Ground
Ground
I don’t know how long I slumped in the hallway and cried for.
The world around me remained dull, like a gray painting. The sobs behind the door from across, and the occasional creaking floorboards, were like white noises that left me grounded in the reality of what's happened.
I’d lost count of my tears, of how many times I’d asked why. My palms were damp against my face, my chest tight and raw.
Then suddenly, I felt a soft pat on my shoulder. It was so sudden that I jolted.
I hadn’t heard anyone approach. My heart jumped.
I turned around, and I didn't expect to see him there.
Ciel crouched behind me, his expression unreadable and his gaze calm in the dim light.
Seeing him, I didn’t even give it a rethink and just reached for him, wrapping my arms around him before the pain could swallow me whole again.
He didn’t hesitate. He pulled me close, his warmth steady against my trembling frame, one hand rubbing slow circles along my back.
That simple motion undid me completely.
I cried harder, pressing my face into his chest. He didn’t say anything, he just held me. His embrace firm and silent, like a wall I could lean against without it collapsing.
And for a while, it was enough.
My tears finally slowed after a while. I barely found my voice again, as I felt the need to express myself to him, “Ciel…” My words cracked, faint and unsure. “Am I the problem? Why is it that every time I--”
I swallowed the rest down my throat.
I couldn’t finish. The question hurt more than anything ever could. For it felt like an inevitable truth.
But Ciel only tightened his hold on me, his voice low against my hair as he responded as though knowing just what I feel, "You’re not the problem, Alyssa.”
I wanted to believe that. I really did. But guilt clung to me like a second skin. I felt cursed.
Every person who tried to protect me ended up dead.
Ciel exhaled, his tone darkening. “It’s them."
" It's those bastards who ruin everything for their own gain. Gamma Jerome and his lackeys were the ones behind Michael’s death… and now Icarus’s too. They’re the problem.”
The way he said it. I couldn't help but feel the burn underneath his words. So much that it made something inside me shift. I stopped crying and looked up at him, breaking slightly from his embrace.
I observed his strong yet pristine face that scorned at a distance. He seemed really angry.
Angry for Icarus, and Michael. Angry they had to fall like this in the horrible plot of the wicked villains.
My heart clenched again, this time not from grief but from the cruel truth in his words. I had only been punishing myself for being powerless at the situation and thought I was at fault.
But Ciel was right.
This wasn’t about fate or bad luck. Someone chose to make them suffer death. They're the ones to blame!
Ciel’s jaw tightened, his pale gaze that had been fixed on a distant spot swept to mine, catching me off guard. “I swear to you, I won’t rest until they’re all gone. Michael and Icarus deserve that much.”
I didn’t answer at first. My hands balled into fists at my sides, the air thick with everything I couldn’t say.
I looked in his eyes, lost in their firm resolution. But I hid away from them, cowering as a result of my own doubts.
What was the point of revenge when I couldn’t even protect myself? When I’d already lost everything I had?
I’d been exiled, abandoned, hunted. The only people who’d stood beside me were now gone.
Right now, only defeat sat heavy in my chest. I looked down, the tears threatening to return. “What’s even the point anymore?” I whispered.
Ciel crouched a little to meet my eyes, “Alyssa,” he said softly, “ Listen to me. Michael and Icarus wouldn’t want you to keep tearing yourself apart like this.”
My breath hitched hearing his words. I looked up and caught him smiling faintly, though there was much more sadness in it. “Think about it. Michael would’ve teased you for crying like this. Icarus would’ probably be laughing at you right now and told you to stop being so dramatic.”
Despite myself, I almost smiled. I could hear their voices in my head– the teasing, the gentle warmth. It hurt, but somehow that hurt felt… grounding.
I sniffed, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “You’re right,” I murmured, nodding my head several times. “They’d both scold me for it.”
Ciel nodded. “Then don’t let them down.”
Something inside me steadied then. Not healed yet, not even any close, but still firm like the ground beneath my feet had stopped moving.
“They didn’t deserve what happened,” I said, my voice quieter but sharper now.
“They didn’t,” he agreed.
I looked up at him again. “Then we must make them pay, those bastards!"
His eyes darkened slightly, but not in surprise. “We will,” he said simply, as though it were a given.
I swallowed, the fire in my chest growing with each breath. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when. But I knew I couldn’t stay down anymore.
After a moment, my mind moved to a more pressing matter and I voiced out my concern almost immediately. “Elara…” I whispered. “ I can't even imagine what she's feeling right now. I should’ve stayed with her, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face her like that.”
Ciel sighed hearing this, breaking completely from his hold on me and stood as he said. “Selena’s with her. For now, that’s probably for the best. Elara needs time.”
I nodded slowly, guilt flooding me again, though softer this time. But what followed was more grief sources from a thought, “And Zias…” I whispered. “He won’t ever see Icarus again.”
Ciel didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. The silence said enough.
I pushed off the wall and straightened. “I’ll go see them,” I said quietly. “I owe Elara that much.”
But before I could take a step, Ciel caught my wrist. His grip wasn’t harsh, but just firm enough to stop me.
“Alyssa, wait.” he called as he pulled me back.
I turned to him, confused as to why he stopped me. “What is it?” I was worried something hadn't happened to Elara.
He hesitated for a second, his expression unreadable again, though something flickered behind his eyes, something heavy.
“Not yet,” he said finally. “Just… not right now.”
I blinked, taken aback by the tension in his voice. “Why?” I became even more concerned.
Ciel looked past me toward the closed door, the faint sounds of muffled sobbing still echoing from behind it. “Because Elara is hurt right now, and you don't want to add salt to her wounds."