Chapter 50 - Healing the Broken Alpha

Lenora

I let River hold my elbow until we were alone behind the closed door, and then I shook him off. He looked at me with an almost tortured expression which was totally at odds with the cold and closed expression he had worn when he left me alone and walked away.

“Lenora…” his voice was ragged. “Tell me the truth. Did Ashton…violate you?”

I walked away from him and stood at the window, looking out at the grounds and the woods beyond. “No,” I said flatly, and turned back around because I wanted to see his face when I spoke the words. “But you did.”

He flinched, like I had slapped him. “Nora—“

“You used my body and then walked away. How is that any different than what your brother would have done to me?” I asked harshly.

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean—“ he swore and raked his hands through his hair, standing it on end, giving him a wild appearance which only reminded me of Dardanos.

I sighed heavily and rested a hand over my stomach. “No, your brother didn’t rape me, but I’m sure he would have, if I hadn’t gotten away from him.”

“I’m sorry, Lenora. I’m sorry you were left alone, I’m sorry my brother… I’m sorry I dragged you into all this. I thought… if I kept my distance from you in public, you would be safe. I didn’t realize the threat was right under my own roof.”

I swallowed and dropped my hand, in case he noticed and wondered why I kept covering my womb. “So how much longer do you need me to play my part?” I asked flatly.

Although we didn’t have any concrete evidence that Asher had attempted to murder his older brother, I think it was very clear that he was the villian. And now that Asher’s character had been revealed, was it really necessary for me to continue to stand beside him as his fake Luna.

It seemed like we had accomplished his objective.

River shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

“Remember the day I found out you could walk?” I asked, swallowing back a feeling of tears. “That day you asked me to play along with your ruse, and I did. I played it so well that I keep forgetting it was only pretend marriage.”

I reached up and rubbed my unmarked shoulder. I was silly and innocent and naive. I had assumed that our little arranged marriage was real and meaningful. It hadn’t occurred to me that I was just another piece of this false front he was building in order to flush out the person who had attacked him.

And who wouldn’t be fooled? With the kisses and the soft touches, all the times we had made love, with the exception of the last time, even the way he stuck close to me and acted all possessive and protective? His acting was so good, even I had believed him.

I had thought that even despite the fact that we had started off with an arranged marriage, that we might have actually been falling in love. That somehow we would make it through this dark time, and find our happy ending somewhere around the corner.

River would rise again, as a strong and respected Alpha, I would stand beside him, a loyal and devoted Luna, and I would give him sons and daughters. And we would live happily ever after as a perfect loving family.

I shook my head and turned back to the window. “Why didn’t you just send me back with my grandfather today? It would have been the perfect opportunity to get rid of me, and extract yourself from this arrangement.”

Hugging my arms around my middle, I stared out over the tops of the trees. I thought of the big black wolf who had saved me from River’s brother. I thought about the strange feelings that Dardanos evoked in my body and the way my wolf was practically paralyzed around him. I thought of the haunting resemblance between the wild man in the woods, and the Blackstone family.

I thought my birth family was seriously f.ucked up. My mother was murdered, my father slowly went insane until he too died under mysterious circumstances, and my brother was an alcoholic playboy. But I think the Blackstone family was even worse off than mine. Full of toxic people and dark secrets.

I was about to turn and ask River about Dardanos, when his hands descended on my shoulders. His touch, despite everything, was cool, gentle and strangely calming. I always imagined a mate’s touch would be like that. Comforting. Connecting.

But I knew it was only wishful thinking. There could be no fated bond without River’s wolf.

“You are right, Lenora,” he admitted. I could feel my heart physically breaking as he confirmed it. “That’s how I planned it, at the start.” His hands slid down my arms and rubbed them gently.

I wanted so badly to lean back into his arms, but I resisted it. I kept my back straight and my shoulders stiff. However, when he urged me to turn and face him, I let him guide me around. I had to tip my head back to meet his stormy green eyes.

“I thought I could bring you here, use you to help flush out my attacker, and then quietly send you away. My father has been pushing so hard for me to settle down, take a mate, and I thought this would kill two birds with one stone. I can’t even explain how I justified everything in my head, Lenora, but it made sense at the time.”

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I never anticipated that it would be like this. I didn’t know I would…” he swallowed with some difficulty. “I would become so attached to you. That I would… desire you, this way. That I would have this need to be with you, and near you every time. I know I can’t mark you, but I almost feel like…” He pushed my hair aside and drew a slow, tantalizing circle over my barren shoulder. “I almost feel like we have that bond, anyway.”

He breathed deeply, and his other hand came to touch my cheek. “When you had that run-in at my uncle’s I suddenly realized how much danger I am putting you in. My father warned me, but I didn’t see it until…” his breath shuddered in his chest. “I told myself I had to pull away from you. You will only be safe if I leave you alone. I told myself I need to send you away and…”

River squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, what happened last time. I told myself it was the last time I would hold you. I’d take you one last time, like…like an alcoholic having one last drink. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t let you go. So I thought, if you pushed me away…if you hated me…”

His head dropped forward. “I hated myself as soon as I walked away. By the time I got downstairs I’d made up my mind to come back, to apologize. To beg and grovel if that’s what it took. But then Asher showed up and…” he let go of my face to rub his eyes.

I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I didn’t. I forced my hands to stay down at my sides, with my fingers curled into my palms.

“When I was out there, in the middle of bumf.uck nowhere on that wild goose chase that Asher sent me on, something happened, Lenora. I was walking and suddenly… I was in so much pain. It was so intense, so unbearable, my father almost had to carry me back to the car. And I know it doesn’t make sense, because we aren’t marked and bonded but all I could think was that something bad had happened to you.” He lowered his hand from his eyes, and I could see a shine of tears. “That… you were hurt, or…” His voice broke, “Dead. Or that… our bond, that shouldn’t even exist, had been violated.”