Chapter 74 GUILT TRAP
ARYA'S POV
I rolled my eyes at Stella as she was obviously spitting trash.
“Do not roll your eyes at me Arya. We have been friends since we were kids. I know you well Arya. Your eyes right now look like you have been crying for a very long time. Tell me, what's wrong?”
Stella's face was very serious. She was not joking around anymore. She knew me too well. Hiding anything from her was impossible, not for long.
I let out a breath and rubbed my face with my hand.
“It's Justin…. and Mike.” I finally let the cat out of the bag.
Stella leaned in closer to the screen. Her brow was all scrunched up.
“What about them? Are they okay? What happened?” Stella asked me.
I shook my head as the thoughts of the betrayal still hit me hard and it really was hurting.
"On the night when I arrived here, I went to pay them a surprise visit because they didn't know I would be coming yesterday. So when I went, I saw something that upset me. They had a woman in their tent with them.” I replied with a quiet and shaky voice, breaking through the silence that was once there.
I took a bottle of water and sipped it slowly then held onto it tightly, as if releasing my fears through my fingers.
I could not bring myself to look at Stella's face on my phone screen.
The line went silent for a moment. Stella's face changed, not in a big shocking way like I thought it would.
Instead she looked like she understood something in a serious way. Stella's expression was grim like she knew something already.
The way she reacted it really hurt me. She was not totally surprised.
“You know it's not really much of a deal, babe.” Stella replied in a low voice.
"But not like this Stella! They brought a stranger into our thing. We were supposed to be a team, three of us. If they wanted something they should have talked to me about it. They should have asked me what I thought but they did not do that. They just did it like my feelings do not matter. Like they did not care if I found out and to worsen it, they were not even apologetic like it didn't bother them at all.” I finally let out my feelings. My voice sounded so hurtful as.i was almost tearing up but I held myself from doing that.
The water bottle slipped off my hands. I tried so hard to hold back my tears but I couldn't anymore so I just let them flow freely. They deserved some freedom at least. The music store was really getting to me.
Stella's face changed totally as she looked at me with a lot of sympathy now.
"Oh babe. I am really sorry. What happened is very bad. That is not a relationship that is just being very disrespectful. You are right. They should have talked to you about it.” Stella comforted me with the words I wanted to hear. She believed that they did not treat me well and that they should have been honest with me from the start.
She looked at me as I cried for a while giving me the space I needed. Then she asked me in a voice;
"So is that why you are hurting so much? Why are you crying so hard?"
I looked at her quickly wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.
"Is that not a reason?" I asked her with a loud voice. I really did not understand.
Stella shook her head fast.
"No, that is not what I meant. It is definitely a reason. The doctor did something similar as well. What I meant was..." She stopped talking for a moment looking at me with a serious face.
"What about the doctor, Arya?"
My face went white as the blood just disappeared. I stopped breathing for a moment. Then I felt this huge wave of guilt that was so strong it felt like someone had actually hit me.
The bad things that Justin and Mike did, did not matter anymore because I was thinking about what I had done. My own secret was the problem now. My own mistake was what I was feeling bad about.
"What about him?" I asked quietly.
I was trying to sound like I did not care but my voice was really weak and shaky.
“Dr. Kelvin also had his way with you, babe. You've shared your pussy with three men and these guys don't know anything about him so what's the big deal now that you caught them with another woman? I mean, you also fucked another man.” Stella said in a normal voice like she was talking about something that happened every day.
The air in my tent felt really bad all of a sudden. I grabbed the edge of the table beside me. My knuckles were already turning white.
I felt really guilty and bad. Just as she said, I also had something going on, on my little thing so it was almost the same situation as theirs…. but I refused to accept that.
“It is not the same.” I muttered, my eyes moving away from my phone screen.
“Okay… I agree with you.” Stella's voice was still soft. It was also very clear and made a lot of sense.
"Look, I do not think what they did was good." She said,
"It was a crime because they didn't tell you about it but you also did something wrong Arya and you just have to accept it. The thing is, Arya, you also stepped outside the boundaries just like they did. The only difference is they got caught by you and you did not get caught by them. You are mad because you feel like they cheated on you while the truth is, you cheated too. I am not saying what they did was okay, I am just trying to be honest with you. I want to keep it real with you about what happened.” Stella concluded.
Her way of thinking was really harsh. It made a lot of sense. The anger I had been holding onto all day just slipped out of my hands. This left me feeling really vulnerable and sad.
My stomach twisted with a feeling of guilt that would not go away. The guilt I felt was burning inside of me; it was a deep feeling that I could not shake.
I was really hurt by them but now I feel guilty because of them. I felt guilty because my pain is not completely genuine. My affair with the doctor was something I had kept hidden in my mind. I did not want it to affect my life with Justin and Mike.
Stella’s words brought my secret out into the open. Now I have to deal with it. My affair with the doctor had made me question my high ground. I thought I was in the right but now, I am not so sure.
“Are you saying that I should just forget about this? Because I did something like that before?” I asked Stella in a low and quiet voice.