36- "I like you, Muse"

36- "I like you, Muse"
Rocío asked me to accompany her to the bathroom; she told me she had a little bit of cocaine. We had talked about that, the topic of drugs and how I felt about it. It was to be expected that she would do a few lines that night. I wondered if the night she met me she had been high, and a feeling of disappointment washed over me. She pulled out her little white bag, showed it to me, and smiled; I returned her smile in complicity, a smile that died before it reached my dull eyes. I didn't have a sad look; I just didn't feel like smiling. It was like waking up from a dream that slips over your collarbone, like the rain, the time, and the drops of water that fall through the window, speaking of us without anyone noticing. Only a few of us stop, listen, and understand.
After Rocío took care of her business, we went to the dance floor. It was one of those nights that are not always remembered. Meiby was at the club with her friends; the entire gay scene of Mérida was there. We were like ants waiting for a lump of sugar to be thrown at us. Waiting for Rocío to stop being sulfur and become sweet in my hands, but I didn’t want to change her completely; I liked her just the way she was, with her wounds and her stumbles, because that was what made her more human—the pain. The music played, people danced, and she looked at me in a way that is impossible to remember now, looking at me as if she could embrace me through her eyes. “You Make Me Feel” by Cobra Starship orbited above the crowd, making them move their bodies in a kind of identical dance. Sometimes I dream that we go back to that night and dance to that song. Girl, I’ve been around the world… looking for you… The music played; we danced like two identical drops of water merging into one with the music. We were each other's mirror. You smiled and slid down my hips; I smiled back at you playfully and slid down yours. I never knew how to tell you what I thought of you other than through dancing. I also had my best moments, and they always had your name. “Where Have You Been” by Rihanna began to play, and Rocío told me she felt sick. Alice looked at the people with disgust, irritated by their bodies rubbing against each other. I told her I would go outside to get some air with Rocío.

I took my romantic lyricist by the hand and we left the club, we went up to the terrace. We sat on the stairs, the cars passed like comets traveling on the highway, the city lights seemed to fall asleep with the music in the background, we could barely hear it now, I think Coldplay had started playing again, the sweet and hypnotizing voice of Chris. Martin sounded like a whisper. The breeze made us sit huddled next to each other.

Are you OK? – He asked him.

Yes, excuse me – Rocío responded, lighting a cigarette – The disco lights gave me a horrible headache, I felt like I was going to go crazy with so much noise.

Oh, I understand – The truth is I didn't understand but I could imagine it.

She squeezed my knee – I looked into her eyes as if she had a whole world inside where she could come and live. Without pain, drugs or lies.

Are you cold? – I ask him with my teeth clearing.

Yes, skinny but with the cigarette it warms my body

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  You can wrap yourself in your hair – He added with a smile, he took my hair and arranged it around my shoulders – What a nice coat – Ro said smiling. I smiled at him, looking down.

I miss my mother, this year I will go see her – He confessed with a trickle of smoke coming out of his mouth.

Will you go to Brussels? – The breeze began to blow strongly, suddenly the stones.

Yes, I haven't seen her in nine years. She left as an immigrant and since then I have missed her a lot – She said with a broken voice. It was the first time I heard her sad voice, and not her attractive and energetic voice - She loves me, she went to work for me, why she loves me and wants to see me graduate. I feel proud of her, that's why I so want my mom to feel proud of me. – Rocío looked at a blind spot in the black sky, there was silence.

You will soon see your mother Ro, and I am sure she will be very proud that you are studying Medicine... and besides, you are super cute and intelligent, what a beautiful daughter she has - I caressed her face - You like to flirt with everyone in the bathroom but you are adorable Same – I added with a tone of sarcasm. I rolled my eyes and she laughed.

Do you know what I like about you? - With you I can be myself.
– He admitted, he said calmly – And one of the problems I had with my ex is that I could never be that way with her. – What should I say to that? There was silence. I didn't agree that she was hurt, the drugs hurt her, but I understood that she needed it to vent. I looked down, blinked, listening to his words like an echo. I felt guilty, I didn't agree with him getting hurt. I like you, Mia, I like that you're here, I like this - I take my chin, looking at myself firmly, as if it were piercing me with a dagger with every word - And when I dance with you it's like it breaks me into pieces inside and I come back together again. unite by feeling your waist and seeing that you are with me. I don't know if I explain myself - She said with a murmur, her finger caressed my lower lip again and again... My heart accelerated with her touch, I continued quietly listening to her - I feel like I really like you. –He looked at me intently. I kissed his cheek as if I were giving him some secret that the rain had told me. I laid my head on his shoulder. Rocío let out a kind of short laugh and, as if drowned in a sigh, she leaned her head on mine.