Chapter 180 Lilian Baker

Chapter 180 Lilian Baker
By the time we arrived home, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. It felt like Andrew was intentionally draining my emotions.

I opened the door before he had completely stopped the car.

"Thank you for the ride," I said with a cold tone.

I was certain he knew I didn't mean it.

He looked at me.

"Lily..."

I stopped and turned.

He just stared at me as if his eyes were supposed to say the things his mouth couldn't say. Or was I supposed to understand his thoughts and gaze without hearing a word from him?

"I have to go," I said.

He didn't respond and I didn't wait for him to respond.

I shut the door.

As I walked inside their house, the house was too quiet. At one point, I thought no one was inside the building.

But I kept going.

As I headed toward Lewis's room, I expected to hear music, maybe laughter, maybe Lewis calling my name because I'd taken too long.

Instead, the room was also quiet and dim. It was slightly lit by the rays coming from the television.

I stepped fully into the room and saw that the television was still on and the movie was still playing. The snacks we'd planned were arranged on the table, untouched.

And Lewis was asleep.

I stopped at the center of the room and for a moment, I simply stood there.

"Lewis," I whispered.

He didn't move.

I walked closer.

He was sleeping peacefully, completely unaware that I had abandoned our plans.

I looked at the table filled with snacks and everything we'd talked about was there.

Popcorn.

Drinks.

Pizza.

Candies.

Everything was there and none of it had been touched.

I felt terrible.

So terrible that my legs couldn't bear the weight of my body.

I sat on the edge of the couch. The movie continued playing in the background. I stared at the screen without really watching it. And I wondered why my life had become so complicated.

How did I end up like this?

How did I get myself in a situation like this?

Not long ago, I thought my biggest problem was having a best friend that was never a best friend. Then there was the blog that kept posting lies about me. Then Nate and his mother came along.

But getting involved with the entire Walker family had become a greater problem for me.

First, it was Lewis.

Then Andrew.

Then Derek.

Then Susan.

Now I was somehow caught in the middle of their secrets and the feelings I never asked for.

I rubbed my forehead and whispered, “how did I get here?"

My voice came back without answers.

"What am I even doing?" I asked myself again.

Lewis shifted slightly in his sleep.

I looked at him.

I looked at the adorable person in front of me. He was genuinely good to me. He made me laugh. He listened when I was talking. He didn't make everything complicated.

But even our fake relationship had started becoming complicated.

People believed it.

Lewis was beginning to enjoy it more than before. I was beginning to enjoy spending time with him. And now, I felt guilty for making him wait until he slept off.

Then there was Andrew.

I couldn't even understand myself when it came to him.

He was frustrating, confusing, impossible, annoying and somehow, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I looked at the television again. The characters were talking, but I couldn't hear them because my mind was somewhere else.

I thought about the conversation at Sabrina's house.

I like you.

Those words still had power over me. Those words were the particular thing making me confused.

Then I remembered what came afterward. All the reasons we couldn't be together.

The consequences, the rules, and the warnings.

Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe some things were better left alone. But if that was true, why did he keep finding reasons to come back?

Why had he taken me out tonight? Why had he looked at me like that? Why couldn't he simply leave me alone? Why didn't he say anything?

I sighed as I leaned back against the couch.

For the first time that night, I stopped trying to figure out what everyone else wanted from me. I thought about what I wanted for myself.

And unfortunately, that was even harder for me because I wasn't sure anymore.

I looked at Lewis sleeping beside me, then I looked toward the door, then back at the television.

My fake boyfriend was asleep beside untouched snacks. The boy I actually had feelings for had just driven me around without an explanation. My mother was hiding something with a married man that shouldn't be trusted.

Susan knew things but she pretended not to know those things. And somehow, I was expected to wake up tomorrow and pretend everything was normal.

I laughed quietly.

My life was officially a mess.

I reached for a piece of popcorn, then I stopped.

I looked at Lewis again.

Maybe I should wake him. Maybe I should apologize. Maybe I should tell him what happened.

But I couldn't.

Not tonight.

Instead, I sat there quietly and watched the movie nobody was watching.

For once, I didn't have an answer. I didn't have a plan. I didn't even know what tomorrow would bring.

All I knew was that somewhere between fake dating Lewis and falling for Andrew, I had lost track of where pretending ended and my real feelings began.

And that scared me more than anything else.

Finally, Lewis stirred awake beside me.

Somehow, my stomach twisted as I met his sleepy eyes.

“You're back?" he asked with a sleepy voice.

He didn't even sound pissed that I left him waiting.

“Yeah," I whispered, feeling a little awkward.

Should I just explain why I didn't make it to his room on time?

Before I could continue, he spoke, “I went to your house but no one was at home. I figured your mom forced you to go out with her."

Oh my God.

He thought I went out with Martha.

Should I just stick to that story?

Was the universe trying to help me?

Maybe this was a way of making things less complicated.

How was I supposed to explain that I left him waiting because his brother took me to a place I didn't know and said nothing to me?

“I'm sorry for making you wait," I finally said. “I should have called you."

“You don't have to apologize," he said. “You can't say no to your mother."

The more he kept mentioning my mother, the more guilt tripped me. So I quickly changed the topic.

“So should we watch our movie?" I asked.

He looked at the television, then he looked back at me with his sleepy eyes.

“Nah. Let's do it another time."

I was disappointed.

I didn't know why but I was.

“Are you mad at me?"

I didn't know when the question came out of my mouth.

Instead of simply answering, he pulled me closer to him.

“We have school tomorrow," he whispered. “Let's get enough sleep."

That was all I needed at that point.