Chapter 38 : Choices where Made
STEPHEN’S POV
I knew he was back the second the door opened.
I didn’t look up from the couch. I didn’t have to. I could feel him and his presence filling the room the way it always did, loud even when he wasn’t speaking.
And then her voice followed and for a second, my stomach dropped so hard I thought I might actually throw up.
“There you are,” she said, light and sweet.
I kept my eyes on the wall, my jaw locked so tight it hurt.
“I shouldn’t care.” That’s what I told myself, over and over.
He made his choice because that’s what this was, right? A choice.
I heard the door to his room shut. I heard the shuffle of shoes against the floor and she asked if he was okay.
There was silence and the sound of kissing followed and a few minutes later, she was moaning. My chest tightened so violently it felt like something inside me had snapped.
I told myself not to listen to any of it I did.
From where I was sitting in the living room, I could see them in the reflection of the dark window. Hayden’s hands were on her waist and her arms were around his neck. It looked natural, easy, and normal. It was like what happened between us had never existed and I hadn’t felt his fingers gripping my shirt or he hadn’t kissed me back with just as much heat.
My throat burned.
He pulled her closer and she melted into him.
I turned away sharply, my stomach twisting.
So that was it. I was the mistake and the experiment. The “what the hell just happened” moment he needed to erase.
Anger flooded in, hot and sharp.
Because he had looked at me earlier like I had done something unforgivable and I had forced him into something awful.
I didn’t force him. He kissed me back and pulled me closer. He made that sound in his throat like he had been starving.
But now? Now he was proving something.
I couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore, but I didn’t need to. The soft sounds of moans coming from Lilian were enough. The slamming the bed against the wall, and she was screaming his name. It was too much.
I grabbed my headset off my desk and shoved it over my ears, blasting music loud enough that the bass rattled through my skull.
There… peace or at least something close to it.
I walked back to my room and I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling, my heart pounding as I’d just run suicides.
I hated this. I hated him. I hated that I cared.
My phone buzzed against my chest and I almost ignored it but I needed something, anything, to pull me out of my own head.
I glanced at the notification from instagram and I was shocked to see who it was.
Troy.
I frowned slightly. I knew him. He had been all flirty the few times we met but I opened the message anyway.
Are you alive or are you ghosting the world tonight?
I stared at it for a second before typing back.
Unfortunately, I'm alive.
And his reply came almost instantly.
Damn. That's dramatic huh? You at the dorm?
I hesitated before I responded.
Yeah.
Three dots appeared and his message came through.
Marcus said you disappeared early last time. Is everything good?
Everything’s fine. I responded to him and there was another pause before he responded.
You don’t sound fine. You know you’re too pretty to be miserable, right?
I snorted at the lame attempt to flirt with me.
Is that the line you use on everyone?
Only the ones I mean it for.
I rolled onto my side, staring at the wall separating me from Hayden.
I couldn’t hear them anymore, but that almost made it worse. My imagination filled in the blanks. My jaw clenched.
You’re seriously hot, you know that? I don’t get why you’re single.
My fingers hovered over the screen as I thought because I kissed my rival and he acted like I ruined his life.
Instead, I type…..
Who says I’m single?
Oh? Is that supposed to scare me off?
I huffed a quiet laugh. He was bold and I give him that.
I wouldn't mind seeing you again…or more than seeing you.
My pulse ticked up, not with butterflies, not with nerves. This was Marcus’s friend and I was fucking Marcus but I just… need a distraction.
So I typed… Is that message right?
Yeah. Been thinking about you since the last time. You’ve got that quiet thing going on but I know you’re not actually quiet.
I swallowed. He wasn’t wrong.
Bet you would be in trouble.
I thought about Hayden’s mouth on mine, about the way he had looked at me like I was both oxygen and poison. Then about the way he had turned to Lilian five minutes later, as none of it mattered.
My anger sharpened as I responded. Maybe I am
I’d let you prove it. He responded with a wink emoji.
I exhaled slowly.
In the other room, I heard faint laughter and that did it.
What exactly are you suggesting?
That I’d really like to hook up. No drama. No complications. Just fun.
God, that sounded so simple. Just two people wanting each other. My thumbs moved before I could overthink it.
And if I said I might be interested?
Then I’d ask when.
My heartbeat thudded in my ears. Was I actually considering this? Or was I just trying to prove I didn’t care?
I was trying to drown out the image of Hayden’s hands on someone else and convince myself that I didn’t want him specifically. That I just wanted… anyone.
Another vibration from the other side of the wall as the bed kept slamming lightly against it. I squeezed my eyes shut.
If he could move on that fast, so could I.
I’m free this weekend.
The reply came instantly.
Saturday night? I’ll make it worth it.
I smirked faintly. We’ll see.
I set my phone down on my chest and stared at the ceiling again.
The music was still blasting in my ears, but it didn’t block everything. I could still hear the sounds coming out of Hayden’s room and Lilian moaning loudly for him to fuck her harder. My dick hardened and I wished it were me.
Fuck you, Hayden