Chapter 51 - Healing the Broken Alpha
Lenora
I felt my lip tremble. Seeing tears in River’s eyes, hearing his deep strong voice cracking with emotion almost broke me.
“You are right. You always are. I should have sent you back with your grandfather. Not because I don’t want you or I don’t need you any more, but because I can’t keep you safe here. It was on the tip of my tongue, Nora. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t send you away. Because I’m weak and I’m selfish, and I can’t stand the idea of being separated from you again. Please, forgive me.”
His hands dropped from my shoulders to my waist, and pressed gently, urging me to step into his body. I couldn’t hold out any more. Because even though I was hurt and I was angry, even though I felt used and manipulated, I also knew it was already too late. I loved this man.
I let him pull me close and seal our bodies together. The way that we fit into each other made it seem like we were designed for each other, predestined. My tender breasts tingled against his chest and a familiar throb started between my legs as soon as our bodies connected.
His words rolled around in the back of my mind. Did we share a bond? Without his wolf, without a mark? Was that possible? It seemed to defy explanation, but then again, the bond between mated pairs was always more mystical than biological. A couple months ago I wouldn’t have believed it was possible that a strong, sexy Alpha could have a bond with a nobody like me, but somehow my perspective had changed.
Since my mother died I had been told that I was weak, ugly, worthless. My own father could hardly bear to look at me, and my brother took great pleasure in tormenting me relentlessly. Everyone acted like it was my fault… my fault that a monster had broken into the packhouse. My brother used to say that our mother died because I was weak and useless, that she had lost her life trying to defend me.
But in my dreams… my mother had died first. By the time I stepped out in the hallway, her body was already bleeding out on the floor, snowflakes from the broken window settling on a body that was already growing cold.
Everyone insisted that my dream was only a dream, that it wasn’t what really happened. But they weren’t there. They couldn’t know that for sure.
Regardless, I had accepted their judgment. I had agreed to be weak and worthless and ugly. But being at Blackstone, being with River… I didn’t want to be that person anymore.
When River walked away from me, I realized I wasn’t that person. Even if people treated me that way.
His hand found its way under my ratty old t-shirt and pressed against the bare skin of my lower back. His human skin always felt unnaturally cool against mine, but at the same time, the temperature difference between our bodies was exciting, stimulating. I gave up resisting and lifted my arms to allow him to pull the t-shirt off. “I don’t like these clothes,” he growled, as he wadded it up and threw it toward the trash can in the corner.
I shrugged my shoulders, both at his statement, and to remove the ratty remains of my bra. “That's all I had available.”
“How could they allow you to dress like this? It’s shameful.”
“I think that was the point,” I said dryly. “They wanted me to be ashamed.”
“You had nothing to be ashamed of,” He said, squatting down so that he could reach the waistband of my jeans. “They were shaming themselves. They were showing their own character by neglecting you. Even if you weren’t the daughter of an alpha! I wouldn’t let any child in my pack be treated so carelessly.”
“Because you are a good Alpha, and you care about your pack,” I pointed out.
He managed to unsnap the button, which wasn’t all that easy, because I had gained weight since the last time I had worn these old jeans. Not only because I ate regular, healthy, nourishing meals at River’s pack, but perhaps also because there was a baby growing in my womb. Although it was probably too early for the baby to be changing my shape, I shivered when River pressed his lips against my belly, and tugged the pants down.
If River still had his wolf, he would be able to smell the changes in my hormones very soon. But he didn’t have those heightened senses any more. I ran my fingers through his hair and considered telling him. We were having a moment of closeness and reconciliation, it was a perfect time to tell him I thought I was pregnant… but something held me back.
He was already paranoid about my safety. If he knew I was pregnant, maybe he would no longer let his so-called selfish-desire to keep me close to him prevail. He might try to do the gallant thing again and send me away, if not for my safety, then the safety of his unborn child.
But I didn’t want to be sent away.
I also wanted, and needed to stay close to him. He didn’t have a wolf, but I did. With me by his side, I could help him, I could be his senses when he needed them. I could help keep him safe, while he continued to stand proud as the Alpha of the Blackstone pack. He needed me. And I needed him. So I smiled down at him, and I kept my secret. There would be time to tell him later. When Asher was found, and justice was served.
“Did you mean what you said?” I asked, a little breathlessly, as his hands had slipped under my panties.
He looked up at me, his eyes seeming to have darkened to the color of moss. “About what?”
“Well, about everything. But, about your brother. Are you going to execute him?”
His jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. “Yes.” His fingers tightened around my hips. “Attacking the Luna is a crime punishable by death. What Asher did, wasn’t just a spontaneous act of passion. He planned all of it. He knew exactly what he was doing. He deserves to die, and I will not make any exception, just because he is my half brother.”
I cringed at the venom in his voice, but I didn’t argue. I felt no compassion toward Asher Blackstone. I wasn’t going to be the saintly woman who stood up and saved him from the consequences of his own actions. Not only had he attacked me, but he had plotted against the Alpha. Probably he was the one who had caused River’s illness. And for that, I would gladly kill him myself.
River rolled the panties down my hips, which wasn’t hard, since the elastic was all but gone in the waist. I rested my hands on his shoulders as I stepped out of them, but my mind had wandered. “River?”
He leaned down and kissed the inside of my thigh. “Yes?”
“What…what happened to your mother?”
I felt the muscles of his shoulders stiffen under my fingers. He stood up slowly, running his fingers up my body lightly as he did so. “My mother? You want to talk about my mother now?”
I shivered slightly, but I nodded.
He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair, fanning it out over my shoulders. “She left us. I was only two, barely a toddler. They were supposed to be fated and marked mates, but rumor has it she fell in love with someone else and,” he shrugged. “She left us. My aunt told me that she knew that my father would never let her go if she tried to take me with her, so she left me behind.”
He said it calmly, matter of factly, like he had long ago made his peace with the fact that his mother had abandoned him.
“Where did she go? Did you ever see her again?”
“No idea,” his voice grew gravely, as his fingers skimmed down over my breasts. “She never came back, never tried to contact me. Or if she did, my father squashed it. But it's for the best. I was the alpha heir. Now I am the alpha. This is where I belong. Not with a mother who didn’t honor the mate bond.”
My mind went to the tall, elegant lady I had met at my Luna ceremony. The mysterious one with the veil over her face. She had seemed somehow familiar, and now I wondered. Could she have been River’s mother? Some wisp of an idea started to materialize in my head, but before it could fully form, River’s hands moved.
His thumbs slid lightly over my nipples, and I moaned. My breasts were so sensitive that even the lightest touch was over-stimulating. I reached for him, grasping her shirt in my fists as I swayed slightly on my feet. By the time I started working my way down the long line of buttons, I had forgotten all about River’s mother.