Chapter 47-1

Natalia POV I kept on fiddling with my fingers, and looking at the numbers count down, while bouncing my eyes to the doors and then back at the numbers again. It was my first time back in a few weeks. I was nervous and it felt like I needed to throw up everything I ate this morning. And 1% of it was because I was kind of worried and anxious to catch up on the work that I missed, and getting back to the flow of my job. The other 99% of it was because of one person. The man that let alone his name gives me chills, and the slight glimpse of him makes my heart beat faster every minute. Asher. I went over to his house a few days ago, thinking he was still at work but nope he wasn't. HE was there. In all his beautiful glory. He asked if we could talk which ended up in an argument like always. However, he finally opened up to me, and told me the reason that he was gone that night. With Pots flying and broken vases included. I was so devastated when I heard about his past with Victoria. I can't believe she threw him away like he was nothing, and then broke him. Leaving him scorned, and hurt, and forced him to feel like he was nothing and that he doesn't deserve everything in the world. Which he does, and it makes me feel sad that he actually feels that way about himself. I also felt... Guilty. All this time I thought he had an ego, and just being a heartless person sometimes, and that he didn't care. But, the thing is he didn't know how to care or love again. Believe me, I'm not making excuses for him, but when something like that, a traumatic event like what Asher went through. It causes the person to create defense mechanisms. Which pushes people away, and to base future relationships on his past one. I don't blame him, because many of us do it. I mean after Julian left me I felt like I could never find someone. That every guy I ran across will hurt me just like him. Finally, I got over it and moved on to be a healthy individual and mom for myself and my daughter. Asher just needs to forgive and let go when he's ready. It just sucks because I want him, but I just don't want a portion of him, I want all of him. So, until he can tell me that he can give me that. Then I can't be with him. And that's what hurts me the most. The frightening fact that I can't be with him. It's crazy how much damage and pain people can inflict on us, and cause us to be broken, and cripple from living a full life. I know a lot of us say that words can't hurt, or situations, and comments don't bother us but it's a lie. I mean somehow, someway, we all get hurt by words, or hard situations whether it's big or small. Yes, there just words, but their powerful, hurtful, words that can effect  us on our daily life, and the prime example of that is Asher. The elevator finally dinged and opened. I stepped out, and the first thing I seen was Tracey running to me with open arms. She finally engulfed me in a hug, and squeezed me tightly. To the point where it was hard to breath. "Tracey, I really like you and you're really nice, but can you please let me go so I can actually inhale and exhale." I said grasping for air. She let go of me quickly, and put her hands on her side smiling at me big. "Sorry!" She said practically screaming. "Haha it's okay." I said laughing a little. We instantly got back into talking, while walking to the break room. She asked me millions of questions most of them concerning Asher. I did admit to her that we were together, but we're not anymore. "So where do you guys stand?" She asked me. I know you're probably thinking why she's asking personal questions, but Tracey and I have gotten close over the couple months. Especially since Hawaii, I can actually call her a good friend of mine. She's always bubbly, understanding, and plus she dishes out all her drama with Jason without expecting me to tell her anything. "Honestly, I don't know. All I know is that I want a for sure and forever thing with him, and I don't think he can give me that right now you know?" "Yeah, do you think he will ever?" She asked me to scrunch her eyebrows. "I hope so, but I definitely think that he's capable of doing so." I said shrugging my shoulders and finishing up his coffee. "Well, I hope everything goes well for you guys. I mean I wouldn't imagine anyone better for him and vice versa." She said smiling. I returned the smile, and nodded my head. We stepped out of the work space together. "Hold on, does he know that you are here today for your first day back?" She said stopping me from walking. I totally forgot, I don't know how I can space something that important. Or maybe I just didn't want to call him, and tell him? "I guess it slipped my mind?" I said in more of a question then a statement. She chuckled at my response, turned around to her desk, sat in her chair, and looked up at me. "Well, tell me the details when you come back for lunch.  I do not want to miss this drama." She said "It's not that big of deal." I said rolling my eyes in a playful manner. "We're talking about Asher, the same person that got mad the first couple days you worked here because you were simply getting lunch?" She said looking at me like I was crazy. It finally did settled in. "Yup, never mind then I guess I will be telling you all the 'drama'. Only if you spill about your one and only Jason!" I yelled to her while walking backwards. She looked around and gave me a sssh sound with her finger to her lips in a shocked face because I said that out loud. There was no one even close to us, and no one would even care. Everyone is to focus on making the boss happy then to care for anything else. I shook my head laughing looking at her one last time before I entered the hall heading towards Asher’s office. I finally came in front of his doors but before I could knock. The door swing wide open showing Asher's face. We connected eyes for a minute. His in pure shock, and mine in confusion. Where was he going in such a rush? I spoke up first. "Where are you going?" I asked "What--aarr-e you doing here?" He asked stumbling over his words. What the heck is wrong with him? "I'm working what else am I doing, now tell me where are you going?" "To a meeting, and working? Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?" He asked me directly while cornering me outside of his door. "It's not that big of a deal Asher, now tell me about this meeting." I looked at him with narrowed eyes. "What meeting?" he said "The meeting you just talked about two minutes ago!?" I said looking at him frustrated.