Chapter 336 True Pain Is Unspeakable

Chapter 336 True Pain Is Unspeakable

July 23

I heard Locke's second son is competing with Adrian for the family business.

I don't know what he'll do.

I don't know what will happen to Adrian.

Adrian should be fine, right? He's so smart.

...

August 30

Mom's condition has gradually stabilized. She sleeps longer and longer, almost never has insomnia anymore.

This is good.

But I'm becoming more and more afraid to be alone with Mom, even afraid to eat at the same table with her...

...

September 15

"Be with Chase. Stop thinking about Adrian. Even if he comes back from studying abroad, you're not worthy of him anymore. You're from two different worlds."

I can't remember how many times Mom has said this.

I thought I'd accepted this fact, but my heart still ached.

I told Mom I understood.

Then I washed dishes, cleaned, did homework, and stared into space.

I don't want to think about anything anymore.

I seem to have become a heartless living corpse.

...

October 11

Tomorrow is Columbus Day.

I heard Sarah and Adrian are both back.

I don't want to see them anymore.

Being alone quietly is fine.

...

October 12

Adrian really came back.

Mom said since I've come to my senses, I should go break off the engagement with him.

I don't want to go.

Mom booked me a plane ticket, insisted I go.

I took a cold shower and got seriously ill.

This time, I didn't make Mom happy.

...

October 17

I recovered from my illness.

Adrian left too.

Mom doesn't have to push me anymore.

...

October 25

Adrian won the Nobel Prize in Economics.

He looked truly brilliant standing on that podium.

...

After that, almost everything was about Adrian's activities.

Serena rarely wrote about her own feelings anymore.

Occasionally there were pages with dates, but nothing written below.

As if all her thoughts weren't worth writing down.

As if true pain was unspeakable.

Adrian turned through those blank pages, his heart like it was being sliced by a knife.

It turned out that every important day in his life, she'd been there.

She'd followed everything about him.

But he'd known nothing of the suffering she'd endured.

She was only seventeen then. How had she survived it?

Time and again wanting to fly, time and again having her wings broken.

Time and again trying to break through, time and again being ground down.

All her brilliance extinguished in darkness.

Until finally, she didn't even have the thought of flying anymore.

In that moment, he seemed to understand Serena's silence.

She was always spacing out, always seeming to have so much on her mind. When he asked what she was thinking, she'd smile and say it was nothing.

That must have been her most common state during those years.

So much grievance—who could she tell?

She had no one to talk to.

She only had this diary.

But suddenly one day, she couldn't even speak to this diary anymore...

...

Later, Serena's thoughts appeared again on January 10 of the following year.

The handwriting was messy, but still recognizably Serena's:

January 1

In the end, I compromised. I'll listen to Mom and break off the engagement.

But I still want to ask Adrian what he thinks.

If he also wants to break it off, then let's break it off.

Adrian will be happy. Mom will be happy.

Maybe after Adrian gets together with Sarah, Sarah will be happy too.

As for me...

It doesn't matter.

...

Adrian's hand trembled as he turned to the next page.

Before he could see the content, a plane ticket fell out from between the pages.

Adrian picked it up. Seeing the name and date on it, he was shocked.

He wouldn't forget this date.

That year, January 11—one week before she ran to the Locke family to break off the engagement.

He almost held his breath as he read on.

January 11

Late at night, I boarded a plane to Emberlyn alone.

I want to be brave this once.

If Adrian doesn't want to break off the engagement, then I won't either.

I'll fight to the end.

...

This was the bravest moment in the entire diary.

Adrian never imagined it was for him.

But why, after reaching Emberlyn, didn't she come find him?

The question in Adrian's heart grew larger.

He turned to the next page...

He thought he'd find the answer.

Instead, the next page had only a few brief lines.

These lines seemed to have been soaked repeatedly by tears, the writing blurred.

Based on her handwriting style and habits, he pieced together the words:

I finally understand this is love.

My love ended before it even began.

I'm leaving, Adrian. Goodbye.

And, I wish you happiness.

...

Below was another plane ticket, from Emberlyn back to Sweetwater City, the very next day—the late night of January 12.

Adrian could almost picture her, a young girl, sitting alone in the departure lounge waiting for her flight late at night.

But he didn't know—why?

Serena had clearly reached Emberlyn, gone to find him for an answer, but didn't see him?

And wished him happiness?

What had happened in between?

Just as he was puzzling over this, Serena emerged from her shower.

She wore a nightgown, toweling the water from her hair as she walked out, asking, "Did you look? What did Sarah send me?"

Adrian slowly turned to look at her.

Serena met his slightly reddened eyes and startled. Had he been crying?

Just as she was about to ask, her eyes fell on the notebook in his hands.

The familiar notebook, the familiar handwriting—she panicked.

She immediately went over to take her diary back, hugging it to her chest as she looked at him. "Why are you reading my diary?"

Adrian looked at her without speaking.

Serena glanced at the diary, then back at him, asking tentatively, "You read all of it?"

"All of it."

He stared at her intently. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What's there to say?"

Her voice was tiny, like a mosquito's hum. She set the notebook aside and continued drying her hair.

Adrian stood and walked toward her.

Serena was frightened by his intensity. She stepped back quickly.

Adrian reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his embrace.

He looked down at her. "If I hadn't discovered this today, how long would you have hidden it from me?"

"Forever."

Serena told the truth.

Adrian was furious.

Fine. He'd settle accounts with her later.

He picked up the two plane tickets and asked her, "You clearly reached Emberlyn. Why didn't you come see me?"