Chapter 61 Love
LISA
His hand didn't leave mine and he didn't attempt to step up on the floor and I could only stare at him with wide eyes because I couldn't fathom anything.
I couldn't fathom why he was doing this.
"What are you doing, Axel?"
"I wish I knew," he smiled a bitter smile, "but I just knew I'd be damned if I allow you to walk through that door without letting you know how I feel."
I thought my heart had reached the maximum level for how fast it could beat but why did I pick a race again? Why was it beating so much that I feared it would burst out of its rib cage? Without letting me know how he feels?
How does he feel?
"I don't know, Red, I should ask you because what have you done to me? Why can't I stop thinking about you?" He asked me, eyes boring into mine and filled with so many emotions that I couldn't even start to decipher them.
He can't stop thinking about me?
"I can't stop thinking about you, Red, I see you when I close my eyes, when I open them, I see you in every girl, every shape, everything, you're everywhere in my mind, in my thoughts..." My heart started racing more and more. Was he... was he saying what I think he was saying?
"You're everything in my mind, Red and I'm a fucking mess. I've been a fucking mess since you decided to walk away three nights ago since you decided that you didn't want to fuck around with me anymore. It just... it just felt like..."
"It was just sex, Axel," I dared, disguising it with a chuckle, "I don't understand why anyone, least of all will be feeling this poetic because you miss sex with someone."
"It's just not sex, Lisa, I wish it was but it's just not sex... I can't..." he trailed off and he ran his fingers through his hair again, "this is just not about sex, it seems like it doesn't even have anything to do with sex."
My heart leaped to my throat and I had to swallow a difficult lump as I stared back at him.
Was he about to confess his feelings for me? Has Axel strangely and bizarrely fallen for me too? But he seemed so reluctant to talk about it, he seemed so reticent to even come to terms with what he was feeling so I had to nudge him, to try to get him to say it.
"What do you feel for me, Axel?"
He sighed loudly, "I don't know what it is, Lisa," he replied soberly and my heart dropped.
"I'm not sure what I feel for you but it's a fucking terrifying feeling that makes me feel consumed by you, that makes me think about you 24 hours a day, that makes me constantly miss you, that makes your existence feel even much more important than mine to me, that make me worry when you're sad and make me happy when you're happy, that makes me feel like I could pluck out a star for you if you want one so tell me," he started massaging my hand with his thumb, electrifying my skin and making goosebumps spread all over my skin as he gazed up at me with intense sincerity," what name has been given to feel like that?"
Love. It was love.
I could almost weep with relief, could feel intense happiness and giddiness spreading over my body with so much force that I could barely contain them.
He was in love with me and the poor little thing doesn't even know it.
"You're the one with the feelings, Axel and you should be the one to put a tag to it and not me."
"Damn," he chuckled slightly, his head bouncing from side to side, "I don't know what it is but you've reduced me to this state where I can't function without you."
I gasped, feeling weak at the knees and I knew I'd have dissolved to the ground if I wasn't sitting down. I've been at the receiving end of a love confession before but this? This felt more powerful than the L word.
"I know we don't stand a chance," he continued, shattering my illusions, "I know we can't get involved romantically because of our family's feud and enmity that runs deeper than anything but despite that, will you still have me and let's make it work somehow?"
Was he... was he asking me out now? Was he asking us to become official?
For someone who was a pro at killing, who had taken countless lives without a conscience, who was always calm and collected, who has never been bothered by anything to get reduced to this stage, to look this unhinged and vulnerable because I was something I couldn't wrap my head around.
It was something I couldn't believe.
Axel Ivanov was in love with me and he was asking me to become his girlfriend despite everything that was against us, even though ours was a romance that was as forbidden as that of Romeo and Juliette.
"Please don't say no, Red," he begged, Axel Ivanov actually begged with his voice sounding like he was low-key scared, "because I'm really going to come undone if I get turned down."
I couldn't say anything, couldn't even think of anything to say. I was discombobulated, completely, thoroughly. Despite hoping that he'd feel something like this, I never expected it to be this intense, I never expected it to steal my breath away like this.
And I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how to reply to this.
"Say something, Red, I'm about to lose my mind here."
God!
I bent down and leaned closer till my lips brushed over his and I planted a quick kiss on his lips. I leaned back with a smile in my eyes and he looked dazed as if he didn't believe I just did that.
"I guess that's my answer to you," I told him and a smile crossed his smile as his shoulders slumped in massive relief.
"Geez," his smile deepened, transforming him into a cute-looking boy, "you have no idea how worried I was, I thought you were going to turn me down even though that'd be the first time I'd get turned down."
"Aigoo, your ego is too big for your good."
"It's not ego if I'm starting facts," he grinned wickedly and my heart skipped a beat and I panicked as alarm surged through me.
Was this how it was always going to be? One smile from him and my heart would be beating this fast as if it was about to burst out of its ribcage.
Omoh. I don't think I was ever going to get used to this feeling.
"So does that mean you've asked a lot of girls out? That you've dated a lot of them?" I asked, feigning a teenage girl's anger and his eyes widened in what looked like panic.
"No, of course not," he was quick to answer, "you know I've never dated anyone, you're my first real girlfriend."
Girlfriend? I stifled my smile but I couldn't help it, the smile was already spreading across my lips. So I was his girlfriend and he was now my boyfriend.
I mentally squealed and I instantly berated myself because why was I acting like a 15-year-old girl?
I knew my family. I knew how much they hated I he Ivavovs with a special hatred chronically reserved for Axel and I could say the same thing about his family. I 'd never allow us to be together. They'd never allow us to....
Calm down, Bitch, you're just dating, not getting married.
But still, I was only thinking ahead and it wasn't even like I was interested in getting married or anything.
"Don't worry about that," he said as he pushed himself to a standing position and he leaned down to press a kiss on my forehead. His lips lingered on my forehead and I felt tears prickle at the back of my eyes. Getting kissed there was just a big deal for me.
"We'll be able to get everything under control so don't worry about it, this is our first day as a couple so we should only focus on the positive things for now and right now..." his grin turned more wicked as his eyes lingered on my left boob, "right now, you deserve a long shower and a deep night rest."
Ohhh, I actually blushed. God! I was running mad because of Axel because why the hell was I blushing like a twelve year old girl that was holding hands with her crush?
I understand the long shower and the deep night's rest and I knew it must have everything to do with sex. My core tightened with intense need because it's been a long time since I had sex and I was so desperate for the intense release that only Axel's expertise could bring me.
He pulled me up and he started to pull me toward his bathroom. I could hardly contain my excitement because I was sure we wouldn't leave that bedroom without either of us getting creamed. But to my utmost surprise, once we entered the bathroom, he nudged me toward the shower.
"Just use the white towels to your left when you're done. I'll go and bring one of my shirts and shorts for you to wear."
Ufff, why did I need to wear any clothing when all we needed to do was to stay naked all night?
But he was already out of the bathroom and I had no option but to enter the shower. I was still under the shower when he returned back and he dropped the cloth on the rack. I expected him to join me in the cubicle but he didn't even look in my direction before walking out of the bathroom.
Ufff. Maybe he just didn't want us to do it in the bathroom. I hastened my shower process and in no time I was dressed in his shorts and shirt and I tried not to act like a foolish teenage girl basking under the euphoric feeling of wearing her boyfriend's clothes for the first time.
I stepped out of the bathroom and Axel was sitting on the bed. He stood up when he saw me and his eyes darkened as he took me in, with his eyes lingering on my exposed legs and my boobs that were greatly outlined by his shirt and my nipples pebbled into her knot under his scrutinizing gaze.
He started to walk towards me and my mouth dried up but instead, he sidestepped me.
"Give me a minute to freshen up too, I'll join you in a minute."
Ufff. I tried not to allow my disappointment to show as he walked to the bathroom and I went to lie on the bed. After a while, he came out of the bathroom and my body straightened in anticipation. He had grey joggers on and they did nothing to hide the outline of his member and the slight budget.
He flashed me with a smile as he took his space beside me on the bed and when he pulled me into his arms, I squealed and expected his lips to find mine but instead, his lips landed on my forehead and my eyes widened as he tugged me very close to his body.
"Goodnight Red, you can dream about me," he murmured against my forehead.
Good night. Are we just going to sleep without sex?
"Goodnight?" I turned my head to look at him and I started trailing my knees up on his upper tight. "Are we not going to do anything?"
"No, we're not, we're new couples and we need to take things slow."
"Take things slow?" I exclaimed in disbelief, "why would we take things slow when there's nothing we haven't done before."
"There's something we haven't done before, we've been fucking all these while and the next time we sleep together, I'll be making love with you with a little bit of harsh fucking like you love it anyways."
Whoop. That sounded really promising but I can't wait, not when I was dripping badly and I was on the edge of insanity with too much-repressed need that had finally come alive with his touch. "Why can't we just do it now?" I whined and I started to rub myself against him with my knees delivering strokes on his length, "I've waited so long and I can't wait again."
He groaned harshly and he tried to hold my body in place, "you can wait more, and besides, it'll be worth the wait."
"No, I can't," I purred and I reached between us to wrap my hand around his length. I had barely started to stroke him when he grabbed my hand and he pulled it away. "You can jump on me and start dry-humping me and I won't budge. I know what I have planned for it and you'll love it."
"I'll love it more when you do it now."
"Goodnight Red," he pulled me completely close to me and he tucked my head beneath his chin, "I'm not indulging in this conversation with you again."
Ufff. I didn't say anything to him but I snuggled closer to him, basking in the euphoric feel of cuddling with the man I was in love with.
But despite being happy and being deeply satiated, I couldn't help but wonder what the future holds for us.
What Angel will do once she finds out because it was just a matter of time before she finds out.
She was Angel after all.