Chapter 46-2

She looked hesitant at first before she nodded quietly and walked towards the kitchen. She pulled out a chair to sit. While I stood up leaning on the counter to a get a clear view of her. It was silent for a while, none of us spoken until I finally said what I needed to say. "I want you back." "Asher no I'm not doing this" "These last few days have been torture for me Natalia." "No, that's not enough." She said shaking her head. "I've missed you, it’s so hard to look around and see you not there beside me." "Stop." "At work." I said "Stop!" "At home" "No please stop!" "My bed." "Asher, please stop enough!" She said screaming and getting up from the table. "No, I'm not going to stop not until you come back to me!" I said screaming towards her. "You're not getting me back ever, if you don't change!" She yelled. I stepped up to her closer " I'm changing, I have I realized that-" "No, you don't Asher because if you do we won't be arguing about the same thing we always do and you wouldn't order me to come back to you!" She said with her eyes brightening in anger. "Then what do you want me to do, since you have all the answers! Where do I start-" "Where were you that night?" She asked calmly but still breathing heavy ready to blow at any minute. "We're not going through this again Natalia!" I yelled turning around. "See, that's what I’m talking about! You asked me where to start, and I'm telling you to give me the truth and you can't even give me that!" I heard her still screaming in the background. I was done with keeping this from her. I can't not hold this from her, especially if I want her back. I turned around and spoke cutting her off from her screaming. "Yes, I was with Victoria! And Yes, I did go to her house Happy?!" I said screaming in her face at this point. She backed down and looked shocked and hurt before she became angry once again and pushed me repeatedly until she was sure to leave red marks on my chest "How could you-?!" "How could I what? Tell you?! Tell you that Victoria is my ex fiancé. That this conniving witch that I thought was the love of my life cheated on me with multiple men after she miscarried our baby!" "Or the fact that I was stupid enough to think that we could of went through the miscarriage and be hurt together. That it was my baby that she had lost too!" I said turning around and throwing a glass to the wall and throwing pots on the ground in anger. "That we've actually had a good solid relationship that we could've came out together through anything! But boy was I wrong about her, about myself, about my baby. I mean I couldn't even keep an engagement let alone a family together!" "I'm not good enough, I'm a screw up when it comes to everything. My own dad blames me for the miscarriage. I mean I push away the greatest thing that ever happened to me which is you, which I can't even keep! Because of my past that haunts me every night of every day." I said raising my hands in the air and bringing it back down pulling my hair in frustration! " I tried to get answers from her, and get closure, and try to wrap my head around the idea that the person that was supposed to love me the most in whole entire world left me without having any remorse for what she did to her husband to be!" I said breathing heavily. I looked up at Natalia, and said the last thing. "I couldn't even mourn the death of the baby right because I was consumed by guilt and not being enough." I said shaking my head and turning around towards the stove putting my hands at the end of the counter squeezing the material thinking that the pain will go away. I just stood there, and blocked everything out for a minute. Only hearing the breathing of my chest and the racing of my heart beat, and the heat of my body because of the anger that rose through it when I thought of her. I finally came back to realization when I heard shuffling of the feet, I thought Natalia left, until I felt small hands go up to my chest. I felt Natalia body pressed against mine from the back. Her soft hands gripping me from the front. She calmed me down, the breath from her mouth that ran down my neck gave me chills and a sense of peace. I closed my eyes and let her embrace me, and comfort me for a minute. I mean it was the first time I let her do this, and actually open up. I felt her hands slide off from my chest and her weight was off my back. She then went under my arm. Where she was now in front of me and I was facing her. I couldn't let her look at me like this, broken. I turned my head from her hiding my face. "Don't do that" I heard her whisper from beside me. "Do what?" I asked shielding my face away from her even more. "That!" She said raising her voice. She grabbed my face by her hand forcing me to turn to her. I closed my eyes, not opening them. "Look at me." She said whispering in my ear. I finally opened them and looked deep into her eyes. She looked back and forth between mine and then she looked all over my face before landing on my eyes again while caressing my cheek. "It pains me to no end to see you broken. I'm sorry that you even experienced that in the first place. I don't know why anyone would treat you badly or throw you away like trash." She said while her eyes got watery. "But I do know that I'm not Victoria. I’m far from it. You were vulnerable, and in love, and you got hurt from it." She said dropping her hands from my chest, and scrunching her eyebrows. She then looked up with at me with a determined face, with strands of her hair falling in her eyes. "I will never hurt you Asher. You are not worthless, or a screw up. You deserve to be loved, wanted and kept like any other human being." She grabbed my face again and said the last words that she's been saying for months, that had finally clicked in my mind. "You may not be enough for anyone, but you are enough for me." She said looking in my eyes and giving me a slight smile. I engulfed her in tight hug, grabbing her hair in my hands while doing so. I sunk my face into her neck overwhelming my nose with her vanilla scent. She wrapped her arms around my back also tightening her hold on me. After a minute, I finally let go and kissed her on her forehead leaning against it. I backed up a little bit so I could look at her fully. I cupped her face in my hands, and looked at her. "Come back Natalia be with me." I said to her desperately. I want her with me, I can't take it without her being here. I need her. I can't lose her. She looked up at me thinking for a long time before she unraveled her arms from me and stepped away. " I can't Asher, I care for you, but I still need my space to think. I know what I want-" "And I do too, I want you." I said looking at her in the eyes. "I know you do, but I want you to sit on it for a couple of days Asher if you want me, if you want Miya and I forever." "You need to come to a point where the word forever, or a thought of us in the future doesn't scare you." She said looking at me with her brown eyes. I looked back at her, and thought for a minute. After a while I nodded my head in agreement. She was right. I did want her, but the thought of forever with someone is still unsettling. Natalia deserves so much better. She needs someone who is 100% in it, and doesn’t have a doubt in their mind about being with Miya and her forever. She walked out of the kitchen calling for Miya upstairs for them to leave. Miya came down the stairs gave me a hug and said goodbye. Miya ran to the door, while Natalia was going to follow her before I spoke up again. "I'm not giving up on you, or on us my love" I said crossing my arms and looking at her with an intense gaze. She looked down smiled at the ground, and then back up at me like she was reminiscing about something. She was so beautiful, it sometimes stopped me from actually thinking. "I don't expect you too."