Chapter 75

She didn't lie when she said that. I did assume. There were so many things about her I believed to be true that weren't. I didn't now. When she found out about Skye, I scrapped everything I assumed and looked at her for who she was. I found myself lost in everything as I recounted everything I knew and I found myself liking it all, even the weirdest things such as how here eyebrow twitches when she gets mad, something I found insanely adorable, the way she bites the inside of her cheek when she's concentrating, how she'll tilt her head to the side when something else is on her mind. It all was like a labyrinth and I would happily spend the rest of my days wandering in it.

"I..." her voice cracked. She took a deep breath held herself together. "My mom works at a care home and my dad's a gardener. One of best ones in town if I'm being honest." That explained all the plants around the kitchen, but the proudness in her voice made me realise that she wasn't embarrassed about her parents. There was something else. 

"That's how I met Rya. My dad gardens for her dad and used to take me along. Rya and I met, and we instantly became friends." She let out a small chuckle. "She didn't care about money or where you came from, she took me in and became my best friend. However, it all changed when I got older, I watched those movies with the mean girls, how much power they held, how everyone admired them. I wanted that. God, I wanted that so bad. I... I felt so weak in who I was and wanted to be strong. So, I went shopping and bought all these knockoff designer clothes, I learnt how to do hair and makeup and I came up with a story."

She had a motive but what she didn't realise was that she was already strong. Sienna could break the world in two and she didn't even realise it.

"Rya hated the idea of it but I wanted it so bad she went along. I made myself an empire and, at first, it was amazing, but now, I'm terrified to let it fall because that's what everyone wants. Everyone wants to see me crumble and break. They want to stomp all over me. And... and I'm scared." Her voice broke again and her eyes glassed.

I didn't speak. She wanted me to listen and so I'd listen.

"Rya was the only one who knew at first, and then when I started dating Adam, I told him. I was so scared he'd judge me or tell everyone, but he didn't. he was so... kind and understanding and really made me feel loved, you know? What people didn't realise was that even though we got into arguments or we went on breaks, whenever I needed him, I could call him and he'd be there. Without a doubt, he'd be there." she took a deep breath. "It hurt so much when he left me."

"How... how did it happen?" I cautiously asked.

"How did we break up?" I nodded in response. She chuckled annoyedly at the memory of it. "We went to a party and I caught Adam taking drugs – cocaine to be more specific." Adam did drugs? Jesus Christ. "We've had arguments about it before and he promised me he'd stop, but that night he didn't and so I took him upstairs to talk some sense into him, but he wasn't taking it." I could imagine it. The anger and hurt as she talked to him and I couldn't understand how he could be so careless. If he cared about her like she truly believed he did, how could he stand there and ignore the concern and worry she was putting out? How could he ignore her and hurt her even more?

"Before the party, I saved up to buy these shoes. They were super expensive, and I dreamed about having them for so long, so when I got the right amount of money, I went straight to the shop to buy them. People were complimenting them the whole night and I finally felt like I belonged as stupid as it sounds. I bought those shoes. I'd saved up for several months helping my dad with the gardening and my mom at the care home, but when I went upstairs to talk to Adam, he was so drunk and high he spilled beer all over them. And d'you know what he said when I got upset?"

I didn't answer because I could tell it was rhetorical.

"He told me to 'just buy another pair'."

My blood boiled again as she told me those words. I knew Adam was a dick and I never understood why so many girls floundered over him, however this made me really hate him. I had to ball one of my hands into a fist to calm down the immense outrage I now felt towards this boy.

"I stormed out after that." She looked down at her shoes. "Leah must've come in then. I can't blame her for taking Adam's side, she didn't know what really happened between us but sometimes I'm scared that..."

"You're scared Adam's going to tell her." I thought that what Sienna did to Leah with the diary was gross but, then again, I didn't know the full story with it. This made me realise there was more.

"She's everything I'm not." I heard her whisper. I looked up to see small tears rolling down her cheeks. "She's the complete opposite of me and I can't help but think that I wasn't good enough that he... t-that he..."

In instinct, I stalked over to her and embraced her in my arms. She crumbled under my touch, sniffling, letting out small, whimpering cries. She had been through so much and I was completely blind to it. Everyone was completely blind to it.

Despite that, no matter what she told me, she was still Sienna. I felt that tinge of jealous about Adam still, how he was the one she let into all of this first disclosing Rya, but I couldn't blame her, it'd be stupid to blame her for that. I had the feeling that Sienna just wanted to be loved, like everybody in the world, except she needed a little bit more of it.

"I hate myself, Roman." She sniffed. I hugged her tighter.

"Don't say that." I whispered into her hair. "You are the most amazing person I could ever know, and that's never going to change."

It felt so weird to hold someone and let them break, but it was the trust I had never felt before. How she trusted me enough to break in my arms and know I would protect her. It was terrifying but there wasn't a piece of it couldn't take because I liked that she felt that way.

Sienna was someone I knew I would never forget. Even if in years to come we part ways and never speak to each other again, I knew every piece of her would follow me for the rest of my life.

A strange feeling always lingered around her that I had never felt before. It wasn't like that with Emily, I never felt like this with Emily, but I couldn't explain what the feeling was. I knew the feeling of a crush, I felt that with Emily all the time. The nervous, anxious swirl of panic but beam of light when she looked my way, but with Sienna it was deeper. I could sense her emotions, see the mannerisms she did that could tell me so many things. There were things I picked up with her that were so stupidly small that I couldn't do that with anyone else. I felt it all over my body, a sense of complete comfort and serenity. She cleared my head. She made me brave. She made me want to do things for not only her, but myself, she made me want to be a better man, she pushed me to heights I didn't know I could go and if I fell, I knew she'd be there to catch me.

I felt it for her the night of the storm. I wanted to have sex with her so bad and I would have if it wasn't for this feeling. It told me to wait. And I did. And I waited for this moment because in this moment, we were both raw and there wasn't an inch of her I didn't know. There wasn't an inch of her I didn't like. There wasn't an inch of her I wouldn't cradle and care for. I knew that I could be there for her throughout whatever now. I knew I could keep her safe.

She stopped crying and relaxed in my arms, her breathing was slow but deep and I felt that feeling that strongest I'd ever felt it. I stopped thinking straight as a revelation rushed and fulminated across every sense I had. 

"Sienna?" she hummed in response. "Remember when you told me that all I have to do is tell you when I'm ready?"

"Yeah." She mumbled.

"I'm ready."