Chapter 33 GOING PUBLIC
Elias
Monday morning started with a text from Professor Hartley.
Hartley: My office. 9 AM. We need to talk.
Elias stared at his phone. Alex was still asleep next to him, face peaceful in the early light. They’d spent the night together for the third time in four days. It was starting to feel normal. Natural.
He didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to face whatever Hartley needed to say.
But at 8:30, he carefully extracted himself from Alex’s grip and got ready. Left a note on the pillow.
Had to go to campus early. Coffee’s in the pot. I love you. - E
The drive to campus felt longer than usual. His stomach twisted with anxiety. Hartley’s text had been professional but firm. Not angry. Not friendly either.
Her office smelled like old books and lavender. She was already there, grading papers with a red pen that looked aggressive.
“Sit,” she said without looking up.
Elias sat.
“I heard you turned down the program,” Hartley said.
“Yes.”
“Because of Alex.”
It wasn’t a question. Elias’s jaw tightened. “Partly. But also because I want to stay here. Build something local.”
“The rumor mill is having a field day.” Hartley finally looked up. “You’re aware of that?”
“I assumed.”
“Students are talking. Other TAs are talking. The department is… concerned.”
Elias’s chest went cold. “About what? I’m not his TA. He’s not in any of my sections. We’re not breaking any rules.”
“You’re not. But perception matters.” She set down her pen. “I’m not saying this to judge. I’m saying it because you need to be smart. Your contract ends in May. References matter for job applications.”
“So what are you suggesting? That I hide him? Pretend we’re not together?”
“I’m suggesting you be careful. Don’t give anyone ammunition to use against you.”
“We’re not doing anything wrong.”
“I know that. But you’re a TA dating an undergrad. Even if it’s technically allowed, it looks bad. Especially now that you’ve turned down a major opportunity. People will say you threw away your future for a relationship.”
“Let them say it. It’s my choice.”
Hartley sighed. “You’re not hearing me. I’m trying to help you. The real world doesn’t care about love. It cares about optics and professionalism.”
“Then maybe the real world needs to change.”
“Maybe. But it hasn’t yet. And you need a job in two months.”
They sat in tense silence. Elias knew she was right. Knew this would make things harder. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“I appreciate the concern,” Elias said finally. “But I’m not hiding Alex. We’re together. People can deal with it.”
“Your funeral.” But she said it gently. “For what it’s worth, I hope it works out. Just be smart about it.”
After the meeting, Elias sat in his car and called his sister.
“You’re panicking,” she said immediately.
“Hartley basically said I’m screwing up my career.”
“Are you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But I don’t regret it.”
“Then stop second-guessing. You made your choice. Own it.”
“What if she’s right? What if no one will hire me because of this?”
“Then you find something else. You’re smart. You’re capable. You’ll figure it out.”
“I gave up grad school for a guy I’ve been dating for two months.”
“No. You gave up grad school because you wanted to stay. Alex is part of that. But he’s not the whole reason.”
Was that true? Elias wasn’t sure anymore.
He drove back to his apartment. Alex was awake, sitting at the desk in Elias’s shirt and his own boxers, working on his laptop.
“Morning,” Alex said. “How was Hartley?”
“Fine. She’s concerned about optics.”
“Of us?”
“Yeah.”
Alex’s face fell. “Do you want to be more careful? We can be less obvious on campus.”
“No. I meant what I said. I’m done hiding.”
“But if it affects your job search…”
“Then it affects it. I’ll deal with it.” Elias sat on the bed. “Come here.”
Alex crossed the room. Climbed onto Elias’s lap. Wrapped his arms around his neck.
“I don’t want to make your life harder,” Alex said.
“You’re not. The world is making it harder. That’s different.”
They sat like that for a while. Alex’s heartbeat steadied against Elias’s chest. The apartment was quiet around them.
“I have class at eleven,” Alex said.
“I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
On campus, they walked across the quad holding hands. Students definitely stared. Elias felt their eyes like a physical weight. Heard the whispers that followed them.
Alex’s hand tightened in his.
“You okay?” Elias asked.
“People are staring.”
“Let them.”
“Easier said than done.”
At the literature building, they stopped. Alex had class inside. Elias needed to go grade papers in the TA office.
“I’ll see you after?” Alex asked.
“Text me when you’re done.”
Alex hesitated. Then stood on his toes and kissed him. Quick but public. Right there where anyone could see.
When he pulled back, his face was bright red. But he was smiling.
“Okay. That’s done. We’re officially out.”
“Officially,” Elias agreed.
Alex went to class. Elias watched him go. Then turned and nearly walked into two TAs from his department.
“Elias,” one of them said. Rachel, she did medieval lit. “We heard you’re staying.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s… a choice.” Her tone said it wasn’t a compliment.
“It is. Thanks for your concern.”
He walked past them before they could say more. His jaw was tight. His hands were fists.
In the TA office, he tried to focus on grading. But his mind kept wandering. To Hartley’s warning. To the stares. To the way Alex’s hand had shaken when they walked across campus.
His phone buzzed.
Alex: Everyone’s talking about us
Elias: I know
Alex: I heard two girls in my class say you must be having a midlife crisis
Elias: I’m 23
Alex: That’s what I said
Alex: Are you okay?
Elias: Yeah. You?
Alex: Nervous but okay
Alex: I love you
Elias: I love you too
At lunch, Elias met Professor Hartley in the faculty lounge. She handed him coffee without a word.
“So,” she said. “You’re really doing this.”
“I am.”
“The whole department knows now.”
“Good. Saves me from having to tell them.”
“You’re being flippant.”
“I’m being honest.”
Hartley studied him over her coffee. “You know what? I respect it. It’s stupid and probably going to bite you, but I respect it.”
“Thanks. I think.”
“Just be prepared. This won’t be easy.”
“I know.”
That evening, Elias picked Alex up from his last class. They got dinner off campus. Somewhere quiet where students didn’t go.
“How bad was it?” Elias asked.
“People stared a lot. Someone asked if I was dating you. I said yes.”
“What did they say?”
“That they didn’t know you were gay. I said you’re bi. They said ‘oh that makes sense.’” Alex picked at his food. “Like my sexuality explains everything.”
“People are idiots.”
“I know. But it still bothers me.”
“Do you regret it? Being public?”
“No. But I’m scared. What if this hurts you? What if you can’t find a job and it’s my fault?”
“It won’t be your fault. It’ll be the fault of people who can’t mind their own business.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
Elias reached across the table. Took his hand. “We’re going to be okay. Whatever happens, we’ll handle it together.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
But as they drove back to campus, Elias’s phone buzzed with an email. From the publishing house where he’d interviewed. The job he’d wanted most.
Thank you for your interest. We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates.
He deleted it before Alex could see.
One rejection. That was all.
But it felt like the beginning of something worse.