Chapter 68 I think we need to talk
“I am her friend. And I love her.” He cut me off again, and the words made my throat close. “If you really cared about her, you would never have put her in this position.”
“And if you were really her friend,” I shot back, “you would support her choice. Saraphina and I love each other. You should accept that.”
I thought that was the end of it. But then he started to laugh. A harsh, ugly sound. I let go of his shirt.
“Saraphina can love whoever she wants,” he snorted. “That was never my problem. I saw you two together weeks ago, by the cathedral. I figured it out. You were the guy from Hawaii. She only told me yesterday, but I did not care. It did not change how I saw her. She was still the girl I fell in love with.”
Hearing him say he loved her made my vision pulse red. But I held still. I had to hear the rest.
“My problem is not who she dates. My problem is why you have to take her away from here. She has to give up her entire world just to be with you, and you are okay with that? That is fucked up. You just want to keep her all to yourself, you selfish prick.”
I have been punched. I have been hit. This was worse. This felt like he was turning my own guts inside out.
“You do not know what you are talking about. We love each other,” I said, my teeth grinding together.
“Love?” He laughed again, and I hated the sound. “You call this mess love? You are either stupid or crazy. Either way, she would be better off if you vanished.”
I was breathing hard. This kid was insane. I was picturing all the ways I could hurt him right here. But then I understood. He was saying all this… because he was trying to protect her.
“You know, for the longest time, I was jealous of you,” he said, his voice dropping. “I heard all her stories. How she fell for this amazing guy in Hawaii. I wished I was you. I wished she would look at me like that. But now… I pity you. I feel sorry for you. Because you are about to do the worst thing someone can do to a person they claim to love.”
I could not listen anymore. I dug into my pocket, threw some cash on the table, and stood up. I gave him one last hard look before I walked away.
I left him there, but his words followed me. They hung on my shoulders with every step.
I will not lie. The thoughts were already there, hiding in the back of my mind. I knew. But hearing someone else say them out loud… that was different.
This world is trash. She is something pure, stuck here with the rest of us. I promised to protect her, but I failed. I touched her with my dirty hands. I ruined her.
He was right. I was a selfish prick. I wanted too much. I took too much. I never even saw all the things she was giving up for me.
I wanted her to have everything. She should never have to settle for less. Not even for me.
The apartment was empty when I got back. Saraphina was not home yet. Looking around, I saw it properly for the first time. This place was filled with her life.
The photos on the fridge. The books on the shelves. Her old toys. The Christmas lights she refused to take down. The little pencil marks on the wall tracking how she had grown.
I could see it all. Little Saraphina running through these rooms. Loiusa making her breakfast. Her doing homework on that couch. Growing up. Becoming this beautiful, brilliant woman.
The ache in my chest was a real, physical pain. I was going to be the one who took this all away from her. The truth is, if you know me, you know I have only ever cared about myself. If I wanted something, I took it. I did not care about the cost, or who it hurt. People have taken things from me my whole life. Why could I not do the same?
But I could not. Not to her.
For so long, I thought the whole world was against us. The world was the problem. But the problem was me. I was the one standing in her way.
Looking around this apartment, you could pick out my things immediately. My shoes, my clothes, my books. They did not belong here. They looked wrong.
Fuck.
I really believed I was doing the right thing. I truly thought this was how we proved our love. But there are a million ways to love someone. I had to find a better way to love her.
I was staring at a picture on the bookshelf. Saraphina, maybe ten years old, with a bright, shining smile, standing with Loiusa in front of the Statue of Liberty. I did not know how long I had been standing there when I heard the door open.
“Hey! Sorry I am late. I got us takeout,” she said, her voice that sweet, happy sound that usually fixed everything.
I gave her a weak smile and looked away fast. I did not want her to see my face. But she did not need to see. She just knew.
“Hey,” she said softly, walking over to me.
I did not move. I kept my back to her. Slowly, her arms slipped around my waist. She hugged me from behind, pressing her warmth into my back. Her arms linked over my stomach and held on tight.
She is too good for me. I never deserved her.
I turned around slowly. My hand went to her face, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Hi,” I whispered.
Her beautiful blue eyes were wide, searching mine. They said everything. She knew something was wrong. Maybe she had felt it coming, too. I saw confusion there. Fear. Even a flash of guilt.
She was trying to be brave, but she was just as lost as I was.
“Ry…?” Her voice was small.
I think we both knew we were losing.
Her face was so small, it fit perfectly in my hands. My thumb stroked her cheek.
I swallowed hard, biting my lip. “Saraphina,” I said, the words like glass in my throat. “I think we need to talk.”