33

"Damn it!" I threw everything that was on my desk in my room.

I felt completely frustrated and like a damn coward. Yes, I had taken it out on the only person who brought light into my life. I could feel my heart pounding, not because she was by my side as usual, but because she wasn't, and that's what hurt me. Because I made her go away, I scared her off with my terrible way of being.

"Ever!" Mom entered my room shouting my name. She stopped at the door when she saw the mess I had caused and looked at me in astonishment, not understanding what was going on.

"She's gone, I messed up! She broke up with me!" Mom didn't need to ask me what had happened; I blurted out what was killing me at that moment.

Her face saddened, and she walked towards me, opening her arms for me to embrace her, enveloping me in her warmth.

"I heard her screams. What happened, Ever?" Mom stroked my hair, just like she used to when I was a child, giving me comfort.

"You can't imagine how embarrassed I was for her to see me behind bars. I want to stop being violent with her. I feel ashamed and terrible about myself. But I've been an idiot because instead of talking to her, I've locked myself away and directed the anger I feel, which is my fault, toward her. I didn't even treat her well, Mom. I yelled at her, spoke to her rudely, and..." Mom interrupted me.

"And she has only been worried about you, supporting you, anxious for your well-being. She has molded you and brought many smiles to your face. She has tamed you better than I have, to some extent, softened that stubborn heart of yours made you sweeter and more empathetic. She has only helped you improve many aspects of yourself, Ever. I've told you before that you shouldn't shut yourself off. Now that you have a girlfriend like her, who loves you for who you are, you should be more open and let go of your insecurities. Opening up doesn't make you any less of a man. It makes you brave." Mom's sweet voice made me realize many things, all of them true.

"She told me not to look for her, Mom. She ended it. She said I'm an animal. It's over." I wanted to cry, yes, cry. I felt like never before, with a tightness in my chest, and my pride as a man meant nothing at that moment. Her sad little eyes wouldn't leave my mind. My precious girl was hurt because of me. I had behaved like a beast.

"She said that because she was upset. We women are like that, my love. How badly did you treat her?" Mom asked, looking at me with some fear of what my answer would be.

"I took her, Mom, and just kissed her roughly. I wasn't gentle with her, I didn't treat her sweetly, I didn't look at her with love. I wanted to deceive myself, and I ended up ruining everything. I asked her if she would stay, and she interpreted it as me kicking her out of my room. She told me she felt like a prostitute, and..." Mom interrupted me again.

"You went too far. Don't tell me more. It's understandable that she doesn't want you to look for her. What's wrong with you, Ever?!" Mom, in a way, got worked up, but I understood. She's a woman.

"We also talked about boxing. She wants me to quit. She doesn't want me to pursue it as a career, and..." Mom interrupted me once more "You're sure that being a boxer is what you want to do with your life?" That question hit me hard.

"That's the problem, Mom. When Eleonor wasn't around, I didn't care about anything else but what I thought because I only depended on myself. But now it's different. I'm so in love that I want to be a better person for her. I don't want her to constantly worry about me, to suffer because of my constant trouble. I don't want her to live a life of agony by my side. I don't want to give her any more reasons to worry, and boxing only brings money illegally, fights in shady places with low-life people, and exposed me to whatever comes my way... I don't want that life anymore. I love boxing, and I'm passionate about training, but Eleonor, she's amazing. She brings me peace, tranquility, and love." Lost, with my gaze wandering, I felt Mom's hands gently shaking my face, and she smiled at me with teary eyes.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that. My love, you have the answer to what you should do, but if you're unsure about taking action, I can give you a hint. You don't have to remove either boxing or Eleonor from your life. Keep training but stop fighting. That way, you take care of your life, and your health, and free yourself from what you believe is holding you back. And apologize to Eleonor, tell her exactly what you've told me about your feelings and torments. I'm glad someone like her has come into your life to make you a better person, to awaken you, to make you realize that your life goes beyond being a bitter fighter enslaved by the past. You can do whatever you want with your life, either improve it or continue to destroy it, but just think about what would make you happier. Especially when you talk to Eleonor, don't forget to bring her some beautiful flowers or chocolates, and promise her it will be the last time you hurt her heart. Ever, a man deserves to be called a 'man' if he respects and values women, no matter how angry you are, don't lose control. It's better to stay silent and wait for things to calm down, but don't make the mistake of speaking in the heat of the moment. Some words hurt for a lifetime, especially if they come from someone we love. Or I can give you a better piece of advice..." Mom paused.

I looked into her eyes, grateful to have my mother by my side.

"I know how you would have wanted your father to treat me, I know how you would want your daughter's boyfriend to treat her. It doesn't take money or physical appearance to win over a woman, just treating her well." Her thumbs caressed my cheeks.

"I know you're not a child, but today I'll tell you what you'll do. You'll clean up this mess, have dinner, take a bath, and go to sleep. I know it may be difficult because you can't stop thinking about how Eleonor must be feeling, but tomorrow is the right day for both of you to talk. I say tomorrow because the longer we wait, the worse it gets. Just speak to her with your heart, and everything will be fine, my grown-up boy."