CHAPTER 103

CHAPTER 103
"You don't like baby brother." That sweet familiar little voice carried through, and J'onn almost jumped up where he sat.
"Princess, why are you awake?" J'onn stammered, trying to pull himself together. He had to talk out loud to get the weight off his shoulders but he never intended to wake his daughter because he was damned sure he was whispering. The little girl must be a light sleeper like her Daddy.
"You don't like baby brother." She Whispered again, gazing at J'onn with sleepy eyes.
"Why, Daddy?" She asked when J'onn was not saying anything.
"No, no, that is not what I said. It is still early, baby. Go back to sleep."
"The baby is still in mommy's tummy and I love him so much already. I cannot wait until he is here, but why don't you love him, Daddy? Was he bad to you?"
Hearing his daughter refer to the baby as someone who was already born without knowing it somehow eased J'onn's mind in a way he could not understand.
"How do you know it's a boy?" He asked his daughter, the first thought that came to his mind, and the prospect of having a son who looked like him made him feel as though he was about to choke.
Melissa shrugged as she climbed onto the bed to lie down. "I just do. I hope it will be a boy. But why are you sad, Daddy?"
"No, baby." He put his hand over hers, caressing it. "Your mommy has just told me about the baby."
"You are not happy about it?"
"Not that. I am just surprised by it."
"Why?"
"Because it is such a shock."
"You are shocked?"
J'onn nodded.
"That's not good, Daddy. You should be happy that mommy is pregnant with a baby."
"I'm going to be a big sister and I am so excited. I'm going to give him my snacks, share my toys with him, play with him, and take care of him."
"I know you're scared, Daddy, but you don't have to be scared. Baby brother is going to love you just like he's going to love me. And he's not going to be mean to you. I can tell he's going to be a good boy."
"Why are you so sweet?" J'onn looked at his almost five-year-old adoringly. "Because I want you to be happy."
"I am, baby girl. I am so happy. Just a bit nervous but I am happy."
"Whenever I get nervous, mama tells me not to worry. She tells me that I have her and that she will love me and protect me always."
"You have me and Mommy so you don't have to be anxious."
"Yeah, I guess."
"I was afraid just like you when Mommy said I was going to meet you soon. I did not know whether you were going to like me, but mommy said you are the nicest man ever and that you are going to love me."
"I like you, mommy likes you, and I'm sure baby brother will like you too. Don't go, Daddy, stay with us."
"Of course not. I'm not going to leave you all."
"Promise?"
"Yes, my love, I promise."
"Thank you, Daddy."
"No need to thank me, sweetheart."
"You should go to bed." He bent forward towards her and kissed her forehead. "Love you, Daddy." Melissa yawned and shut her eyes.
"Love you too, my baby."
J'onn stayed for a while, watching his daughter sleep, after which he laboriously helped himself out.
Melissa and Bonnie's room were a few steps apart, so he soon found himself in front of the door leading to Bonnie's room.
He slowly opened the door and found nothing different. Bonnie was still on the bed. He could hear her sniffling.
He felt embarrassed and went over to her side of the bed and knelt beside it, looking into her now swollen eyes.
"Baby, I'm sorry."
"I don't want anything to do with you. You are dead to me."
"Don't you dare touch me!!!!" She looked at him when he was trying to take her hand.
"Babe, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for the way I behaved earlier. The news came as such a shock."
She sat up from where she had lain down. "What? You think this is easy for me too? You think I wanted this so bad? Or if you knew you didn't want kids anymore, then why the hell did you fking come in me?"
"I have done this without you, J'onn, and I will do it again. Get the hell away from me!! I want nothing to do with you!"
"My head is miles away from what you think is going on in my head." He explained.
He had pointed out that he did not want anything to do with him and his child.
"You are getting it all wrong, Bonnie. Sorry if my reaction made you think otherwise but that was not the plan."
"I am still trying to win your heart over, and Melissa's. And the thought of you being pregnant…"
"Do you feel any love for it at all. Just come back to California." "I understand, You don't need to love it.".
"There is no way I am going back, at least not now. Christ, can you just listen to me?!" This time J'onn shouted at Bonnie, not caring if he was being too extreme. He could see she was trying to push him away and he was not going to let her.
"I acknowledge I was an asshole in the past, but leaving you is not an option."
"Everything is moving so quickly. The miracles that I prayed for and even those that I did not. As a person who never experienced this degree of happiness, I got scared."
"I missed so much in Melissa's life and to think I'm going to get what I missed this soon, with our second baby, if it's not a miracle, I don't know what else to call it."
"I know I am not perfect but I'm going to do all it takes to be the best man to you and the best Daddy to our babies."
"I know I said to you earlier that the time wasn't right but fk it! I swear to you that I am going to be by your side every step of the way."
"I truly have nothing against our bundle of joy. I want it as much as you do.
"Please, forgive me." He pleaded, looking into Bonnie's eyes, waiting for some sort of response from her.
"Babe, say something."
"Please," He went on when she did not make any sort of response. Bonnie faced away from him.
"I am sorry I made you cry. I did not take the news well, I am so sorry."
"You do not have to stay with me if you do not want to. You do not have to accept this new reality with me just because you feel some sort of pity for me. We will be fine without you."
He breathed a sigh, "What do I have to do to get you to believe me that I am telling the truth?" He stood up to his feet and then tried to sit back down beside her on the bed.
"Don't come close," She growled, trying to move away but J'onn sat down on the other side of the bed from her and grabbed her hand, not letting her pull away further.
Why? Are you afraid of what my touch would do to you?"
"I am so angry with you," She said, trying to wrestle her hand from his grip but it was almost impossible as J'onn held her possessively.
Holding her in place with one hand, he brought the other hand up to her face, and with a thumb, he softly wiped away the tears at the corner of her eyes.
"You left!" she sobbed.
"I did not do so on purpose, baby."
"You kept insisting and I had the impression that you wanted to be alone. That is why I left." "You should have stayed back."
"I know I should have and I am sorry that I did not."
"I've talked with Melissa and I will not lie that it cooled me down a bit."
"She's awake?"
"She has gone back to bed."
"What did you two talk about?"
"It's confidential."
What now? You two having secrets behind my back?"
"I cannot say that but that little child is my biggest blessing to date. I do not know how she is so smart and compassionate. Talking to her has gotten me pumped rather than scared."
"What would you have done if this child were not here anymore?"
J'onn frowned, "What do you mean?"
"I did that when the Doctor informed me I was pregnant. I was so confused that I thought getting rid of it was the way to go."
"You wanted to get rid of it? Why?" J'onn asked, not knowing why he was paining at the thoughts of and sound of it.
"It came as a shock, you and I were not on good terms, I did not want to experience the alone phase of giving a child life- again.".
"Gabe was there for me each time when I was pregnant with Melissa but there was still that gap which only one's partner can fill. The nights I cried myself to sleep, felt so stupid, and just needed to feel loved up. It was a rollercoaster indeed but I'd probably do that again just to have Melissa."
"I was literally ready to get rid of the baby but was not able to do it. Talking to Melissa opened my eyes too. She's an angel for real."
"Talking to her about you helped me understand a lot of things. Did I mention she wouldn't talk to me for 24 hours?"
J'onn shook his head.
"The pain I felt cannot be explained. For the very first time, I had an idea of what you would have felt when we met at the airport.
"A child's rejection hurts so much. I knew then and there that I had to get to you."
"I shared the news about the baby with Melissa and her face was a million dollars. She gave me all the reassurance I needed to know I could do this again."