Bride?

An unbearable silence settled in the environment. The girl still laughed at me as if she liked the situation I was in. Time seemed to have stopped for me and I was not able to process information right. Bride? Philip had a bride? So that was the complication? Was that the reason for everything?

I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to beat Philip, I wanted to hurt him and I wanted to disappear. But the only thing I could do was cry. I went to one of the trails and sat between some bushes and cried.

I cried out of anger at that stupid girl, cried for Philip to use me and cried for allowing this to happen again. My soul seemed to have torn in half and blood was pouring out in a worrying abundance.

I hated myself for feeling that again, so I, who had promised to take care of myself and protect myself. I had thrown the gasoline and much worse, had lit the match.

"Leah!" I heard Philip cry away.

I cowered, hugging my legs and hiding. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want anyone to see the pain that was expressed in my eyes.

"Lia!" Filipe screams again and now I know he is very close to me.

I remain shrunken, motionless and in deep silence. I am able to feel when Philip stands beside me and refuse to look at him. I knew that if I looked at him it would be much worse for me, the pain would increase even more. In my head, Philip was not able to see my pain there.

"Lia..." Her voice sounds softer now and with a guilty tone.

"Get out of here". Unlike him I screamed and was harsh.

"I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t imagine..."

"Couldn’t imagine what?" I ask turning, standing and staring. " You figured I wouldn’t find out and you could play with me some more?" I do not cry, quite the contrary, my words sound like a stone. " You lied to me, you used me as if I was an unfeeling object, you hurt my heart by giving me false hope, and on top of that, you came after me saying you didn’t mean to? What did you expect to happen Filipe? Tell me, please, tell me something that makes sense". I ask cleaning a few tears that had descended.

We stared and our connection was different. The connection seemed something more to the wind than straight and mesmerizing. Our connection or chemistry, any of the words, was broken. It still existed, it was obvious, things too intense take time to leave or never leave.

But our intensity broke, Philip even broke. And I had to watch the shrapnel coming to me, piercing my soul.

"I didn’t mean to hurt you". Philip speaks and his voice comes out in a whisper.

"Didn’t you mean it?" I ask slowly and laughing.

I laughed a lot, because that phrase had been the most absurd thing I had ever heard. Philip gets involved with me being engaged, deludes me with words and gestures, but in the end it was not his intention to hurt me? It was something funny and ironic.

"If you’ll allow me I can..." Philip was shriveled down.

"What?" I ask ironically. " Will you invite me to your wedding? Or better yet, will you call me to be godmother?" I question it with laughter and irony.

But I seemed to laugh and began to realize how wretched that situation was. How could I not see?

"I’ll tell you what we’re going to do". I speak calling your attention to me. " We’ll pretend that none of this happened. We will treat each other with cordial greetings, but we will no longer talk or breathe in the same environment. Let’s not ruin my friend’s wedding, so try to be ashamed and do the least you have to do, which is to be ashamed and never look in my face again".

I speak and leave. Philip had his shoulders fallen and looked at the ground, no word was said. I hope your silence has a positive side to everything I told you to do. I went to the nearest bathroom and looked at myself. My makeup was slightly smeared and I allowed a few more tears to come out.

I wanted to explode there, where no one would see. I wanted to show my feelings only to those who would not use them against me later, in this case, me. I fully trusted myself. Luckily that hotel was very nice and there were several makeup kits.

I trusted to use the product since it was all sealed. I passed base and contour, to disguise that face of deceased. The makeup was not strong, in fact, I left everything as natural as possible. I applied blush and lipstick and left there, returning to the party.

Everyone looked at me and began to whisper, I just ignored them and walked to Dia. I didn’t have to meet her, since she came running to meet me.

"I kept looking for you Lia and I was distressed when I could not find you, I was afraid something had happened". Vídia speaks with concern in her eyes.

"I’m fine Vi". I force a smile.

"If they told me that men had managed to land on Mars I would believe more in that, than in you". Speaks and takes a small smile. " What did Philip do? I didn’t quite understand, but you were fighting?" he asks confused.

I stare at her strangely, since Filipe and I stayed a few times in front of her and I am surprised that I didn’t notice anything.

"We fought, but it was for a nonsense". I lie, knowing that it would be better if I did not know.

"This must be Bianca’s fault, she spent a few days in Italy to make the dress and Filipe must be climbing the walls".

"Bianca?" I ask in shock and I come to tremble.

"Yeah, Bianca". She replies laughing at my reaction. " My sister is investing heavily in it and has even gone out to get engaged, but I don’t know if it’s true. But you know Bianca, she never takes no for an answer". She speaks normal dancing slowly to the rhythm of the music she played.

"Yes, I know". I speak in whisper talking to myself.