Our Jealousy

Walking to where the event is being held, Kellan walks further away from me. I stare at him, confused.

"Ahm." Turning, I look at Darius. "Don't, ignore your feelings, focus on the event. We need to welcome people, explain what the plan is and such." I nod, and we walk towards William. Darius seems to be keeping space between us.

I listen to him welcoming everyone, and then I explain how the event will work. While talking about it keeps me focused, everything is building inside of me.

I announce the categories and explain how winners will get trophies and such. Darius then steps in and announces the three top ones will be given paid scholarships from him.

He hadn't told me about that prior to this. We walk around briefly before he guides me to sit down. I'm sitting at the opposite side of the table to Kellan, between us on each side is Beta Yori and Ash.

Anyone would think he's scared of me. I laugh slightly and turn my chair to watch the events. Sage is sitting with her family. It's nice to see they are here. I keep looking between Kellan and Darius, all Kellan does is shake his head and mouth focus, I'm done with focus.

Sighing, I glance around and see Darius with Lyra, my wolf growls and I hear Kellan chuckle, turning I glare at him. My eyes go back to looking around while avoiding Darius.

Yet, for some reason I'm jealous, I never was before but now I am. Each event so far, he spent all the time with whoever's event it was. So why not me? I sit glaring at him as he stays with Lyra, my heart quickening.

I watch as he laughs with her. My wolf growling mine.

"Focus!" I jump and see Kellan stop in front of me. "Exactly, you were that caught up with your wolf and emotions you didn't hear me say your name twice!"

My eyes try and see around him, he's still with her, I can sense it.

"Tell him to move away from the issue." Kellan looks towards someone. "Elara, look at me." My head raises, and my heart quickens. "This event was a bad idea. You need time to get used to things. Your wolf is controlling your emotions. One minute you're looking like you're about to jump me, then you're calm, then your wolf is growling mine, then you're angry and now fuck knows, focus."

He's right. I never cared before about Darius being with Lyra all day, so why now?

"Swap for a bit." I hear Darius.

"Are you sure that's a wise choice?" Kellan laughs.

"I will stay back, don't worry. She had no issues seeing you with others, so make your rounds." Darius speaks and I watch Kellan leave, but my wolf feels defeated. I'm not used to any of this.

Darius sits and looks at me. "Maze was suggesting that when they removed your wolf, there's a chance it was clinging to your emotions and pulled some of it from you. Hence, you never got angry, jealous or such."

Maybe he's right? Is that possible, though? Sure, I feel hurt and upset but rarely did I have any other feelings. Now? Even my mind is confused by the difference. There must be something wrong with me. Surely there is for them to be able to take part of me, not my wolf?

"Elara." I glance up seeing Darius' face in mine. His hand grips my chin. "You were panicking. Calm down. Stay out of your head; being in it won't help. Focus on your heart, but keep your mind fixed on something here."

"I'm trying." I'm failing, one second I'm fine, the next I'm jealous, then I'm angry, my brain can't keep up with everything.

"Okay, so let's try something different. Can you remember the conversation we had about my mother? How this is the sort of event she would do?" I nod, feeling confused by his words. "Your choice in the event has made even the people with nothing feel welcomed."

"I don't understand?" I don't. What is he talking about?

"Do you not? Think about what I said, look around at this event and really consider things." What things? I glance around, trying to see what he means. Turning, I looked back at him confused. He smiles and nods. Wait, he's distracting me. I laugh slightly. His words weren't meant to make sense.

They were meant to confuse me to make me focus on something that wasn't my feelings. The same feelings that seem to have me going from one extreme to another. The feeling that now is need, for him. He's so close, his eyes fixed on mine before they drop to my lips. I hear his wolf, and he jumps back.

"This isn't working. I'm getting Kellan, he's better at it than me. I shall, I don't know." I watch him rush away and hear Yori laughing. Turning, I look at him.

"Sorry, but everyone warned them, and they thought it would be fine. You realise it's only been forty-five minutes, there's like three hours left."

He's right. I need to focus before this gets cancelled, and I destroy it for the kids. Sadness sweeps through me. "Don't cry, all he did was run." I laugh hearing Kellan. "I brought someone for you, she knows." I watch as Sage sits with me, her arms wrapping around me.

"So you have your wolf." I nod, and she sits talking to me, asking me questions about it. She asks me questions about how we found my wolf. How we got it back. Everything. She somehow managed to keep my mind focused through the rest of the event. Where Kellan and Darius being here just made my wolf obsessed with them, Sage has calmed me down. Grounded me.

I've seen Kellan and Darius, but mostly, they have spent the time with the Betas, who are looking over the children. Darius is now looking at me and nodding.

I know that means I have to stand with him and announce who won each part, and the overall winners. I'm not sure I can focus for long enough, though.

"Have your hands behind your back." I look at Sage. "With them behind your back, rub your thumb and finger together. Concentrate on that. Your mind right now can't concentrate on more than one thing at once, so focus on that."

I nod at her and walk to where Darius is. He stays still with his eyes fixed forward. I don't blame him. I do as Sage said, and my mind focuses on the feeling of my fingers rubbing together. It actually helps to start with.

As we're nearing the end it begins to stop working. So, I begin to gently squeeze the tips of my fingers, which helps me regain focus as we say goodbye to people.