Chapter 75 Master's Feeling Unfold
Dear Thyago's Note;
I thought I was brave enough to fight towards winning your Master's heart. This is not just a deep crush, it is love I guess. This is strong and deep, I can feel it... Although I thought I can win him through hard work and patience, that not giving up is out of my vocabulary and that he'll soon feel the same way I do for him. I guess I have to stop hoping because it hurts a lot seeing him happy being with someone else.
Maybe I have come to a point that I realize I have to end it over. Even the strong and bravest soldier will give up in fighting when he knew what he's fighting for is no longer worth it. Yes, I'm giving up, I'm losing the battle towards your Master's heart. Perhaps, I already lose from the very beginning for there's no battle at all. I can never win his heart for his eyes and attention are all up to Elena. I've seen it, the way he stares lovingly at her and the way his face brightens up whenever he sees her, I saw the happiness reflects in his eyes and that hurt me because that's how I look like whenever I see your Master. You know what the funny is? All along I thought Elena is the vicious villain but the truth is I was that pathetic villain in their love story...
It hurts a lot, my heart still keeps on bleeding, and yet this stupid heart still beats for your Master. I hope this will pass through although I know it will never be that easy. I know my feelings well, it will take time to forget him but I know I have to. I'm so young and I shouldn't be dealing with this yet. Just wish I'll get over him soon and realize this wasn't love at all but just a deep crush that soon will fade away...
Miss Pretty
She remembered this is the time she decided to avoid him after learning that he likes Elena. Thinking those times how she was hurting on the way he looks at Elena, that is the time she has come to a point where she realizes she has to stop her craziness over Thyago. That falling in love might be a great feeling that can give you too much excitement and unexplainable happiness but it can also cause too much sadness and unexplainable pain as well. Even at her young age, she realized that what he has for Thyago was not just a mere infatuation because she feels more deeper than that but when he saw him how she adores Elena, she got jealous so much so she took that as a sign that she has to stop her foolishness over him. Now she can't believe all of those are pretensions. He was that too good in hurting her and playing Elena at the same time. What a selfish and ruthless bastard!
Dearest Miss Pretty;
I have a confession to make and I felt so sorry because I lied to you. Your tuna sandwich is the best sandwich I ever had in my entire life but I was an ass because I never told you that.
The truth is I'm not allergic to seafood or any kind of fish, I only said that because I wanted to disappoint you. I got confused about my feelings for you. This simple crush is getting deeper and I got scared and overwhelmed on what might be the consequences of it. I saw you watching from afar that time as I was with Elena. I was a jerk because I intended to be sweet to Elena at that time not to make you jealous but for you to realize that I like someone else.
I'm sorry I hurt you, I was a jerk I know. I saw how you avoided me after that and my conscience is killing me. Months of avoidance tortured me so much you know that? I hate myself because I hurt you and made you avoid me. I was an asshole and I don't know how you still managed to forgive me and give me a chance after that.
The Master
So that explains that he was really not allergic to seafood. He's really a jerk to not appreciate her will to give him food. But she could remember he told her that she was the reason why she loves seafood now. She was somehow glad about it though.
Dear Thyago's Notes,
Oh, God! Glad to be able to write again on these notes. I thought I can never express my feelings here towards your Master anymore. But I guess, it probably deserves a sequel. It deserves a happy ending, I must say...
So here's the story, he talked to me and asked for forgiveness for whatever he has done wrong. Stupid of him, he actually did nothing wrong! I chose to avoid and not bother him so that I can forget him. You see it really hurts seeing him with Elena knowing I don't have a chance on him but he approached me and asked me not to avoid him again. Silly of him not to realize the reason why. Therefore, I decided to give it another chance... What can I do? Your Master was the spice that adds joy to the dish of my life, a drug that made me want to crave for more and simply my happiness. Love? Oh, I think I do! I wouldn't hurt so much If I didn't love him. I may be too young to even say this early but I know my feelings right, it was indeed love and not just a typical infatuation that soon I will outgrow...
Honestly, I'm afraid of this decision I made. He invited me to the camping that will be held by the Science Club and I said yes. This is probably risking my feelings and heart again for a chance hoping to win his heart and it worries me for the bad consequences that might befall me. Beyond this happiness I felt toward what's happening between Thyago and me, I can't seem to feel worried and nervous. I just hope I won't regret it in the end...
~ Miss Pretty
She remembered the time when he confronted her on her avoidance. This is the time she was coping and standing for her decision to avoid him although she still thinks about him. She was really intending to forget her feelings about him no matter how hard it is but he suddenly talked to her and gave her hopes again. He even invited her to the camping and that's the time her feeling for him went deeper. It was all his fault but she was stupidest for letting herself fall deeper.
Dearest Miss Pretty;
Us avoiding each other sucks like hell! How many times I waited and hope that you'll soon talk to me but you never did. So I talked and made up with you by driving you home after school. I knew then you had made your decision to not ride my car but thanks to Mackie's help you had no choice but to ride with me. I know you're still sulking over me that time but thanked God we made up and you forgave me. Yes, I asked you to come to the Science Club Camping and I'm so glad that I convinced you. The truth is I never invited Elena to that camping, I want nothing but you to accompany me to that event.
And now reading this part of your diary saying you think you are falling in love with me made me feel like I'm on cloud nine now. I'm so sorry for hurting you, Miss Pretty. I missed you so much, please come back now...
~ The Master
Did she just read it right? He was happy when he read her confession that she might be falling in love with him? She tried rereading it and it made her smile when she confirmed it. She then felt tears start to stream her face as she move the note to the next page.
Dear Thyago's Notes:
Camping Day One is educational, enjoying and really amazing and that is because your Master is with me too. He helped us in building our tent, he's really kind and very helpful, you know...
Another thing, I didn't know your Master posses such a beautiful voice and damn! He knows how to play the guitar! I was stunned and mesmerized the moment he sang the intro. He can serenade me all night long and I won't get tired listening to his wonderful voice. I just can't take my eyes off him while he sings. Just can't help falling hard with him more. He was really amazing...
Before that, we actually had a serious talk. He confided in me his insecurities and weaknesses. He told me he can trust me for he knew I will never judge him. I'm so glad and flattered he felt that way towards me. I get to discover his flaws and insecurities but it didn't disappoint me nor decrease the attraction I felt for him. As a matter of fact, it even goes deeper and stronger. He may not be perfect, well no one is. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses and I love everything about him. The thing that gratified me the most is when he asked me to be his confidant and best companion. He even made a promise that he'll always be at my side no matter what. That he won't castigate me even if I was unreasonable and wrong. He said he will always choose my side and that's a promise. I was so happy at that moment and it felt so surreal. I will hold on to that promise and hopefully, he won't break it...
~ Miss Pretty
The Camping was the happiest moment she had with Thyago. They got to know each other better and they became more closer to each other but it is also one bitter and painful memory because she remembered he asked her to befriend Elena and even confide how he loves and adores her cousin. His response is what she agitatedly read then.
Dearest Miss Pretty;
I'm so glad you feel that way towards me. Thanks for appreciating my voice by the way...
Yes, I remember I confided my flaws and weaknesses to you. Something tells me that I can trust you, I don't regret telling them all unto you. I asked you to be my confidant and best companion, silly me because I was thinking for the word girlfriend that time actually. I know I promised you to be there at your side even if you're wrong or stubborn, that I won't castigate you even if you're unreasonable and childish. I'm sorry for not being able to fulfill my promise. I broke it and I hurt you in the end. I'm so sorry Miss Pretty, I really am. I know sorry cannot erase all the pain I brought to you. I was hoping I can find where you are so I can make up for what I've done. I'll do everything to earn your forgiveness. I just hope fate will give me a chance to see you immediately...
The Master
It's a good thing he was sorry for not keeping his promise. So he regrets what he has done and wishes to see her to ask for forgiveness somehow touched her heart. She remembers Hannah told her he was asking about her way back in college. Is that the time he was searching for her to ask forgiveness? Honestly, she really holds on to that promise of his. She remembers this is the time she accepted that they can only be friends and she asked nothing more of him after that. He never fulfills his promise because he only listens to one side of the story. He sided with Elena and never listen to her explanation.
Dear Thyago's Notes:
I wish I could give you a sweet and romantic update of your "Master and I" love story but that would be like fooling out of myself If I did so.
Why he's like that? This morning, we were so sweet and happy. I thought we already have this so-called connection but I guess, it's only in my dreams. He finally told me he really likes Elena. That felt like receiving a million stabs right through my chest. It's painful like hell and how I wished I could be numb this very moment. You know the feeling of asking to befriend the person you were jealous of? How much torture do I expect to face? It's like putting salt in an open wound, or maybe worst than that.
I said yes, but that isn't mean I wanna do it. Doesn't he know how your Master hurts me so bad? What the heck is wrong with me! Why can't I say No to him? I'll try to befriend her even if it will mean torturing my precious heart.
A friend, that's just all I can be to him. Guess, I have to accept that reality and wake up on this silly dream. I wish I never agreed to befriend Elena. I don't wanna witness their love story, it will going to be my nightmare. I wish I could run away, but I can't avoid him this time. I was his friend just like he told me and I intend to fulfill that role even if it will hurt me in the process...
Miss Pretty
Reading this somehow made her upset. Imagine how she agreed to befriend Elena for him? She was that martyr for him that time. They were friends and she promised to reconcile with Elena no matter how she hates her cousin. That was the time she accepted that her role will be just his friend and it's true that she never asked for more than that by that time. It's just so bad he chose to believe Elena than her while he claimed it's her he really likes not Elena. Perhaps, he has plans behind it. So she then move to his reply notes and read his part.
Dearest Miss Pretty;
I was a coward and a jerk. That time I told myself to be rational and do what was right. I asked you to befriend Elena and I lied to you that I like her. I want to settle the gaps between you and your cousin but I never thought I will hurt you this bad. I thought sending you away and courting Elena will distract my feelings towards you but it never did. I'm a total jerk, I don't deserve your love.
I'm so sorry I brought you pain that much and I'm so sorry for being stupid to not consider your feelings. I deserve this bitterness and devastation I feel toward missing you. I deserve to be punished...
~The Master
She found herself snorting with swollen eyes by too much crying. How did she never know Thyago feels that way towards her before? Why did he never bother to tell her that story of him when he could have all the chances? She needs an explanation from Thyago, she needs to talk to him.
Suddenly, she gasp in sudden pain when she felt a tinge of pain on her lower back and her abdomen so she touched and caressed her stomach to relieve the pain. Minutes later, the pain has suddenly gone so she started to feel at ease. She then turned her diary into the next and last page of the notebook and read on the last message of Thyago...