Chapter 75 THE COST TO FORGIVE
AYRA'S POV
“Life is really unfair but you have to forget the hurt and move on. That is how life works, babe.” Stella explained.
“Are you taking their sides now? Whose side are you even on?” I asked Stella as I really felt it weird and annoying that she didn't support me.
“I feel it's just so unfair that you do something wrong and still remain unforgiving for the offense another committed. It's okay to hurt but it's unwise to keep hurting. Your life is not only rotating around them, you have other things to focus on so forget about it. Or maybe you're even upset because it wasn't your pussy that was screwed.” Stella teased but that joke didn't get to me.
“Fuck off.” I said to her as she laughed out loud.
“Yeah but to be serious, babe, don't think too much about it alright?” She said, sounding serious once more.
I nodded slowly while pulling myself together.
"Thank you, Stella." I replied as I managed a smile.
"I have to go. I need to take a shower. I will call you tomorrow… I love you." I replied.
“Love you too, sweetie. Don’t do anything drastic, okay? Get some sleep.” She said before hanging up.
I got off the video call before I lost it again. It was really quiet in the tent. That made my breathing sound super loud. What Stella said was mean. It was like a wake-up call. I did cheat on someone. I do not have the right to be this sad. But the pain was still there. It felt like an empty space in my chest that would not stop hurting.
I felt guilty and hurt as the pain from the affair was still hurting me as well as the guilt, which was making it worse.
I took off my scrubs. This was something I did every day so I did not even think about it. I walked over to the mirror that was hanging on the wall. I looked at myself and noticed that my eyes looked terrible.
They were all puffy and red. I had circles under my eyes and they felt really sore. I looked like I had gotten a lot older. It was like I had aged ten years since that night.
My medical scrubs were lying on the floor now. I was still thinking about how bad I looked in the mirror.
I was getting my towel when someone started knocking loudly on the door of my tent. The knocking was so loud. It just kept going.
“Knock. Knock. Knock.”
The knocking sound was really unique. It sounded like music. It was the kind of rapping that Justin used. He would always knock four times, loud and fast like someone playing a drum. The sound was like a beat. Justin was the person who knocked like that.
I froze on the spot after realizing it was him. My heart started beating really fast against my ribs as I let go of the towel.
The knocking stopped.
"Arya? Sis I know you are in there please open the door. We need to talk about this. Please Arya just listen to me." He said in a muffled and upset voice.
I sat down on the edge of my bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. My body was really tired and drained from the day's activities.
Should I open the door and hear him out? But what was he going to say if not to give excuses for doing what he did?
No, I was not going to let that happen. I didn't want to see him let alone hear a word from him.
I have had enough already. Let him just go and stop bothering me.
As I had already made up my mind not to talk to him or even open the door, my phone began to ring.
I checked my phone screen and saw that it was Justin.
I got pissed off. Can't he just leave me alone? Let them go and fuck themselves, I don't care!
But Stella's voice kept ringing in my ears. Her words disturbed me a lot. I did the same thing so why couldn't I just let go of this?
Well, if I opened the door, I would have to hear excuses and his reasons for what he and Mike did. I would have to look at the eyes of my step brother and lover, who betrayed me and I wonder if the sadness in his eyes is real or if he was just being sorry because he got caught.
No, in as much as I tried to let Stella's words persuade me to open the door, I wasn't going to.
I wasn't strong enough to deal with this.
I closed my eyes tight hoping he would just leave me alone. I did not want to see him so I kept my eyes closed wishing that he would go away. As the knocking and phone calls grew intense, I shut my eyes tightly as if it would make him stop and go away.
His voice came again by the door. "Arya please," he said.
"I am standing here. It is cold. Mike is worried about you too. We have been trying to call you all day. Just give me five minutes, Arya.” He continued to plead.
I did not say a word as I remained still. The silence outside the door was really uncomfortable. I heard Justin sigh in frustration.
“Knock. Knock. Knock. KNOCK!” The knocking grew intense as it irritated me.
“Arya, I am really upset. This situation is totally crazy. I do not want to leave until you have a conversation with me about what's going on!” Justin fumed with anger.
His anger, which came from feeling frustrated and guilty, made me more determined. I needed some space and I was determined to get it.
I held my breath as the knocking stopped. I listened to his footsteps slowly going away from the door. The gravel outside was loose as it crunched under his feet.
I sighed in relief after he was gone. It hurt that someone had betrayed me. It also hurt to think about how I had done the same thing to others. Tonight, I was not going to try to make myself feel better.
I was just going to sit and deal with the mess that my life was already in.
I finally got up and went to the bathroom. I turned the faucet on as hot water rushed out of the tap before I stepped into the shower.
I let the water run all over me as I pulled my knees up to my chest.
After a relaxing shower, I washed myself up and got out. I dried my body and my hair, slipped into something comfortable for the night and got into bed.
I was not yet sleepy but I let myself get lost in the silence. At least I could think calmly and let nature have its way through my soul.
“I will talk to them tomorrow.” I finally concluded as I closed my eyes to sleep.
I had already let myself accept reality and just let it go. After all, how much did it cost to forgive?