Mixed emotions
Mixed emotions
"What's -"
"Sorry, Luna. I gotta go check on my family." Just as I opened my mouth to question him, he suddenly said in an excuse, brushing past me before I could even blink. His shoulder clipped mine as he rushed down the hall, and his footsteps faded faster than I could recollect myself.
I stood frozen, staring after him. My chest prickled uneasily.
That wasn't the Icarus I knew.
He’d always been gentle, steady, and most of all, calm if not well-organized. The way he looked at me just now, and how he'd rushed off… it was as though I’d catch him in a lie if he stayed any longer.
But... I had to bite down on the suspicion. With everything happening, maybe it was just his nerves getting to him.
Maybe he was truly worried after everything that's been going on. After all, who wouldn't? That man has a whole family he had to look out for. It was quite reasonable that he'd be on edge.
But for some reason, I couldn't help but feel like Icarus was... Purposely ignoring me?
Amidst my thoughts, I caught from the corner of my eyes that Selena sat hunched on her bed, her hair tangled, her eyes rimmed red.
She looked broken.
And yet, when her gaze lifted to me, it sharpened like glass shards.
I was stunned and didn't know what to do for a moment. I gasped, shortly, and blinked several times. My lips parted; I wanted to speak but couldn't find words.
“Selena…” I began softly, stepping closer. “I-I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know what Michael meant to you. I can’t imagine--”
“Stop.” Her voice cracked like a whip. She turned her face away, her whole body rigid. “Just leave, Alyssa.”
My chest tightened, I was left in silence for a bit. I don't know why but I felt the need to just... Say something.
“I didn’t mean--”
“I said leave!” Her voice rose, heavy with pain. “I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want your words. I don’t want you!"
The words sliced deeper than I expected. I opened my mouth to protest, to explain, but the devastation in her expression silenced me.
I had never felt so worthless, and depraved of a self.
But I knew I couldn’t force her to share the grief with me.
I backed away from the door, my throat heavy. “Alright. I’ll go.” I managed to whisper, my throat already croaking.
She didn’t answer. She just stared at the floor, as though whatever I did didn't matter.
I stepped into the hallway, guilt pressing into me from all sides. It felt as though everything I touched crumbled.
Michael, Icarus, Selena, the pack; one by one, all slipping through my fingers.
Ciel!
He was the only one who came to mind.
I wanted to find him. I felt the need to.
To at least ground myself in the certainty that I wasn't allowed alone. I roamed with hastened steps to his room, my face burned from the emotions rising in my heart.
When I reached his room, the door was already ajar. Baffled, I peeked in first, and froze at the sight inside.
Jan was there, standing far too close to him, her hand lingered on his arm as she spoke in that saccharine-sweet voice.
She was clinging to him like he was hers to claim, and though his expression was stone, he wasn’t moving away either.
I almost turned and left. The last thing I wanted was to intrude. But then, Ciel’s eyes lifted and landed on me.
Something in my expression must have betrayed my turmoil, because his brows twitched, sharp with intention.
“Alyssa,” he said suddenly, his voice firm. “Just in time, come on in.” he beckoned.
However, I stayed put in place and only looked towards Jan. I saw her empathetic expression from just now turn into a sour frown , visibly thrown. “ And why is that?”
“ We have something important to discuss" Ciel replied coolly, already shifting toward me. His hand reached out, brushing my shoulder as he dragged me into his room, a gesture casual enough to look natural but deliberate enough to dismiss Jan. “It’s high time Alyssa and I spoke about… matters that can’t wait. If you don't mind excusing us?” he gestures at the door towards Jan.
Jan’s lips parted in protest, but he didn’t give her the chance. His attention was already on me, his body angled toward mine as though no one else in the room mattered.
Visibly pissed, Jan shot me a mean glance. Her fist clenched beside her, tighter than her jaws. But then, she looked back at Ciel, knowing he wouldn't allow her to do whatever she has in mind towards me at the moment.
She humphed a scoff and stormed out. Her heels clattered angrily against the wooden floor, each step sharp as a slap until she was finally gone.
And for the first time all morning, I breathed a little easier.