Chapter 43 Chapter 43: Lost and Broken
Cathy’s P.O.V
I wake up with a jolt, gasping for air like I've been drowning. My head pounds violently, each throb sending waves of nausea through my entire body. The hangover hits me like a freight train, and I squeeze my eyes shut against the pale morning light filtering through unfamiliar curtains.
Where am I?
My eyes fly open and I take in my surroundings. This isn't my bedroom. The walls are painted a soft cream color, not the stark white of my own room. The furniture is different, simpler, warmer somehow. The bed beneath me is cozy but completely foreign. Panic starts to rise in my chest as I try to piece together what happened.
Did I do something stupid last night?
The thought terrifies me, and I slowly lift the covers, almost afraid of what I might find. Relief floods through me when I see I'm still wearing the dress from last night, the beautiful black gown that now feels like a costume from someone else's life. My jewelry is still on. My shoes are placed neatly by the bedside.
Then the memories hit me like a punch to the gut. Caroline clutching her stomach. Xavier's face, pale with worry. The frantic drive through the snow. The traffic that wouldn't move fast enough. And then, oh God, then the sounds from the backseat. Caroline's moans. Xavier's heavy breathing.
My stomach lurches violently and I scramble out of bed, nearly tripping over my own feet as I run to the bathroom. I fall to my knees in front of the toilet, dry heaving until my ribs ache. Nothing comes up. There's nothing left inside me to throw up. I'm completely empty.
I stayed there on the cold tile floor, my forehead pressed against my arm, trying to catch my breath. But another memory surfaces, more vivid this time, more painful.
I stood on the sidewalk. Snow fell around me, soft and gentle, like the world doesn't know it's ending. The streets are still busy with traffic, cars moving slowly through the slush. Behind me, my car is parked at the side of the road, and it's shaking. The whole vehicle is rocking back and forth, the windows fogged up from the inside.
I don't need to see inside to know what's happening. My husband is there with another woman. With the woman carrying his child. With Caroline.
In the memory, I turn away from the car and vomit violently onto the sidewalk. My knees give out and I collapse, the cold snow soaking through my dress. My body is shutting down. I can't breathe. I can't think. Everything is spinning and fading to black.
But then I feel arms around me. Strong, steady arms lifting me up like I weigh nothing at all. A voice in my ear, deep and comforting, whispering over and over that I'm alright, that everything is going to be alright.
Hunter.
I sit up straight on the bathroom floor, my eyes wide with realization. It was Hunter who found me. Hunter who saved me from collapsing in the snow while my husband was... I can't even finish the thought.
Oh God. Hunter saw everything.
The humiliation crashes over me in waves. Not only did my husband just betray me in the most devastating way possible, but Hunter witnessed my complete breakdown. He saw me at my absolute lowest, broken and vomiting on the street while Xavier chose Caroline over me.
How can I ever face him again? How can I look him in the eye after he saw me like that?
And Xavier. How can I ever look at Xavier again after what he did? After he told me to get out of the car so he could... so he could ‘help’ Caroline. Like it was nothing. Like our marriage meant nothing. Like I meant nothing.
"This is only business, all physical and nothing emotional."
His words echo in my mind, each one a fresh stab to my heart. How could he say that? How could he think that would make it better? My husband had sex with another woman while I stood outside in the snow, and he called it business.
I pull myself up from the floor, my legs shaky and weak. I walk to the sink and turn on the cold water, splashing it on my face over and over until my skin is numb. When I finally look up at my reflection in the mirror, I barely recognize the woman staring back at me.
My makeup is smudged and streaked down my face. My hair is a tangled mess. My eyes are red and swollen, hollow and haunted. I look like a ghost of myself, like something vital has been drained away and left only this empty shell behind.
I don't have a home anymore. The thought hits me suddenly, completely. That house I've been living in with Xavier, it was never really mine, was it? It was his. His family's. And now that Caroline is carrying his heir, what place do I have there? What purpose do I serve?
Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I had, it's all gone. Shattered into a million pieces that I don't know how to put back together. I don't even know if I want to put them back together.
Maybe some things are meant to stay broken. But where does that leave me?
I grip the edge of the sink, my knuckles turning white. The porcelain is cool and solid beneath my hands, the only thing that feels real right now. My chest tightens as I try to take a deep breath, but it catches in my throat.
What am I supposed to do now? Where am I supposed to go? I can't go back to that house. I can't face Xavier, can't look at him without seeing him with Caroline in the backseat of our car. Our car. The car I was driving while he...
A sob rises in my throat but I force it down. I've cried enough. I've broken down enough. I need to pull myself together, need to figure out what comes next, even though I have absolutely no idea what that could possibly be.
I turn off the water and dry my face with a towel that smells like fresh laundry. It's soft and clean, so different from how dirty and used I feel. I take another shaky breath and look at myself in the mirror again.
"You survived last night," I whisper to my reflection. "You can survive this."
But can I? Can I really survive the complete destruction of my marriage, my life, everything I thought was true? Can I survive knowing that Xavier chose Caroline over me, that he valued his heir more than his wife, that our vows meant so little to him that he could break them without a second thought?
I don't know. I honestly don't know.
I need to thank Hunter for bringing me here, wherever here is. I need to face him even though the thought makes me want to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers forever. He helped me when I was at my absolute worst, and I owe him at least an acknowledgment of that kindness.
But more than that, I need to figure out what I'm going to do. I can't stay in this room forever, hiding from the world and from the wreckage of my life. Eventually, I'll have to make a choice about what comes next.
Do I go back to Xavier? Do I try to salvage something from this disaster of a marriage? Do I forgive him for what he did, for choosing Caroline and his precious heir over his own wife?
Or do I walk away? Do I finally admit that this marriage was doomed from the start, that I was never more than a placeholder until he got what he really wanted?
I don't have answers. All I have are questions and pain and this hollow feeling in my chest where my heart used to be.
A knock sounds at the bathroom door, sharp and sudden in the quiet room.
I freeze, my hand still gripping the towel. My heart starts racing again, pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears. I stare at the door like it might explode.
Another knock, gentler this time.
I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. When I finally speak, it comes out rough and broken.
"Yes?"
But I'm not ready. I'm not ready to face whoever is on the other side of that door. I'm not ready to face the world or the future or anything beyond this small bathroom where I can pretend, just for a moment longer, that my life hasn't completely fallen apart. The knock comes again from the bathroom door.