Chapter 37 : Dark Sky
HAYDEN’S POV
The hallway felt too small.
I didn’t realize how fast I was walking until I nearly collided with a freshman turning the corner. I muttered an apology without slowing down. My lungs burned as I had just run drills for an hour straight.
I needed air.
I pushed through the side exit of the dorm and stepped into the night as the old wind hit my face. It should’ve helped but it didn’t.
I dragged a hand down my face and leaned against the brick wall.
I kissed him.
and not just kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and that was the part that wouldn’t settle in my chest.
It wasn’t some drunken mistake, it wasn’t a dare, it wasn’t curiosity. I actually liked it.
The memory flashed in my head without permission where Stephen’s hands were fisting into my shirt, the moans he made when I pulled him closer, the way his mouth moved against mine like he’d been holding back for months.
My stomach twisted. “This is insane,” I muttered to myself.
“Are you talking to the wall now?”
I flinched and looked up.
Gerald was standing a few feet away, with a backpack slung over one shoulder and his eyebrows raised.
“Jesus,” I exhaled. “Have you ever heard of making noise when you walk?”
He smirked. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”
“I think it feels like it.”
He studied me for a second longer but, thankfully, didn’t pry. “You heading to the library?”
I blinked. “What?”
“The assignment? The coach partnered with us for the sports psych project. You forgot?”
Right…the project.
For a second, I was grateful for something normal, that didn’t involve Stephen’s mouth on mine.
“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Yeah. Let’s just… walk.”
We started toward the academic building, our steps falling into rhythm.
Gerald launched straight into it. “So I was thinking we should focus on performance anxiety and how rivalry impacts it, especially with high-level athletes.”
My jaw tightened involuntarily.
Of course.
“Yeah,” I said evenly. “That makes sense.”
He kept talking. “Like how internal competition can either push someone to be better or completely screw with their head. There is research on identity attachment too. When athletes tie their whole worth to winning.”
Stephen’s voice echoed in my head because I don’t know how not to compete. It’s the only thing I’m good at.
I swallowed.
“Hayden?” he called.
“Hm?”
“You with me?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “Keep going.”
We sat at one of the outdoor benches near the building, Gerald pulling out his laptop. He explained how we could divide the presentation…he would handle the data, and I would cover case examples and analysis.
I nodded at the right moments, contributed where I could, and even suggested pulling in locker room dynamics and emotional suppression in male athletes.
“Exactly,” Gerald said. “Like how guys don’t talk about stuff. They just let it build until it explodes.”
My mind flicked back to Stephen in the bathroom with his red eyes, shaking hands.
I exhaled slowly.
We talked for almost forty minutes. Long enough for my breathing to even out and for the initial shock to dull into something else which was confusion.
When Gerald finally packed up, he clapped my shoulder. “You good, man? You seem… off.”
“I’m fine.”
He gave me a look that clearly said he didn’t believe that, but he let it go. “Cool. I’ll send you my notes.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
He left and just like that, the quiet came back. I leaned back on the bench and stared at the dark sky.
I kissed a man.
The words felt foreign. I wasn’t… that. Was I?
I had girlfriends and I wanted to be no where but in between a girl's legs and I never questioned it. Lilian had been easy, fun, and uncomplicated.
Stephen was none of those things.
Stephen was fire and ego and sharp edges and a challenge I could never quite win and when he kissed me back…My chest tightened. It didn’t feel wrong.
That was the problem.
It felt right, too right.
I stood abruptly, pacing a few steps. “This is just tension,” I muttered. “Competition and fucking adrenaline.”
That’s all it was. It was months of rivalry twisting into something physical and it didn’t mean anything.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, making me jump. I brought it out to see that it was Lilian
I stared at her name for a second before answering. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said, but her voice sounded hesitant. “Are you coming back soon?”
“Why?”
“I’m in your room.”
My heart skipped. “What?”
“I stopped by to see you and Stephen opened the door.”
My stomach dropped. “And?” I asked carefully.
“He’s acting weird, Hayden. Like… really weird. He barely looked at me. He just said you weren’t there and walked off.”
I pressed my fingers to my forehead. Of course he did.
“He probably just had a bad day,” I said quickly.
“Did you guys fight again?”
“No.”
There was a pause. “Are you coming back?”
I hesitated. If I went back, I would have to see him and have to deal with whatever that was between us now but Lilian was there so nothing was going to happen.
“I’m on my way,” I said. I hung up and stood still for a second.
“You’re overthinking this. You’re bored. That’s all. I told myself. “Stephen’s dramatic and he got into your head. That kiss? Just pent-up energy and I have been stressed.”
My jaw tightened.
This was simple. I walked back toward the dorm, forcing my thoughts into neat lines.
I like girls and I have always liked girls. One kiss doesn’t change that or define anything. It was a mistake.
When I reached the building, my heartbeat started climbing again. I climbed the stairs two at a time and stopped outside my door.
For a split second, I imagined pushing it open and seeing Stephen instead, looking at me with that same stunned expression, maybe he would say something, or maybe not.
My chest tightened. I shoved the thought away and opened the door.
Lilian was sitting on my bed, scrolling through her phone. She looked up and smiled when she saw me.
“There you are.” I closed the door behind me. “You okay?” she asked, standing.
“Yeah,” I said automatically.
She stepped closer, studying my face. “You don’t look okay.”
I didn’t answer because if I opened my mouth, I wasn’t sure what would come out.
Instead, I pulled her toward me and kissed her. It was familiar and soft but it was nothing like Stephen’s. She melted into it easily, hands sliding up my chest.
See? Normal. This is normal.
But even as I deepened the kiss, even as I tried to lose myself in the heat of it, there was a part of my mind that betrayed me as all I could think about was making out with Stephen.