Chapter 35 THE BREAKTHROUGH
Elias
The email came on a Tuesday morning while Elias was making coffee.
His phone buzzed. He almost didn’t check it. Rejections always came in the morning, like the universe wanted to ruin his whole day efficiently.
But something made him look.
Subject: Interview Request - Editorial Assistant Position
Elias read it three times. Then a fourth. His hands started shaking so badly that he had to set down his mug.
The literary magazine downtown. Small publication. He’d applied two weeks ago and assumed they’d ghosted him like everyone else.
But they wanted an interview. Thursday at 2 PM.
“Alex,” Elias said. His voice came out strangled.
Alex appeared from the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth. Hair wet from the shower. He was staying over more nights than not now. Half his clothes lived in Elias’s dresser.
“Wha?” Alex mumbled around the toothbrush.
“I got an interview.”
Alex’s eyes went wide. He disappeared back into the bathroom. Elias heard water running, spitting. Then Alex was back, grinning so hard his whole face changed.
“Really? Where?”
“Literary magazine. It’s not much. Editorial assistant. Probably doesn’t pay well. But it’s something.”
“It’s nothing. It’s amazing.” Alex threw his arms around him. Still damp from the shower. Smelling like Elias’s soap. “I’m so proud of you.”
Elias held on tight. Let himself feel the hope. Just for a moment.
“Don’t get excited yet. It’s just an interview.”
“So? That’s further than you’ve gotten with anyone else.”
True. Every other application had been an immediate no or silence. This was progress.
“Thursday at 2,” Elias said. “I need to prepare. Figure out what to wear. Practice answers.”
“We’ll practice together. Right now, let’s celebrate.”
“It’s 7 AM.”
“So? Celebration pancakes. Come on.”
They made pancakes in Elias’s tiny kitchen. Alex did most of the actual cooking while Elias read the email seventeen more times, making sure it was real.
“Stop spiraling,” Alex said, flipping a pancake. “You got this.”
“What if I mess it up?”
“You won’t.”
“What if they ask about why I turned down the grad program? What do I say?”
“The truth. That you wanted to stay local. Build connections here.”
“What if they’ve heard the rumors? About us?”
Alex’s hand paused mid-flip. “Would that matter?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.” Elias ran his hands through his hair. “God, what if that’s why no one else has called? What if word got around about the TA dating an undergrad?”
“Elias. Stop. You don’t know that.”
“But it’s possible.”
“Anything’s possible. But you can’t control what people think. You can only control how you present yourself.”
Alex was right. Elias knew he was right. But fear was louder than logic.
They ate pancakes on the couch. Alex is scrolling through interview tips on his phone. Reading them out loud while Elias tried to absorb anything.
“Tell me about a time you overcame a challenge,” Alex read.
“I fell in love with someone I wasn’t supposed to and stayed anyway even though it’s probably ruining my career.”
“Elias.”
“Too honest?”
“Way too honest.” Alex set down his phone. “Seriously though. What’s your biggest concern about this interview?”
“That I’ll say the wrong thing. That they’ll see through me and realize I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Everyone feels like that.”
“Do they?”
“Yeah. It’s called imposter syndrome. You’re qualified. You have a master’s degree. You’ve been a TA for two years. You know literature.”
“Knowing literature and working for a magazine are different things.”
“Then tell them you’re eager to learn. That you’re adaptable. That you care about storytelling.”
Elias looked at him. At this boy who’d been invisible for months and was now the most solid thing in his life.
“How are you so good at this?” Elias asked.
“At what?”
“At making me believe in myself.”
Alex’s face went pink. “I’m not doing anything. I’m just telling you what I see.”
“Which is?”
“Someone smart and capable and overthinking everything.” Alex moved closer. Took his hand. “You’re going to be amazing. I know it.”
They spent the rest of the morning practicing. Alex asked questions from a list he found online. Elias stumbled through answers, getting better with each attempt.
By noon, Elias felt almost ready. Almost confident.
“One more thing,” Alex said. “What are you going to wear?”
Elias looked at his closet. “I have no idea.”
“Show me your options.”
They went through every shirt, every pair of pants. Alex vetoed the grey sweater. Too casual. The blue button-down with the coffee stain. Obviously. The black shirt. Too formal.
“This one.” Alex pulled out a dark green shirt Elias had forgotten about. “It makes your eyes look good.”
“My eyes?”
“Yeah. More blue. It’s nice.”
Elias tried it on. Alex was right. The color did something to his face. Made him look more put together.
“Okay. This one. With the dark jeans.”
“Not too casual?”
“It’s a literary magazine, not a law firm. You want to look professional but creative.”
“How do you know this?”
“Des. He’s been coaching me on appearance stuff for years.”
They hung the outfit on the closet door. Ready for Thursday. Elias stared at it like it held his entire future.
“Stop staring,” Alex said. “Come here.”
Elias turned. Alex pulled him down onto the bed. Kissed him slow and sweet.
“You’re going to do great,” Alex whispered against his mouth.
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true.”
They stayed in bed for the rest of the afternoon. Just holding each other. Alex was reading for class while Elias pretended to grade papers but mostly just watched him.
This. This was worth staying for.
Even if the interview went badly. Even if he didn’t get the job. Even if everything fell apart.
Alex was worth it.
Thursday came too fast and too slow. Elias barely slept Wednesday night. Kept running through answers in his head. Imagining every way it could go wrong.
Alex stayed over. Woke him up with coffee and a pep talk.
“You’re prepared. You look good. You’re going to kill this.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Then you try again. But you’re not going to fail. I know you.”
The literary magazine was in a converted warehouse downtown. Exposed brick and high ceilings. Desks everywhere. People working on laptops with intense focus.
Elias checked in at reception. His palms were sweating. His heart was trying to break through his ribs.
The editor who interviewed him was younger than expected. Maybe thirty. Nose ring. Tattoos visible under rolled-up sleeves.
“Elias Reed?” they said. “I’m Jordan. Thanks for coming in.”
They shook hands. Jordan’s grip was firm. Confident.
The interview lasted forty-five minutes. Jordan asked about his thesis. His favorite authors. Why he wanted to work in publishing.
Elias tried to channel Alex’s confidence. Tried to remember that he was qualified. That he belonged here.
“Why did you turn down the grad program?” Jordan asked.
There it was. The question Elias had been dreading.
“I wanted to build something local,” Elias said. “I’ve spent four years here. I have connections. I know the community. Starting over somewhere else felt wrong.”
“That’s it? Nothing else keeping you here?”
Elias’s throat went dry. Did they know? Had they heard the rumors?
“I’m in a relationship,” Elias said carefully. “That was part of the consideration. But not the only part.”
Jordan nodded. Made a note. Elias couldn’t read their expression.
“We’ll be in touch by Monday,” Jordan said. “Thanks for coming in.”
That was it. No indication if it went well or badly. Just a handshake and a promise to call.
Elias walked back to his car in a daze. Sat there for ten minutes before he could drive.
His phone buzzed.
Alex: How did it go???
Elias: I don’t know. I think okay? Maybe? I have no idea.
Alex: I’m sure you did great
Elias: They asked about the grad program
Alex: What did you say?
Elias: The truth. I wanted to stay local. And that you were part of it.
Alex: Oh
Alex: Was that bad?
Elias: I don’t know
Alex: Come over when you’re done. We’ll talk about it.
But Elias didn’t go to Alex’s dorm. He went home. Lay on his bed. Stared at the ceiling.
Replayed every word. Every pause. Every expression on Jordan’s face.
Monday felt impossibly far away.
Four days of not knowing.
Four days of hope and fear fighting in his chest.
His phone rang. His sister.
“How was it?”
“I have no idea.”
“That’s better than terrible.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. Now stop overthinking. Go see your boyfriend. Celebrate that you made it through.”
Elias went to campus. Found Alex in the library. Third floor. Their spot.
Alex looked up when he sat down. Searched his face.
“Hey,” Alex said softly.
“Hey.”
“Talk to me.”
So Elias did. Told him everything. Every question. Every answer. The fear that admitting Alex was part of his decision had ruined everything.
“It didn’t ruin anything,” Alex said. “It was honest.”
“Honest might not have been smart.”
“Honest is always better than smart.”
They sat there until the library closed. Holding hands across the table. Not talking. Just being.
And Elias thought maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.