Chapter 73 His breath caught when he saw me.
Saraphina
“Jesus!”
I heard the voice again, sharp and real this time. Then I felt strong arms grab me and I was dragged up, out of the water, into the cold air. I blinked my eyes open. Cole was holding me. He looked terrified.
“Cole…” I whispered.
“Oh god,” he choked out. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. I looked down. The water in the tub was cloudy and dark with red. I understood what I had done.
In one quick motion, he lifted me, carried me to the bed, and laid me down. He snatched a piece of my clothing from the floor and tied it tight around my wrist, pressing down hard. He lifted my arm above my heart and then ran to the living room. I heard him scrambling, and then he was back with the first aid kit, sitting beside me on the bed.
“What were you thinking, Saraphina?!” His voice was loud, but it shook. I had no words left.
He undid the makeshift cloth and began to wrap my wrist with a proper bandage. His hands would not stop trembling. His eyes were wet.
“Cole,” I said, my own voice thin and weak.
He finished the bandage but did not let go. He held my wrist, keeping the pressure on, his grip unsteady.
“I am right here. Are you okay?” His eyes were wide with a fear I had never seen in him before. “I should call for help.”
I shook my head and gripped his hand, stopping him.
“Damn it,” he muttered, staring at the bandage already blooming with a spot of red.
“You… came back?” My throat was raw.
“Of course I came back,” he said, his breathing uneven. “I just walked around the block. I could not leave things the way they were. So I came back up. And I found you… like that. In a tub full of bloody water. What the hell, Saraphina? What the actual hell?”
Tears were running down his face. He did not wipe them away. He just looked at me, his expression a mess of shock and pain.
“I did not… I did not plan it. It just happened. I am so sorry,” I stammered.
“You did not think? How could you not think? What if I had been five minutes later? What if your mom had come home and found you?” He was not yelling at me. He was yelling for me, the sound torn from somewhere deep inside him.
I felt like the most horrible person alive. I had been drowning in my own hurt, blind to anyone else’s. And Cole… he cared so much, and all I ever did was cause him pain.
“You are lucky it is not worse. But you are never doing this again. Do you hear me?” His voice was firm now. I nodded, silent. “I will get rid of every single blade in this place if I have to.”
Using the little strength I had, I pushed myself to sit up. His hand went to my back, holding me steady.
“Cole… I am such a mess. A complete disaster.” Tears broke free, streaming down my face without control. “I will understand… if you do not want this anymore. If you do not want me. I was trying… I really was.” The words came between sobs.
This was not fair to him. I needed to untangle my feelings for Ryan first, but I did not know how to even start. I was still thinking of Ryan, even then. A quiet, shameful part of me had wished it was his voice I heard, his arms that pulled me out.
Cole sighed deeply. He reached for my face. His eyes were so soft as he leaned his forehead against mine. He was quiet for a moment, his warm breath on my cheeks, his thumb gently stroking my skin.
“I know I keep hurting you. You deserve so much better than this,” I whispered, biting my lip and looking away.
He lifted my chin, making me meet his gaze again. He smiled a small, sad smile and shook his head.
“It is okay. I am okay.”
“Cole?”
“You are not getting rid of me, Saraphina Livingston. Not ever,” he said, like it was the simplest fact in the world.
“But…”
“Saraphina, I take it back. Everything I said before. If you just need me to be the person you lean on for now, that is fine. I will be that. I will be your second choice. I will be whatever you need me to be. Just please,” his voice cracked, his eyes shining, “please do not hurt yourself like this.”
He leaned closer. Our noses were touching, our lips almost meeting.
“You can do whatever you want with me. I do not care. Just… do not do this to yourself.”
His words settled inside me, finding a place in my soul I thought was closed off forever. My hand lifted, my fingers resting lightly on his cheek. I brushed his tears away, and he leaned into my touch.
“Cole… you are not some consolation prize,” I breathed. I paused, gathering the truth. “I… I love you.”
He caught his breath. His deep brown eyes searched mine, looking for any doubt.
So much in my life had changed. People had left. My dad. My mom, in her own way. Ryan. But Cole never left. He was always there. Solid. My rock. I knew I could always rely on him, and that alone gave me a glimmer of hope.
I really do love this boy. Maybe not in the same wild, desperate way I loved Ryan, but I love him. It is real.
“Saraphina…” he said softly.
“I mean it. I really do.”
“I… love you, too,” he said. But he did not have to say it. I already knew.
A small smile touched both our lips. We leaned in and kissed. My hand went to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He made a quiet sound and kissed me deeper, his tongue gently meeting mine. His hands rested on my sides, and mine traveled over his shoulders and chest. I was only wrapped in a towel, and with our movement, it slipped loose and fell away.
His breath caught when he saw me.