Chapter 10 THE EDGE OF CONTROL
"He is right behind us," Alexander said. His voice was very controlled. In the kind of way that took effort.
"I want Jake," I said. I did not mean it unkindly. I just meant it.
Alexander's arms tightened slightly.
"I know," he said.
He carried me all the way to the nurse's bay without putting me down once.
The nurse's bay smelled like antiseptic and syringes.
Alexander set me down on the narrow bed so carefully it almost did not feel like being put down at all.
I winced as my side made contact with the mattress.
"Sorry," he said immediately.
The nurse, a small brisk vampire woman named Mrs Hale who had always looked at me like she was surprised I was still alive, came in, assessed me quickly, gave me something for the pain, wrapped my ribs, cleaned the scrape on my cheek, and told Alexander she would be back in twenty minutes.
Then she left. Just the two of us.
Jake had been stopped at the door.
"Faculty only beyond this point." Mrs Hale had said. He had looked at me through the small window in the door with his brown eyes tight and worried and I had lifted my hand slightly to tell him I was okay.
I was not entirely okay but I lifted my hand anyway.
Now I lay on my back staring at the ceiling while the painkiller slowly started doing something useful.
Alexander sat in the chair beside the bed. He had not spoken since he put me down. I turned my head to look at him.
He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands loosely linked together, his eyes on the floor somewhere between us. His jaw was doing that tight, flexing thing it did when he was feeling something he had decided not to examine.
"You should go," I said. "Jake can wait with me."
"Jake cannot come in," he said without looking up.
"Then I will be fine alone," I said.
"You will not," he said simply.
I looked back at the ceiling. The painkiller was warm and slow moving through my blood. The sharp feel of the pain in my ribs calmed to something duller.
My face still stung where Caitlyn's palm had connected. My scalp still ached from where Renee had grabbed my hair.
"I fought back," I said.
He looked up.
"For a few seconds," I said. "I actually fought back."
Something moved across his face. "I know."
"You saw it?"
"We came around the corner just as you.... collapsed," he said.
I processed this and then rolled my eyes, tiredly. "Was I terrible?"
"No," he said.
"Be honest."
"You lasted longer than most people would have," he said. "Against five vampires." He paused. "That is not nothing."
It was not exactly a compliment but from Alexander it was close enough.
I closed my eyes, smiling weakly.
The ceiling was very white behind my eyelids. The room was very quiet. The painkiller was pulling me somewhere distant and I did not have the energy to fight it.
"Alexander," I said without opening my eyes.
"Mm."
"Did you know they would do something like this?"
A long pause.
"I thought they might," he said quietly. "I should have walked you to your car."
"I do not have a car," I said.
"I know," he said. "I should have walked you to mine. I meant mine."
I opened my eyes.
He was looking at me now. Directly.
"It is not your fault," I said.
He didn't say anything.
"Alexander. It is not your fault."
"Go to sleep Lily," he said.
I looked at him for another moment.
Then the painkiller finished stopped giving me leave and I let my eyes close and the room fell away slowly and gently like a tide going out.
I didn’t dream about anything.
I just such great warmth and the distant feeling of being watched over.
I did not know how long I slept.
It was long enough for the light through the small window to change and long enough for the pain to reduce into something manageable.
And it was long enough for the nurse's bay to go completely silent except for the soft sound of breathing.
Alexander's breathing.
He was still there.
I knew before I opened my eyes. I could feel him. That particular warmth that had started to feel familiar in ways that had me confused and in fight mode.
But.... something was different.
The warmth was closer than it should have been. Much closer.
I became aware of things slowly. The mattress dipping on one side. The faint smell of cedarwood and something warmer underneath it. The feeling of breath, slow and uneven against the side of my neck.
I did not open my eyes yet. I felt his presence hovering over me. Not quite touching but almost touching.
Then I felt the coldness....
His nose. It was brushing the line of my jaw, moving down slow and careful and completely unaware that I was awake.
I nearly gasped with the intense stroke of pleasure that stabbed through me from head to toes.
Alexander's breath came out ragged against my throat.
Then his lips.
OH.... MY.... GOD....
It gave the softest pressure against the curve of my neck. His hands found the mattress on either side of me, pinning me without exactly pinning me, caging me without really closing all doors.
I felt his control scattering bit by bit.
A sound came from him, low and strained. The sound of someone losing a fight that they had been fighting for a long time.
His fangs grazed my skin just slightly. And my whole body went warm.
I was not afraid or alarmed.
I just felt so warm and dizzy with the pleasure of his teasings. The warmth started from somewhere in my chest and moved outward until it reached my toes and fingertips.
I opened my eyes and gave a broken, uncontrollable moan.
Alexander was right there. His face was only an inch from mine. His grey eyes were open and completely blown dark and desperate and horrified at himself in equal measure. His hair had fallen forward. His hands were pressed flat against the mattress on either side of my head.
We stared at each other. He did not move and neither did I.
"Lily...." He suddenly started and this time, his voice was wrecked. "I was not.... I did not mean to.... the blood, I could smell it and I...."
I reached up, not listening and I pulled him down.