Part One Hundred and One

It took me about half an hour before I could walk into the bathroom. On the counter stood an empty container of pain pills next to an empty bottle of wine. Except for the tub, the rest of the bathroom was spotless. Rivulets of blood marked the otherwise white tub and it took me back to finding Sloan. He had cut his wrists too.

That’s when I broke down and cried, sitting on the bathroom floor next to the tub where I could still smell her perfume. Deep down I knew that this was a choice that she had made but I couldn’t help feeling that I might have pushed her towards that choice.

I had been cruel, I’d ruined her life after I promised her the world. I’d loved her completely for a long time but I’d also treated her like dirt. I’d taken her daughter away from her and I’d rejected her after she’d given me the most precious thing in this world.

It felt like the walls were closing in on me. The tumultuous waves of my own turmoil were crashing over me, drowning me in pain and all I had to do was forgive her. I’d never been good with forgiveness but she was Madison, my Madison and I’d let her die.

“Kage? Shouldn’t you be at practice?” Alexander answered his phone.

“Dad …” I said as tears streamed freely down my face.

“What’s wrong?” Alexander asked me, his voice full of concern.

“Madison’s dead,” I whispered.

“Shit Kage, where are you?” he asked me as the phone fell from my hands. “Kage? Kage!” I could hear his voice but my body wouldn’t move and I just sobbed out my grief.

I don’t know how long I sat there and cried but I looked up when I felt hands on my shoulders and Castiel’s face was right in front of me.

“I’m here, Kage, I got you,” he said as he pulled me up and hugged me.

“Castiel?” My voice was hoarse, my throat raw and I didn’t know why he was here.

“I’m here, Alexander, I’ve got him,” Castiel said into his phone and then he was hugging me again.

“Shit.”

“Get him some water,” Castiel said and I didn’t know who he was talking to.

“Get him out of the bathroom.” I heard Miles’s voice.

I was led to the living room and everything felt sort of slow motion, like I was in a daze. Faces appeared in front of me, my brothers were talking to me and Luke was rubbing my back. My phone kept ringing and I saw Endri in the doorway talking to someone.

“Kage?”

“Yes?” I didn’t know how to function or breathe and if it wasn’t something that happened naturally, I was sure I’d have stopped breathing.

“You should let Castiel take you home. We’ll pack up her stuff for you. You don’t have to do it,” Luke’s voice came.

“Okay.”

“Castiel, take Kage home. Miles, get some boxes. Endri, start in the bedroom and I’ll clean the bathroom,” Luke said.

Castiel had his hand on my shoulder as he led me out of her apartment and into my car. We drove in silence and by the time he parked my car I had stopped crying. It was dark now, night had fallen and I’d been gone all day. It didn’t feel like hours, mere minutes.

“Kage …” Katiya said as she wrapped herself around me the moment I stepped through the front door.

We stood hugging as I closed my eyes and lowered my head to her shoulder. She was stroking my hair but she didn’t say anything, just comforted me. She smelled like home and it gutted me that I hadn’t thought of Madison like that, but I did with her. It felt like she was giving me strength, hope and everything else I needed.

“Hi, I’m Castiel, the better looking brother,” Castiel said and I chuckled.

“Kalen?” I asked her.

“She’s asleep, you can check on her if you want to. I’ll make some coffee and I kept your food in the oven,” she said.

“I’m not hungry,” I said.

“In that case, coffee or scotch?” she asked me.

“Scotch would be the right answer,” Castiel said.

I went to check on Kalen and I could hear Castiel and Katiya talking in the kitchen. I stood next to her crib and just looked at her. “I’m so sorry, Kalen.”

We sat drinking in the living room and a while later Miles joined us and shortly after him Endri and Luke arrived. We didn’t talk at all and everybody just kept watching me. Alexander had called a few times and I knew he was on his way.

“What do you want to do, Kage?” Castiel asked me.

“About?”

“We’ve been talking about funeral arrangements for the last half an hour,” Miles said.

“We should take her to Jamestown,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Endri asked me.

“Maybe, I don’t know. Maybe we should bury her here, Jared’s here,” I said. “Shit, I have to tell Jared.”

I had fallen asleep on the couch and I woke up with Katiya lying on top of me as we shared what little space there was. Miles and Castiel were snuggling on another couch and Endri and Luke were entangled on the last couch.

“Hey,” Katiya said softly as she opened her eyes and we were staring at each other again.

“Thank you for not leaving me yesterday,” I said.

“I won’t leave you, Kage,” she said. It sounded like a promise. I wanted it to be a promise, one she could never break.

“Get a room please, if you guys start making out while Castiel’s hand is on my ass I’m going to die,” Miles said.

“You’re complaining about me? You fart in your sleep, asshole,” Castiel said.

“Ow, my back,” Luke said as Endri untangled himself.

“We need coffee and bacon,” Castiel said, rubbing his eyes.

“I love you guys,” I said as I sat up right when Katiya climbed off me.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, we’re awesome and shit,” Miles said as I threw a pillow at his head.

“I’ll get the coffee machine started,” Katiya said and left the living room.

“What?” I asked when I looked back from staring at her ass to find all of them staring at me.

“He asks what,” Endri chuckled.

“You like her,” Miles said.

“He doesn’t like her, he lusts her,” Luke said.

“He’s already screwed her, I can see it in his eyes,” Castiel said.

“What the fuck is wrong with you all?” I asked and they started to laugh.

“For the record, he didn’t screw me, I screwed him,” Katiya yelled from the kitchen and I closed my eyes as they sat there, mouths open.

“You should keep her, she’s a fireball,” Castiel said.

“You should all keep your mouths shut,” I said as they grinned at me.