Lost Girl (1)

What does a child want most?

What is genuine affection? What is the attention of their parents? Is it treated fairly? Or pampered with luxury and happiness?

Is that really all that a child needs to grow into a human being?

I don't know, I never knew what I really wanted. Because every time I try to wish for something, in the end I end up being the intermediary for someone else's wish to be granted.

"What are you looking at? Let's go home!"

My mother grabbed my hand while my eyes were busy looking at the porcelain dolls displayed in the toy shop window. I continued to stare at the blue-eyed doll innocently. Yes, I want it, but I'm too afraid to tell mom.

"I want that doll!" I asked with words that were not very clear. She looked at me annoyedly as if she hated every time I tried to ask her for something.

Mother's left hand holds the hand of Lucas, my twin brother. In Lucas' hands, he held a robot that he asked for this morning, but this afternoon my kind mother immediately bought it for him.

"Your sister has lots of dolls at home, I'll give them to you later."

"But Alexa doesn't want to lend me a doll like that. I want one like that!" I suck my index finger whenever I want something. My eyes kept looking at the beautiful doll who seemed to be smiling at me and asking me to hug her.

"Mom, I'm tired! Carry me!" Lucas started whining even though he had only walked a few steps after mother carried him along the shopping center.

"Okay, come on, let me carry you!" Once again, my kind mother immediately did what he wanted.

Mother walked while pulling my hand, who was still reluctant to move before getting the doll I wanted. I thought about pretending to cry like Lucas every time he wanted something. But the results will certainly be different.

"Don't cry! I told you I would give you an Alexa doll! Understand, Lucia! I don't have enough money to buy two toys. Lucas' toys are very expensive and your dad only gave me money to buy Lucas's toys!" My mother shouted at me with a tired expression because she kept carrying Lucas who didn't want to walk alone.

I fell silent after my mother shouted at me and she continued walking as if she didn't care that I was behind. I, who was still three years old, ran hobbling after her, sobbing.

Did I feel hurt at that time? No, of course not. I don't feel that what my mother did at that time was a form of injustice. I still try to think positively as much as I can. But when I'm at home, I still try to think that my life is fine with my family loving me.

"Don't...! Just ask mom to buy you a doll! Don't take mine!" My older sister Alexa pushed me until I fell down while she snatched back the baby doll that I took in her room.

I cried so hard not only because I fell, but because I also couldn't get what I wanted even though it was just my sister's used toy.

"What is this? Why is Lucia crying?" Shouted my mother who was forced to stop her activities in the kitchen because she heard me crying.

"She took my favorite baby doll!"

"Lend her a moment!"

"No way! This is my favorite doll! I don't want anyone to touch it!"

"Then, lend her your other toy! Your father will be home soon, if he hears crying like this he will be angry!" Mother said as she returned to the kitchen to cook dinner.

Alexa glared irritably, she grumbled while looking for something she could give me. On top of her wardrobe, she took an old teddy bear that was worn and dusty, even one of the bear's eyes was missing. She threw the doll on the floor.

"Take that and get out of my room!" She said.

I, who was still innocent, just smiled happily at the worn teddy bears. I took the doll to the bathroom and washed it.

"What are you doing?" Mom asked when she saw me doing something in the bathroom.

"I want to wash this doll, Mommy!"

"Just let me wash it, eat it!" My mother said. I hugged my mother because I thought she was the best.

At the dining table, Lucas sat in front of a special chair for toddlers which allowed him to eat easily, while I sat on a regular chair which had been piled with pillows to make it higher.

"Lucas, don't be a picky eater, darling?" Mother scolds Lucas for only eating what he likes. Roast chicken and mashed potatoes, he set aside the boiled carrots and broccoli.

"I don't like it!"

"If he doesn't like it, don't force it!" Dad said and after that, mom didn't say anything else.

I looked at my plate and thought about not eating the broccoli either because I didn't like the texture. But when I thought my father would let me, it turned out I got the opposite treatment.

"Why don't you eat that broccoli?" Dad asked in a different tone of voice from when he responded to Lucas.

"I don't like it, daddy!"

"Don't be picky about food! If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it all!" He said. Hearing my father yell at me, my guts immediately sank. I cried with tears in my eyes. But instead of persuading me, mother didn't care at all.

The days I spent at that time were always the same, but I can't remember everything because at that time I was too young to remember all the memories I had, including about Lucas.

What I remember is that I have a non-identical twin brother who was born five minutes before me, he is Lucas.

Lucas is a spoiled child, sometimes selfish and always crying hysterically if his wishes are not granted. My father really loved Lucas because he wanted a son and after he got him, he loved him too much.

Since birth, Lucas was diagnosed with a weak heart, which made him often fall ill. My father and mother's world is Lucas, my existence is nothing more than a child who happened to be born with him and whose presence was not really wanted because there was already my older sister who was previously my father and mother's favorite, because she was the first child. Meanwhile, Lucas, he is the source of all the love and hope of my father and mother.

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