Lost Girl (2)

I still remember the day when my life, which had always been marginalized and neglected, changed greatly like a long dream.

When I was four years old, Lucas died after being treated for three months in hospital. The atmosphere in the house which previously looked cheerful because my father was always smiling after seeing Lucas, turned very quiet. For days my father locked himself in his room and my mother continued to cry looking at the photo of her beloved son who was unable to survive the disease he was born with.

My sister Alexa is not much different, she loves Lucas and she also cries like mother. But me, I can't cry, I don't know what I feel, I just feel confused about what happened.

From the start, I was ignored and I rarely interacted with Lucas, who almost every night slept in mom and dad's bedroom because they were too worried about him. We only play occasionally and it's not uncommon for Lucas to suddenly fall unconscious while playing. If that happens, mother will definitely blame me and think I played too rough and made him tired.

"Lucas?" I looked at his photo which was still displayed on the wall of the house. A boy who became the world of his parents and became the sunshine that illuminated the whole house, is now gone forever.

This silence and sadness lasted for three months until little by little, my mother began to rise to encourage my father who looked so heartbroken.

When I saw my father come out of the room and stand on the terrace, I felt a little happy because my father was no longer sad. But what happened after that changed my world.

My father lost his world by seizing my world to heal his broken heart. That afternoon he asked me out for the first time and held my hand.

I felt very happy because when Lucas was alive, this was something that had never happened. Dad took me to the park and bought me ice cream even though he didn't say anything.

"Vanilla ice cream," I thought. Vanilla ice cream is Lucas' favorite ice cream while I really like chocolate ice cream. But because my father bought it, I ate it happily.

After that, he took me to a barber shop and asked the barber to cut my hair.

"Dad, why are we here?" I asked, confused because all this time my mother had been cutting my hair.

Once again, he didn't say anything and just instructed the barber to cut my hair.

I was too shocked when I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair which originally reached my shoulders was now very short like a boy's hair. I don't know what to do, I want to cry but I can't as if there is a feeling that makes me think that it's okay like this.

My father took my hand all the way home, but when I got home, my mother looked very shocked to see how my hair had become so short.

"Why is your hair like this?"

"I took him to the barber, he looks out of place with long hair!" Dad said calmly as if he didn't feel guilty because he had shocked mom.

"But it's too short! Look at the back hair, it's so thin! This is a boy's haircut!"

"He's a boy, why long hair?"

"What are you saying? Since when was Lucia a boy? Have you forgotten your own daughter?"

"Lucia...Lucia, he's Lucas! Never mind! Make me coffee!"

"Honey, I think there's something wrong with you! Have you forgotten that Lucia is a girl?"

"What are you talking about? Stop talking and make me coffee! After that, don't say anything else!"

"But you-"

"Mommy, it's okay!" I said while pulling my mother's hand to look at me.

Mother looked at me with teary eyes as if she didn't understand what really happened to my father. I smiled to make her feel better because to be honest, I felt very happy today because for the first time my father wanted to hold hands with me and asked me to go out together. He even bought me ice cream, something that would never have happened if Lucas were still here.

"Lucia, you-"

"Earlier daddy bought me ice cream and we went to the park. I was very happy." I said. I could see my mother's mouth trembling as if she was holding back tears.

At that time I thought maybe my mother still felt sad because Lucas had died. But I actually smiled happily with what I got. Am I not really cruel?

I will do anything as long as it makes my father think that I exist, even though the payment I have to give is very large for the little happiness I get from the departure of my beloved brother.

***