Condemned or pardoned

I think that's it, that he'll just leave me standing here and walk away from me like he always does, but he surprises me. He gently pushes me into the shower and climbs in with me. He turns on the shower. I'm confused and beside myself when he starts washing me.

I try to hide from him. I don't want him to see my scars again, but he pushes my hand away. He kneels down and kisses them one by one. It's an action I didn't expect and it makes me cry. They spill down my cheeks.

He may be gentle now and fucking with my head, but somehow I know none of this will last. I have an eerie feeling that my life will be turned upside down again. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. It's hard to shake the feeling of doom I have and I hate it.

Rayan took his time in the shower, worshipping my body. Or at least it seemed that way to me. I still don't want to get my hopes up because when I do, they always seem to get crushed.

"My parents always had problems , they would never shut up . When I would come home from school and field practice , they were always fighting like cats and dogs" .

He confesses , as he towel dries my hair gently behind my back , his voice sounds velvety but his words are deep seem to hide a deep flash of anger and pain in them .

"The night my mother committed suicide , I came home from a tiring day at the court , the lights were off and my father as usual was not home . I went into my mother's room and found her lifeless lying on her dark and cold bed ."

I turn to look at her face and corroborate that what I am hearing is coming from the lips of Rayan Riverside , for so far it seems like an unreal live movie .

"The pain of seeing her in that lifeless state in front of my eyes blinded me for a few moments , but there was something that filled me more with indignation and a deep rage that I had not managed to alpacate until now "

As I listen to the profound narrative of the events, my soul breaks and I feel a deep compassion for the horrifying life that Rayan has been living. I would like to ask what it is that so outrages him and fills him with rage , but I dare not interrupt the thread of confessions and truths that Rayan is having , because it is all I have expected from him since I first saw him at his mother's funeral .

"My mother left me a letter, and a USB flash drive where there were pictures of my father and another woman smiling next to him. I never thought my father was capable of dating any woman other than my mother , but given his absences and his harsh treatment of her it was more than evident that it was happening right under our noses "

"Your father was unfaithful to your mother , but how is that possible" .

My eyes widen when I hear that Jackson betrayed Rayan's mother. And I couldn't help but speak up and cut off the flow of ideas he wanted to express . Jackson is a cheating man , but he just married my mother , what will he be planning now , this all seems like a plot to me to further ruin my life and my mother's in the process .

" Yes , my father is a cheating dog ; my mother found out about all that and her depressive picture worsened . My mother's depression crossed the limits and led her to death , I always wanted to help her but I didn't know how . The hatred towards my father intensified in me when I found out that he is one of the people to blame for my mother's decision".

I try to contain my emotions hearing all this , and suddenly Rayan takes me in his arms and brings his lips close to my ear . What is he planning now to excite me after telling me so many truths about his family .

"The second culprit of my mother's death is your mother " .

He whispers softly in my hate , as he licks my earlobe gently .

A turbulence bursts inside me as I hear his words and I can't contain myself from the shock and I punch him in the face .

"i How can you say that , my mother never knew your mother you are unhinged !" .

I get up from the bed and try to leave the room but he grabs me by the hips and throws me on the bed . He reaches under the mattress and pulls out a picture of m mother with his father both with a big smile on their faces and a glass of wine in their hands .

"See for yourself , when I knew this and saw you at my mother's funeral I made the decision to take revenge on you for the way your mother killed mine" .

As I looked at Rayan's angry eyes and the photo where it was clearly evident that my mother was his father's mistress, I had no objection to it. My throat closed and I could not modulate any more words , I just fell to the floor in a state of shock after knowing the origin all the hatred and hurt I had received all these months .

"I know it's a lot to profess , but I wanted to kill you , hate you and felt a strong repulsion for you . I wanted to drag you to hell where I was burning , and I succeeded . But somewhere between the hatred and revenge I felt for you I got trapped in your body and in your fragility . I can no longer escape from you and I don't want you to be far from me, I don't want anyone to hurt you.

His words overwhelm my heart while I still can't recover from all this. I feel unworthy to look him in the face, the guilt consumes me but his confession of protection melts me inside. I'm still lying on the floor without saying a word while I hear his footsteps walking away from me.

He left me in my room alone , I guess he had already said a lot of things he had kept for months and he also has a lot to process . I put on an oversized t-shirt and panties and get into bed . I lie on my side and stare at the wall. A moment later, I get out of bed and go to the bathroom to take another pill. The effects of the previous one have worn off and I need something to help me relax after this whole episode of hidden truths.

I take the bag out of my hiding place and open it. Just as I'm about to take one, his angry voice screams like a whip, startling me.

"What the fuck are you doing!" he blurts out as he walks towards me. He takes the whole bag from me and throws the pills into the toilet bowl.

"No, stop!" I scream as I run towards him. But he flushes before I can reach him. "Why the fuck did you do that?" I yell at him again.

"You're not going to take any more of that shit. And I better not see or hear you getting any more either!" he blurts out.

"I need them!" I shout. It's as if the mere knowledge that my pills are gone makes me feel itchy and like I'm going crazy. I start pulling my hair as my body begins to shake. "No, no, no, no, nooo.... you don't know what you've done!". I scream at him. I panic. I don't know how to calm down.

He doesn't say anything. He goes to my dresser drawer, opens it, takes out all the blades, flushes them down the toilet and flushes them down the toilet as well. I look at him dumbfounded.