Chapter 47- Broken

Swinging her legs on the ledge, Najmah couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to jump off the balcony of the two storey building.

Either one of two results would occur; if she didn't die on impact then she would surely break her neck and maybe a couple more bones if she was lucky.

'Man, that would definitely suck.' she shivered, drawing her shawl closer not because she was cold or anything but the thought of breaking her bones or initiating her death brought shivers down her spine.

She wondered what others who had taken the leap thought in between the moment of letting go and making impact. Did they ever regret the decision of ending their lives? Did they ever look at the ground as they surged towards it and wondered what it might have been like if they hadn't jumped? Maybe not.

"Najmah what are you doing?" Hanifa gasped, rooted in the doorway.

"Just thinking," Najmah replied coolly without looking back.

"Can you step down from there, please? It's dangerous," she chided, padding towards the balcony door.

"Do you ever wonder what people who commit suicide think before they make contact with the ground?" Najmah voiced out her thoughts, craning her neck so she could get a better view of Hanifa.

"What?" she gasped, unable to comprehend what Najmah had said. Was she going to kill herself? Subhanallah.

"Don't worry," Najmah rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna commit suicide, okay? No man is worth committing suicide over."

"I am very relieved to hear that," Hanifa let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Your in-laws are gone, you can go back home now."

"Are you kicking me out too Adda? Have you grown tired of me already? This is like my fourth visit to your house since..." she trailed off.

"Of course not. You are more than welcome to stay here for as long as you want Najmah."

"Why do I hear a but in there?" Najmah cocked her eyebrow, swinging her legs off the ledge.

"It's been three months Najmah, this is the fifth time you are refusing to see them. You can not run away from your problems forever."

"Who said I was running? It's called stalling Adda. I am nursing a broken heart, remember? By the way, did they bring my luggage with them? I left my favorite jeans there and I miss 'em."

"They didn't," she shook her head. "They came to take you back, why would they bring your luggage with them?"

"They didn't send me out, he sent me out so he should be the one to come and get me," Najmah shrugged, draping her shawl on the bed.

"So you want to go back?"Hanifa inquired hopefully.

"He treated me like trash Adda, and I hate him for it. Over my dead body will I ever go back to him."

"You can only hate someone so much if you love them,"  Hanifa countered.

"I think I am in love with him," Najmah stated solemnly, picking at an invisible thread on her shawl.

Hanifa stilled, gaping at Najmah. Never in a million years had she ever imagined Najmah saying those words considering what she had gone through after her return from Istanbul.

"You said the same thing about Fahad," she responded, recovering from her shock.

"I said that I loved him not I was in love with him, these are two different things," Najmah frowned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, heading towards the door. "I'm gonna go get some chocolate."

"Does that mean you forgive him?"

"Just because I admit that I am in love with him doesn't mean that I forgive him for what he did to me. He hurt me and discarded me like trash, believe me, Adda that is unforgivable," she threw over her shoulder. "I hate that I love him."

{••}

She was halfway through the corridor that linked the kitchen to the living room when she stopped dead in her tracks,  freezing mid swallow.

He was there.

"Merhaba sevgilim," his lips lifted up into a smile.

"What are you doing here?" she uttered, taking out the spoon from her mouth, her lips trembling.

"I came to see you," he responded, his smile intact.

Weeks after it happened, she had always wondered what it would be like when she came face to face with him again. What her reaction would be and what she would say to him.

It had not been easy, some days she thought she would go insane if she didn't see him nor hear his voice. She would close her eyes and nothing would dominate her senses other than him, the deep rumble of his laughter, his Turkish lilt when he spoke, his twin dimples that always amazed her and his striking obsidians that still haunted her dreams.

But now standing only a few feet away from him, all she could feel was an unadulterated rage bubbling from deep within her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then exhaled, counting from one to ten to control her anger and level her breathing.

"We need to talk," he stated, breaking her out of her trance.

"What you need to do is take twenty steps outta here," she responded coldly, walking back into the kitchen where she had come from.

"Najmah, I am sorry," he called out after her, making her still. She turned around and walked right back to the corridor, Nutella jar long forgotten.

"You're sorry?" she chuckled dryly. "Sorry that you ruined my life or sorry that you played me for a fool?"

"All of it," he sucked in a breath, hanging his head low. "I am really sorry Najmah, I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did," she crossed her arms, staring him down.

As he stood inches away from her, she came to the realisation that she didn't hate him as much as she thought did. What she felt was more of curiosity and nothing else. 'My God, how weird am I?' she rolled her eyes internally.

"And I apologize for that. I didn't mean to hurt you Najmah, please believe me, I didn't want that."

She scoffed then rolled her eyes, placing her hand over her head to drag her shawl closer when she froze, her eyes widening up like saucers. 'Ya Allah, he's seen my hair,’ she groaned.

"I want you to leave," she pointed at the door leading outside the house, her eyes turning to slits.

"Sevgilim..."

"Do not ever call me that," she warned, gritting her teeth. "Ever again."

"Najmah I will keep apologizing to you until you find it in your heart to forgive me. I know what I did was wrong, but please give me a chance to explain myself. I had a good reason for doing so if you will just let me explain to you why."

"I don't care about the 'why' anymore Aslan, it was a long time ago. I don't need the closure and now if you may," she gestured at the door, her hand shaking a bit. "Leave from here, I don't ever wanna see your face ever again."

"Naj..."

"Don't say my name," she heaved a breath, pushing back the tears that were at the corner of her eyes. "Leave!"

"Just listen to..."

"Believe me," she cut him off when she heard the heavy footsteps rushing down the stairs. "It will be in your best interest if you leave. You have about ten secs to..."

Her next words halted in her throat when Umar's fist connected with Aslan's jaw.

"Leave," she smirked, despite the turmoil going on in her heart. "Or not."

"What the..."

Another blow landed on his jaw, forcing him to fall down on his back, swallowing the rest of his words.

"Babe!" Hanifa shrieked, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder to stop him from pouncing on Aslan again. "That's enough."

Umar pinched the bridge of his nose to quell his rage, his jaw set.

The small squeeze Hanifa gave his shoulder was enough to stall his advancement towards Aslan and with squared shoulders, he sauntered into the living room. If Hanifa hadn't been there, Lord knows he would have beaten him to a pulp. No one dared to hurt his sister and get away with it.

"I will advise you to leave from here right away. I can only hold him off for some moments. If he comes out and finds you here, no one will be able to stop him," Hanifa stated pitifully, following after her husband.

Najmah stared at him with a blank expression as he moved his jaw to make sure it wasn't broken. She felt nothing when he winced in pain or when his blood stained the carpeted corridor. All she felt was pity for the maid who was going to clean up the mess.

He stood up and glanced at her without uttering a word before heading out of the house and that's when her knees gave way, her façade falling apart.

She let out a cry of anguish as memories of the last three months came rushing to her, her pain resurfacing. All she had tried to suppress, she let out in one single heart-wrenching sob that tore her whole being to shreds.

Aslan was back.

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