Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven
THE BEAST IN MY SKIN

JAX'S POV

Blood.

I tasted it first. Metallic, warm, coating my tongue like syrup.

It’s mine.

I think it’s mine.

The light above me shone too bright. No, too dim. Everything shifts. It felt like everything was melting. Breaking…

I breathed in and I felt my lungs scream. Something was clawing through me. Not outside. It was from inside and it was shredding my ribs from within. It wants out. It wants freedom.

I arch, back lifting off something soft. Was it the sheets? 

No. They’re soaked. It was wet, sticking to my skin.

Where was I?

Where the fuck am I?

My claws tore through the mattress without me telling them to. My limbs didn’t even care to listen. They move on their own, twitching, jerking.

I’m not me anymore.

I felt like fire. I felt like ice. I felt like a hurricane in a bottle that’s been shaken too long. The voice came again. A soft one. It sounded like the healers. 

“Alpha Jax, don’t move yet. Please. You’re still weak.”

Weak?

Weak?

She touched my arm. Her touch was warm and gentle, but it felt like acid.

I don’t think. I didn’t think I could think.

Her scent was wrong. 

Wrongwrongwrong. Not my mate. Not mine.

Where is mine?

I growled, low and guttural and she stepped back. I saw the whites of her eyes. Her fear.

Good.

Fear made them run.

I lunged. Faster than I meant to. Faster than I wanted. My claws raked across the air, just inches from her face. She screams, but I don’t care. I was not trying to hurt her. I was just trying to escape.

My muscles moved too fast. Too hard. They were snapping. Splitting under the force of something not natural.

The Servinium. It’s still in me.

It’s still in me.

It’s a voice inside my head that won’t shut up.

Kill. Tear. Destroy. Run. MINE.

I crashed through the window. Glass splintered and slashed against my arms, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel anything except the wind against my face and the heat in my throat and the crushing weight of a bond that’s still there, even now.

Gabriella.

Her name hit me like lightning. Where was she? I smelled her.

Her smell was faint. Soft. Warm like spring and storms and something that used to make me feel whole.

I wanted her. I want her now,but I could not go to her. If I see her, I don’t know what I’ll do. I felt like I was broken. I felt feral. I'd heard them say exactly that. The beast inside me was laughing. He was free. He was finally free, and he was dancing on my bones.

I ran.

I didn’t know where I was running to. I ran through trees, through fog towards the edge of the packhouse’s territory. Something moved beside me. A deer, maybe. I snapped its neck before I knew what I’m doing.

Blood hit my face and I revelled at the fill of it on my face. I lick the blood and growl softly. I kept going. Everything was too sharp. Too loud.

The moon was wrong. The trees were wrong. My body was wrong. They spun. Everything felt like it was spinning. 

I slam my fist against a tree and it explodes.

Bark flies everywhere.

I don’t feel better. I want to rip something apart.

Someone.

Flynn.

It's Flynn I want to shred to pieces.

His scent is on me. On Gabriella. On my mate. I remembered it now. I remembered his smug face. His voice when he told me I was “too soft.”

I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him slow.

I dropped to my knees, claws digging into the dirt, and I howled. The sound was wild and ugly. It was a cry; a call of war, not pain.

But underneath it, there’s something else. Her voice. Her heartbeat.

My mate. My mate. My mate.

My head jerked to the side. Something invisible pulled me toward the house. I was not supposed to go back. Jack will stop me. Benson will try to put me down like a rabid dog. But I can’t stay away. Can't stay away from my mate. 

She’s there.

The pull is unbearable. I stumble, half-human, half-beast, back through the trees. My breath rattles in my throat. I reach the edge of the property again. It’s cold here. So cold.

Not from the wind, but from the house itself.

Something’s wrong. It’s not just me. I can feel something else crawling under the surface. Like shadows with claws. They know I’m back.

The house knows.

And it doesn’t want me in. They don't want me in. I could feel it. I staggered up the back porch, my claws leaving scratches in the wood. My feet dragged and my heart pounded. Gabriella’s scent was stronger now.

It was close. Too close.

She’s upstairs. Locked away.

Good.

She’s safe from me and from this thing I’ve become.I fell to my knees just outside the kitchen, a low snarl escaping my throat. My body was steaming. Overheating. Drenched in blood and sweat. I wanted to shift. I wanted to scream. I wanted to die just to make it stop.

But then I heard her voice.

Not words. Just a soft murmur. From behind the walls and I

It quieted the rage within me. 

Just a little.

“Gabriella,” I whispered, or growled, or moaned. I didn’t know anymore. “I’m here.”

My hand lifted to the wall. I pressed my palm to the wood like I could feel her heartbeat through it. My claws retract. Just barely. But the moment is broken. A door slams upstairs Jack’s voice echoed. It was loud and sharp.

“JAX!”

My name. Not Alpha. Not monster.

Just my name.

I snarled and leapt backward. My instinct was to run, to fight, to flee. My mind split again. Jack. Brother. Pack.

Or enemy? The Servinium doesn’t care.

It whispered: Rip him apart. He thinks you’re weak. He thinks you’re gone. Show him. Show him what you really are.

No.

NO.

I gripped my head, squeezing so hard I felt something pop in my ears. I couldn’t lose it. Not now. Not when she was so close. Not when she needed me.

I forced myself forward, step by step toward the stairs. I saw Jack at the top. His eyes widened. He’s holding a silver dagger.

“Stop,” he says. His voice is steady and controlled. “Don’t come any closer.”

I bared my teeth. Not at him. Instead I'm snarling at the thing inside me. As if I can see it.

“She’s fine,” Jack continued. “She’s safe. You’re not. You need to go. You need to get out before you do something you regret.”

Too late.

But I didn’t move. I just stood there, trembling, barely holding it together. My hands curled into fists. My breathing was ragged.

“Help me,” I rasped. Jack’s eyes flickered. He wasn’t expecting that.

“I’m trying,” he said quietly this time.

As I took one step forward, He raised the dagger. I raised my hand, not to attack, but to surrender.

But the moment shattered again. From upstairs, her voice, tiny and soft, bounced in my veins. 

“Jax?”

Just my name. I heard her whisper it.

But it cracked me open like how I'd seen lightning split a tree. I snapped, before the beast took over.