Lost Girl (11)

Lost Girl (11)
However, the feelings and fantasies that for some years I believed would have a beautiful ending, were immediately destroyed when I heard his confession about his feelings for me.

"I'm sorry, but I don't love you, Lucia."

"B-but isn't there something I can do as long as you reciprocate my feelings, Chris?"

I remember the pain I felt that day, the feeling of pain and tightness that made me feel that I had no hope of living.

Chris, who has always looked at me with gentle eyes, for the first time I felt he was looking at me coldly as if he wanted to emphasize the answer to my desire which seemed too big for him.

"I love you as a friend, Lucia. Nothing more than that, I couldn't possibly see you any differently."

The rain fell to wet the earth, making my tears flowed, not much different from rainwater. I'm at a loss for words and if I persist, I'll probably really hate myself.

I ran through the rain and had little hope that Chris would catch me. But in reality, he didn't budge at all and made me even more convinced that I didn't have a special place in his heart.

I hid in the tree house, crying and wailing like a heartbroken girl. But Leo actually came and gave me what I needed most, namely a hug.

"I love you, Lucia!"

"Please don't say that, Leo! I don't want to hear it-"

"I love you, I love you so much. I will never go back on my word, no matter if you like it or not."

I froze with a strange emptiness when I heard Leo's declaration of love. He kissed my lips and for some reason I really enjoyed the kiss. The kiss tasted a little salty because to the tears streaming down my face.

Honestly, I could feel the sincerity in Leo's eyes. I believe in his feelings for me. But at that time it never occurred to me that I would love him because what I wanted was Chris.

After I decided to go home, I saw Pierre standing at my door. Looking at me with a worried face. I tried to smile and what I got instead was a very tight hug from him.

Pierre took me into my quiet house, there was no one in the house apart from the two of us. I, in the midst of feeling a dilemma after being rejected by Chris and rejecting Leo's feelings, unconsciously seduced Pierre.

"Pierre, will you make love to me?"

Pierre saw the emptiness in my eyes and that probably made him realize something had happened to me. He hugged me and rubbed my head gently.

"We've been friends for a very long time, Lucia. I always hoped that I could take care of you and I want to take care of you."

I smiled bitterly and that night I don't remember what happened. But I can still clearly remember Pierre's warm embrace.

After that day, I tried to be alone and avoid meeting them, especially Chris and Leo. I was too embarrassed to show my face in front of Chris and I felt so guilty for disappointing Leo.

Leo openly admitted that he loved me. This is the first time I've heard someone say that to me.

"Leo?"

Those eyes are the eyes that I have always seen for 12 years. How could I forget how I took care of him over the years.

"I love you, Lucia." The words he said kept echoing in my head and the image couldn't go away.

I want to love a man who loves me, if the person I love is Leo, maybe it won't be this painful. But at that time I thought that I didn't want to be with someone like Leo, because he didn't have anything like me. I felt so cruel because the evil side of me thought that I deserved better.



Karma, maybe I finally accepted karma for my arrogant feelings a few years ago. Just two years after my family and I decided to move to Louisiana, I met someone who would ultimately ruin my life.

I met Jacob, a guy who was in the same faculty as me in college. At first he was a nice guy and sometimes he reminded me of Leo.

"Pregnant? What did you say? You're pregnant?"

Jacob's face turned cold when I told him about my pregnancy. At first I thought that he would be happy after we decided to live together.

"I want us to take care of our child together, Jake!"

"Our child? Damn bitch! Who do you call our child?"

Jacob screamed and immediately slapped my face very hard. I was too shocked to react and blocked his slap. In the end, I let him beat me until he got tired and left me alone.

I know that sounds very stupid and how I have to spend the rest of my life with a man who can't appreciate my existence and every time I look into his eyes, I seem to see Leo.

Is this a punishment? Yes, this is definitely a punishment. For years I tortured my friends and never once apologized for what I had done. I was too arrogant and thought that in the end they would be the ones to come back to me.

"Are you okay? Want me to call the police?" Ask the nurse who looked after me while I was in the hospital after the second baby died.

She looked into my empty eyes and maybe she could understand that I felt so lost. I kept crying and regretting what had happened and in the end it would never be enough.

"You should report it to the police, the injuries on your body must be due to violence committed by someone, right?"

"I'm fine! I'm not a police or anything!"

"But, you-"

"Lucia?"

I heard my mother's voice calling me. She stood in the doorway only to give me an annoyed look. She approached me and clearly looked very angry because she found out that I had to be hospitalized for the umpteenth time.

"What else happened to you? Oh my God, Lucia. What are you really thinking? Didn't I tell you to leave that man? Why won't you listen to me?"