Chapter 46- Finding Peace

Aslan tapped his foot gently on the ceramic floor, looking down on the visitor's badge pinned to his shirt. His face was calm and collected, a varying degree from the turmoil raging within his heart and mind as he gazed around the visitor's lodge in the precinct before looking down at his watch.

Lale was the opposite of calm, she could feel the four walls of the lodge closing in on her with each passing second yet she couldn't bring herself to leave. She had to be there for her brother and mostly for herself. She needed to know the reason why they were brought up the way they were; she needed closure in other to move on with her life.

Her eyes wandered around the lodge till they settled on a little girl sitting on her father's lap, playing with his beard. A look of forlorn flashed across her face as she got transported back to the time when she was just the same age as the girl.

"Baba Baba," she called out joyfully, hopping on her father's lap stretching out her exam card to his face. "I got an..."

"What do you think you are doing?" his face flashed with anger as he pushed her to the floor. "Do I look like a trampoline that you would play on my laps, huh?"

"I'm sorry Baba," she cried out when he pulled her ears, apologising profusely for her mistake. He let her go before storming out of the living room, leaving her behind with a muddled mind and bruising knees.

Lale was four, she had no idea she was not supposed to play on her father's lap. She had seen many of her friends do it and they never got reproached so why was her father different? Why wouldn't he play with her? She only wanted to show him her examination card.

Lale got pulled back to the present when she felt Aslan's hand on hers. She glanced up to come face to face with her all time tormentor. Her body began to shake as he sat opposite her with that evil glint that still shone on his face.

"He can not hurt you here," Aslan spoke softly, squeezing her hand. She nodded, pushing back the tears that were at the corner of her eyes. She had spilt far too much tears for him already, she would spill no more.

"What brings you here?" the man questioned, placing both hands on the table as he gazed at his children whom he hasn't seen for the last fifteen years he had been locked up.

"Hello Father," Aslan responded, mustering up enough control to keep his voice leveled.

"Father," Lale greeted, digging her nails into the palm of her hands to exercise control.

"Am I now?" he cocked his eyebrow, leaning back into his chair. "Lale Sadek or should I say Lalehan Demir. Which really is your name?"

"We did not come for that," Aslan interfered, placing a hand on Lale's shoulder to keep her from retaliating.

"Then, why are you here?"

"We came here to make peace with you," Aslan spoke calmly, pronouncing the words as if they scalded his tongue. "We need to move on with our lives, we can not afford to let any more loose ends unattended."

"Loose ends," Demir tasted the words on his mouth before his lips lifted up into a smirk. "Do you think that coming here would give you peace? Do you think that you would get my blessing to be happy? Look around here," he gestured at the room. "I am stuck here for the rest of my life because of you Aslan. You will never know peace for as long as you live. There will be no peace in your life for as long as you share the same blood as mine. You are just like me, an addict who can not live without the influence of drugs, without feeling the euphoria when you are high."

"You are sick," Lale spat venomously, rising to her feet. "You will never change and I am so happy that you are locked up in here. You may have been the one who fathered me, there is one thing you will never be and that is being a Baba to me. I have no idea what I am doing here. To think that being here would have softened you up a bit."

"Hate me all that you want Lalehan, the truth will never change. Underneath your expensive clothes and your personality, you are still a Demir through and through. You will never be a Sadek," he smirked, enjoying the torment she was going through. She scoffed before sauntering out of the lodge, leaving the two behind.

"You are wrong," Aslan spoke calmly despite the rage building up within him. "I have found my peace and I let her go. I will be happy, Father, and I will be at peace. I do not need the euphoria from the drugs anymore, all I need is her and I will get her back. I am not like you, I never was.You tried to make me be like you, filling my head with those crazy ideas that all I needed were the drugs to make me happy but Alhamdulillah, my mind is cleared now and for once, I can finally think straight without your words overshadowing my decisions. We will move on with our lives just like we have wanted to for the last fifteen years. By blood, we are Demirs and that will never change, but by name, character and relations, we are Sadeks. That will also never change.To think that I kept beating myself up for years thinking that I was unworthy of being loved," he scoffed, pushing up his feet. "But being here right now, I realised how foolish I was believing all the things that you've said. I strayed down the wrong path, but Alhamdulillah, I am on the right track now."

"You are foolish if you think that you would ever be happy Aslan," Mr Demir chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. "There is no redemption for the likes of you and I. You are a murderer and a drug addict. You have been on drugs since you were a child and you think taking a few years off of it would make you better? You think having the right girl would make you be a better man? No, I do not think so. Sooner or later, you would go back to being who you are. You would drop the charade and become the man that I have groomed you to be. You are my shadow self Aslan, you cannot escape who you are."

"I never was and I never will be like you," Aslan responded calmly. "I really hope you realise your mistakes Father and repent before it is too late for you."

"You are talking about repentance now?" Demir seethed.

"I came to make peace with you and I have done that already, there is nothing left for us to talk about. Goodbye Father, I really wish you the best there is in your life, what's left of it anyway. I forgive you for you have meted out to my siblings and me, what you've also done to Anne. I can not keep on hating you for the rest of my life, there is no room for that anymore. I hope you can forgive yourself, that is the only way you will find peace."

With that, Aslan trudged out of the precinct leaving behind the one thing that kept dragging him down no matter how hard he tried to stand up. He had finally embraced who he was and made peace with his past, there was nothing holding him back anymore.

He was going to get her back and come what may, he was ready to face it all. He was going to be happy, his past no longer had a leash on his future; he was finally free.

{••}

"Asil asked me to marry him," Lale announced once they arrived back home.

"He did what?" Aslan's eyes widened in shock, feeling terrified of what might happen next.

"Relax," Lale chuckled, fiddling with her bracelet nervously. "I didn't say yes."

"Why do I feel like there's a but in there somewhere?" he sighed, feeling the earlier tension evaporating, allowing another to fill its space.

"After our visit today, I realised that relationships are all about taking risks. I know that marriage is a huge risk, but I am willing to take it with him. I am finally ready to settle down and be happy, it is all I've ever wanted and now...now I've found it with Asil. He is the one for me. I know that he has his flaws and all but so do I, none of us are perfect, but at least we can try to be for each other."

"If that is what you want," he scrubbed a hand over his face. "You have been telling me to go and find my happiness, to be happy but in reality, you are the one who needs happiness the most. You deserve it Lale and if Asil is the one who makes you happy then I have no objections, I give you my blessings."

"Thank you, brother," she responded gratefully, her eyes welling up with tears. She pecked his cheek before alighting from the car, wiping her tears away. She pulled out a tiny envelope from her bag then handed it to him.

"What do I do with this?" he questioned quizzically, flipping the envelope over.

"You go and get the girl," her lips lifted up into a smile. "Do not waste time, it is essential."

He mouthed a thank you to her before ripping open the envelope curiously. A plane ticket fell down his lap, and he smiled gratefully, picking it up.

He had made peace with his past and it was now time for him to find his inner and outer peace. He was going to get Najmah back. He knew it was not going to be simple, but he would surely do it.

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