Chapter Twenty — Katie

I was starving. I couldn’t hide in my room much longer. I had just one more day before I had to get to work.

I took my phone as I headed to the kitchen. I needed to eat and after talking to Mom. I couldn’t help but think about Thanksgiving. I was excited not only to see her, but to spend time with her, too.

“Good evening,” Rick said sarcastically. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and I blushed as my eyes didn’t meet his, but his chest. He was perfectly sculpted like Pete, and our time together this weekend flashed through my mind as I remembered slowly tracing my fingers over his chest.

“Sorry,” he apologized as he grabbed the shirt, which was on the workspace, and quickly put it on. My ever-growing wet panties wanted him to stop. I didn’t mean to embarrass him. It was as if spending time with Pete had turned me into a heathen. I couldn’t stop thinking about his naked body, even when he had on his black polo.

“You hungry?”

I nodded, finding my throat dry and unable to speak.

“Good, I’m making lasagna—the only thing I can make and feel proud about eating. You can set up the table, I hate eating alone.”

Again, I nodded and robotically headed to the breakfast table and started grabbing plates and cutlery to prepare the table—the way I’d done so many times before, but usually just for Stan. It never dawned on me until now that I’d never spent time with Rick. Well, not like this. We’d exchanged words, talked about the twins, but to sit down and have a meal, never.

“Twins? Where are they?”

I didn’t even realize he was standing behind me. I was too busy, lost in my own thoughts.

“They’re with Aunt Elizabeth. She wants to spend more time with them, which is why she’s staying here more and more. Trying to get to know them. If she stayed with them here, then they would always want to be with us.”

“Makes sense,” I agreed, as for some crazy reason I was worrying about my job. Even if I didn’t feel like I was just the nanny anymore.

We stood for a few seconds, our eyes locked, and neither of us spoke. I was too busy recapturing the moment I walked into the open-plan kitchen when he had no shirt. I had no idea what he was thinking. I think out of the three of them, he was the most difficult to figure out all the time because he didn’t give anything away. Since our kiss that was weeks ago, he’d gone all cold again. Professional. I should have felt good about it, meaning I was only involved with one brother and not all three.

“I’ll get it out of the oven. Grab the salad from inside the fridge, and we’ll be good to eat.”

Again, I did as he asked, and once I laid it on the table, I sat down.

God, I was hungry. I didn’t realize how much until the smells that were enveloping the table as he laid the lasagna on the table made me close my eyes, and the only sounds were my rumbling stomach.

He chuckled. “You were hungry. No wonder you’re quiet.”

That wasn’t the only reason for my silence, but I didn’t say anything.

“Well, don’t wait. Give me your plate, and I’ll put a bit on it.”

I handed it to him, and he smiled as he paused and looked at me. I wonder what the reflection of myself said in his eyes. Her hair’s a bird’s nest. She looks a mess.

The only thing I had in my favor was about the fact I brushed my teeth before leaving my room. I hate it when my breath stinks of hunger, at times it puts me off eating, but between the other secret candy bar that I stashed away for an emergency. I gazed to the clock which hung on the wall, and I could tell why Rick said good evening. He wasn’t being sarcastic, it was nearly seven and the sun was still shining strong as if it was lunchtime.

“Shoot, drinks. Forgot about that. What’s your poison?”

“Just water.”

“Gotcha!” He jumped up as I put some salad, not a lot, but a little to show that I did believe in healthy eating. Both Rick and Pete were advocates of healthy eating, whereas Stan was the complete opposite, which was why in the span of over three months, I’d managed to be an extra ten pounds heavier.

“Here you go,” he said as he put the glasses down next to our plates. “Go on eat. Don’t wait for me.”

I was about to tell him I was trying to be good mannered, but he didn’t seem to care as he cut the lasagna and put some on his plate, then filled it with more salad, then lasagne. I felt guilty, looking at the couple of lettuce leaves and tomato I’d put on mine.

“This is better than good. It’s excellent.”

He chuckled. “See, told you so. I’m not just a pretty face.”

I nearly choked, and he rushed beside me, gently patting my back as I tried to get the glass of water, thinking I really needed to stop being so nervous.

As I took a bit gulp and held my head back, he asked, “Do I make you nervous?”

“A little.”

“I was cold and wanting to keep an eye because Stan told us the truth. He told us about Bianca and what he did. I didn’t know what to think when I heard.”

“Oh,” I muttered, not quite knowing what to say.

“But you can understand why I was anxious about allowing you to stay in our home.”

We sat in silence, I’d been living here three months and he’d never said a word about this. Was I now supposed to get up and pack my bags or what?

He broke the silence as he said, “Then again, some say that I’m a little intense, but that’s just me. I’m more of a gentle giant.”

“Funny, Pete called you that.”

He shrugged as he sat back down. “Everyone calls me that.”

Somehow in the midst of it all, once again, I’d managed to bring us back to where we were before, silence. As we ate, I struggled to bring up some kind of conversation, anything to break the ice.

“Did she say that they slept fine?”

“Well, you know Rachel, she’s the fussy one. She said it took her time to settle, but then she got there in the end. As for Steven, as soon as she put him down, he was out like a light. I think he takes after me.”

“Well, he looks like you and I suppose Rachel looks like her mom.”

Crap!

Whenever I’d brought up the topic of their mom, he would give me a look, which said it wasn’t any of my business. But this time, he smiled and said, “Yeah, she looks like Maite.”

“Maite…”

Their mom’s name. I wondered why he had a change of heart and was willing to talk about her. He’d never been like this before, and I didn’t want to rock the boat and go back to the silence, especially seeing as my plate was empty and I was dying for more.

“Here. You need to eat. I just don’t want you to feel as if you have to hide in your room if the twins are not here. I want you to feel this is your home. You can go out, do things with your friend. You don’t need to ask for permission.”

I sat there blankly, wondering if Pete had told him about our argument the other day. Silly me, of course he did; they were brothers.

Then he muttered, “It’s not healthy staying in like that.”

Now he sounded like my dad scolding me as if I’d been a bad girl.

I took the plate from him, annoyed about the way he was talking to me.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You’re a grown woman. Just thought you must have left your room by some point, but judging by the speed in which you ate, I could tell you didn’t.”

My eyes darted to his plate, he was still half-way through, and he was right; he had more food on his plate, but I’d not only managed to eat it, but more swallow it, because I didn’t even remember chewing that much.

“Yeah, I’m such a big baby.”

He choked, “Not a baby. Just more of a case that you don’t feel comfortable. I don’t suppose it’s something which you’re used to, living with three hot sexy men.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Two men.”

“Not sexy?”

It was a joke. We needed to feel relaxed, both of us stopped being tense, and I felt more relaxed to ask all the questions which were on my mind.

“So, do you keep in touch with Maite?”

He blinked, as if he was trying to focus, then put down his fork. “No. I should have been honest with you from the start. Maite was a girl who worked at the club. Well, she was a little more than that…”

I rested my cutlery on the table as his eyes flashed and he continued to talk with no hesitation about the past. “Not this club, but the other one we were managing before we bit the bullet and decided to open our own.”

“Okay.”

I didn’t know what more to say.

“Anyway, we got close. I’d just finished my service, or more like got dismissed.”

His eyes turned dark and he cleared his throat as if to not elaborate on that part of the story.

“And she was there. She was nice. Friendly. Exactly what was needed and company. We got on well, and well… I don’t have to paint you a picture, but we were close.”

His eyes met mine. I expected him to say more, but his mouth was firmly shut.

“Is that it?”

He shook his head. “No. Just that darkness seemed to its ugly head. She asked where we were going, what was going on? Clearly, she wanted more, a lot more. We were having fun and apart from what needed to be done on a monthly basis, I’d never had a girlfriend. Never wanted one. Never felt the need.”

“So, how come you spent so much time with her?”

“Mom died. Or rather, Mom killed herself. Stan and Pete were grieving, the only ones I could really turn to, and I needed someone. Fuck! I sound like a right jerk, but Maite was there at the right time to take away the pain.”

“Then what happened?”

He took in a deep breath, no more avoiding my stare, but looking directly at me. “Rachel and Steven happened next.”

I shook my head, thinking he wasn’t going to get away that lightly with just saying that the twins came along and that was it. There must have been more to the story.

“She wanted love, and I just couldn’t give it to her. Then, the twins were left with a note, saying she couldn’t do it alone. I knew why she’d forced my hand that day.”

“Oh.”

He nodded. “Yeah, there are some things in life I’m not proud of, and Maite is one of them. She wanted more, a relationship. She told me she loved me, and I said some shit to her. Don’t bother asking what, I was drunk most of the time I was with her. Fuck, probably all of the time. I knew she was illegal, it wasn’t a secret, and she didn’t try to hide it. And let’s be frank, I didn’t need to ask the question. The club was the kind of place that most of the girls there were either hiding or running away from something. No one says when they ask at school, what do you want to be when you grow up? And a kid replies, a stripper. There’s a reason you’re in that line of business, and the reason isn’t pretty.”

I didn’t know if I liked or hated his frankness. I realized the difference between him and his brothers. Rick was the type where there was no holding back. He’d naturally taken on the role as the dad because he was the one who kept it all together. As he talked about his past, I could feel the remorse, but I couldn’t figure out if it was remorse because of what had happened or the way he’d treated Maite, or because he discovered in the midst of it all, he did truly love her.

“It was all fucked-up. I started drinking, getting jealous of guys groping and wanting to touch her. I hooked up with her as a stripper, and I was sending her the wrong signals. I was a jerk. So, when she left the twins, I still took the DNA test, just to get Stan off my back. But I knew from the moment I cast eyes on them that they were mine. There was no denying it.”

“And Maite… you tried to find her?”

He nodded. “I did a couple of times. But then I just wished she was okay. Clearly, she wasn’t when she dropped the twins, but I hope somewhere along the line she has managed to find peace.”

“Do you still love her?”

He choked, “That’s the problem. I never did love her; I just used her. But I know in my heart of hearts that she loved me. As I said, I was in a dark place, one in which I have no intention of going back to.”

He didn’t need to say anything more than that. It was weird when he said he didn’t love Maite; I felt relieved, as if he’d said he did, then I would have been jealous. It was crazy… she was the twin’s mom after all, and I was just nothing but the nanny.