78- Like a normal person

Rebeca

From the moment Sebastian raised the possibility of pregnancy, the rest of the day became an endless series of surprises and I discovered that I know absolutely nothing about my own body. Now I'm a pregnant woman, totally inexperienced, panicking and with no idea what to do next.

I'm afraid of what might happen.

What if Sebastian gets angry with me about it? Even though he's already assured me it won't happen, who's to say it won't? He could change his mind at any moment.

I confess that when I heard the time of my pregnancy and that I was going to have a boy, something happened inside me, something beyond surprise and panic at the whole situation. A warm and welcoming feeling, something I'd never felt before, but which I know is meant for this little life growing inside me, even though it doesn't look like I'm having a baby, it's been proven that there is one and I need to look after it properly now that I know the truth.

There are so many things to do, I don't even know where to start.

I was so tired that I ended up falling asleep in the car, I felt Sebastian carry me all the way to the bedroom and put me to bed, but I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep and preferred not to open my eyes. When I woke up, I was alone in bed, and Sebastian didn't seem to be anywhere, so I got up slowly and went out to look for him, until I found him in the kitchen, he was cooking and looked as handsome as ever, even though it was a totally new sight to see my tough husband in an apron concentrating while stirring something in a pan.

\- I didn't know you cooked. - I approach him slowly and he comes to meet me.

\- I know how to make something, enough to keep me from starving and it tastes decent. - he says.

\- Great, I know how to make one or two things too, we can put that together sometime. - I offer suggestively.

\- I'm not sure we could make anything. - He grabs me around the waist and slowly pulls me to him.

\- I can't do anything about it if I have such a delicious husband. - I say, circling his chest with my finger.

\- I can say the same about my beautiful wife. - He comes closer and nibbles my neck.

\- I see, in that case, what do you say we have dinner and then watch a movie? - I suggest.

\- Are we really going to do that? - he asks surprised.

\- Why, don't you want to? - he asks, suddenly unsure of his words.

\- It's not that, it's just that something as normal as just sitting down and watching a movie is something different for me, I've never done anything like this before. - he confesses, looking a little embarrassed about it and I think it's cute.

\- Ah, finally something you'll do with me for the first time. I guarantee you'll like it and we can always spice things up during the movie, we're not obliged to just watch and do nothing else, it's just that I want to be close to you for a while and that's all. - I confess that I'm a little ashamed of my pathetic role, but I can't stop myself, I want to make sure that nothing has changed, that he'll still be with me at any moment and smile in that way that he always does and makes me wobbly-legged, I just want him to be by my side so that I can convince myself that nothing will change.

I'm so ashamed of myself right now. I feel pathetic acting like this, but there's nothing I can do.

\- Let's do it, then. - agrees without any resistance.

\- Good. What are you doing, it smells good. - I approach the steaming pot. I see spaghetti and Bolognese sauce and give him an approving look, which makes him laugh.

We dine quietly, talking about the next steps, how we should proceed from now on and what to do if Anastasia's relatives really do make the first move as we expect.

I explain my plan to him and how it should be executed so that nothing goes wrong and he warns me that Anastasia has been arrested and that her brother could move at any moment from now on and that we should keep our attention. We leave the subject of our son out of the conversation, that's enough for one day, we're both still digesting all the newly acquired information and the best thing for now is simply to go slowly and put the pieces in place in due course and when we're both thinking clearly. After finding out about this pregnancy I didn't act with any clarity, for the first time in my life I let my emotions take over and I just freaked out like never before, all I did was cry and ask obvious questions. Now that I'm calmer, I realize how shamefully I behaved. Especially in front of Sebastian and Amelia, I knew everything I asked, I just wasn't thinking clearly enough and I behaved like a desperate teenager and it's so shameful that I don't want to go back there, even though I know I have to.

Well, when the time comes, I can claim that all this is the result of the shock of discovering that I wasn't thinking straight, that's what I can do to keep my dignity.

I sat down with Sebastian on the sofa, we chose an action movie and while we watched, I commented on what was going on here and there, we laughed about some things and enjoyed each other's company as if we were an ordinary couple, it was so good that I almost forgot who we really were, our responsibilities and everything that is about to happen, all the enemies behind our heads, in search of power and all the internal conflict that is going on right now. For almost an hour, I forgot all my worries and just focused on enjoying a movie next to the man I love, the father of my son, and pretended I didn't know that the world is about to collapse on our heads and that anything can happen, one mistake and many people will die, and just for a few long, precious minutes, I let myself forget these facts and lay happily in my man's arms and enjoyed it like a normal person.