’t looked at my phone; I was too scared to see what it would say.

“Well, I had to come early. My baby brother is practically in tears thinking that you’re going to leave him or something. That’s not what this is about?”

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to tell her on the doorstep of Starbucks with customers behind us that I was pregnant. So I did my little fake laugh and said, “Let’s go in and talk.”

“Phew!” she sighed with relief, but she still didn’t have a clue what I wanted to talk about. How could she be relieved?

I thought about making up a story and then just leaving, but I was in too deep. I had already realized that I had upset Sebastian by leaving so abruptly. Now Sophia was scared that I was going to leave Sebastian and all the while my phone was in my hand and I kept thinking, just look at the damn message and find out what he said.

“What are you having?” Sophia asked, and then I felt as if I was stuck. I knew that there was some rule with coffee especially in the first trimester. Should I have it? Should I skip it?

I decided against it and went for a smoothie.

“In this weather?” Sophia looked at me as if I was from outer space or something. Sure, I could have had a hot chocolate, but lately milk just made me feel even more gassy and coffee wasn’t really an option. I could have had a decaf, but I always think of it as punishment. It’s like Diet Coke or something. What’s the point of having it without all the sugar?

No, I needed to talk to her. She paid for it and then changed her mind and ordered a slice of carrot cake. I wondered if we were going to make small talk or get straight to it. As we awkwardly stood waiting for our drinks, she suggested, “Why don’t you get some seats? I’ll bring the drinks over.”

She nodded as if she was telling me, rather than asking me, to do it. I agreed; I didn’t feel like standing with her for much longer anyway. I found a seat by the window surprised it wasn’t that busy. Then again, everyone was at work, as Sophia had been before I asked her to meet me. I pulled out my phone from my purse and as I saw the message, a tear escaped my eye.

If you’re not happy and want to talk, you know where I am. Love, Sebastian XXX

The idea that he was home feeling this way made me feel so bad. I started to cry uncontrollably and then Sophia appeared and wrapped her arms around me and I sank my head onto her shoulder, so embarrassed by my antics and my selfish thoughts.

“I’m pregnant…”

She sighed. “Shh, I know.”

I pushed her away from me to look into her eyes. “You knew?”

She nodded. “It was kind of obvious. You wouldn’t drink at the barbecue and then whenever we go out you always make a point of drinking sodas. Come on, if Sebastian doesn’t suspect I would be surprised.”

She got up and went to get our drinks. I started to nibble on the carrot cake, realizing that I hadn’t eaten all day. The stress of everything had been on my mind; the idea of going on vacation and having to tell Sebastian was my first worry.

“You know that you should be talking to him and not me?”

I nodded once again. Sophia had this way of making me feel bad. I knew that she wasn’t trying to, but right now, I didn’t want or need a pep talk. I just wanted a friend to talk with about my options.

I took her hand and said, “Could we for a minute pretend that you’re not his sister? That you’re just my friend?”

She laughed. “I did that from the moment that you said we should meet. I wanted us to talk. But whatever you decide I’ll support you as a friend but only if you talk to him. Please. He’s kind of miserable.”

I replied to his text saying that I loved him and that I couldn’t wait for us to go on vacation. Which was the truth. It seemed to cheer me up and before I knew it, I had finished Sophia’s carrot cake and was ordering another. Which was more than could be said for my smoothie. Sophia was right, it was too cold for that.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

She nearly had me in tears again. “I just feel lost, like a part of me is missing. I want to be happy. Feel in love once again, but I don’t know. I just feel if I have this baby that Sebastian will be taking over my life. First my job and now this. What’s next?”

She took my hand and said, “Whatever you want to happen, you can’t blame Sebastian for you giving up your job or for you getting pregnant. You must have known what you wanted too, right?”

I did, and it made sense for me to make the sacrifice, but then when did it end? But then I realized as she spoke, that only I could find the answer. I was looking at everyone to hand it to me on a plate. Life didn’t work like that. I had to figure out what to do and how to handle my life.

“I just don’t want any regrets.”

She whispered as she approached me, “Giving up your job. Your apartment and maybe a few months to have the baby. Would you, or do you, regret them?”

I knew it was too soon to answer. “I don’t know. Maybe in time.”

She sighed. “That means that maybe you should think about this for a while before talking to Sebastian. Figure out what you really want, and if the end results are the same then I’ll go with you to the clinic.” She avoided my eyes as she said the last part.

“Slow down, no one said anything about having an abortion.”

She nodded. “But let’s face it. That’s what you meant. Either keeping the little one or getting rid of it. That part was clear. Let’s not pretend about it.”

This time my tears were softer. I really wished I was like Sophia and saw everything in black and white. I knew she was right. This was what I meant. It was either to go the full way or end it right there. I just didn’t want to admit it. But, it was clear that there was no choice. This was the fork in the road that we were facing; I just needed clarity as to whether I was choosing the right way.