Chapter Five

Seven p.m. Wednesday night came and went. Tabitha moped around the house. She was angry at herself—infuriated for wanting to go and disappointed because she’d been too gutless to take that first step. It had been easier to ignore the calling and stay at home than to face possible rejection. She’d made the choice, but now she moved restlessly, aimlessly around the house, unable to settle in front of the television or her laptop. In vain she tried a book, but threw it aside after a few pages.

“Tabitha, please, will you settle?” her mother said.

“I can’t.” Tabitha huffed as she launched herself into the same chair for the third time that night.

Her mother laid her knitting in her lap and directed a hard glance at Tabitha. “Then perhaps you should have gone—”

“No… I couldn’t.” Tabitha twisted the bottom of her tee into a tight roll.

Her mother sighed and returned to her knitting. Her father kept his nose buried in his book—he didn’t want to get involved. Tabitha retreated to her room and threw herself on the bed. Gutless, that was what she was, gutless. Now it was too late she wanted that moment back, to reverse her decision. But would she have? Now she would never know.

* * * *

It was just getting dark when Alex pulled into the driveway. Tabitha watched him from her bedroom window, not sure if she wanted to see him. He’d asked her to go out to the movies on Tuesday, but she’d put him off, saying she wasn’t up to it yet. He’d urged her to go, making her feel pressured, and he’d seemed a bit frustrated with her when she’d refused. Again she had immediately felt like she had failed some test.

“Tabitha, Alex is here. Shall I send him up?” her mother yelled up the passage.

“Yes, Mom,” she yelled back as she remained standing at the window.

A moment later Alex walked through the door and dumped a pile of books and papers on her bed. “From Kayne. He says no rush, when you’re ready.”

She turned to find Alex right behind her. She stared up at him.

“How’re you feeling, Kitty Kat?” he asked.

She smiled. “Okay, I suppose.”

He reached out and touched the corner of her mouth with his thumb before he leaned toward her and kissed her lightly on the mouth. “I need you to get better, Tabitha,” he said.

“I know, Alex. I just can’t seem to get it together,” she murmured.

“Tabitha, you have to work this out or she wins—you know that, don’t you?”

She nodded. “And if I don’t?”

Alex frowned. “That’s not an option, Tabitha, you’re bigger and better than that.”

She shook her head. “I’m not so sure, Alex, not anymore. I’ve crashed out of the course, lost my job, lost my friend and my dignity, everything.”

He took her shoulders in a firm grip. “You have me, Tabitha, doesn’t that count for something?”

“For how long, Alex?” she asked.

“Damn it, Tabitha, I’m not going anywhere, I just want to help, but you have to try too.”

Tears stung her eyes. “I know, Alex, but I just don’t know how.”

He pulled her hard against his chest. “Baby steps, Kitty Kat, baby steps. Now promise me you will come out with me when I get back, just to the movies or something. He looked down at her with a serious intensity shadowing his face.

She nodded. “I promise.”

With Alex gone again, she sank back into a dangerously sad lethargy.

Its grip tightened as the days slid past. She was hardly getting out of bed, let alone leaving the room. Her mom became impatient with her for the first time on Saturday morning as she tried to vacuum around her as she lay slumped on the couch, barely registering to lift her feet as the vacuum zoomed past.

“Come on, Tabitha, please. Make a bit of an effort, love. I know you’re hurting and struggling, but we can only do so much. You have to help yourself, just a bit.”

She shrugged.

“At least go have a shower,” her mom urged.

Knowing she wouldn’t get any peace until she did, Tabitha hauled herself off the couch.

“I tell you what, Tabitha, why don’t you come to the Plaza with me? We could have lunch, buy some clothes.”

“I don’t know, Mom, I just don’t feel like it.”

“Tabitha, I understand you probably don’t feel like it, with all that has happened, but you should try. Perhaps you could pretend and you might actually find it’s not so bad. I mean, we haven’t done anything mother-daughter for ages. If for no other reason, just indulge me. It would make me feel better.”

She looked up at her mother, suddenly aware of how uneven her words were, and she realized her mother was fighting back tears.

Oh hell—she was hurting her mom again, differently, but just as bad.

“Okay, Mom, I’ll come to the Plaza with you. You’re right, we haven’t done anything in a while.”

She stood under the shower for a long time, just letting the hot water sluice over her body in the hope that it would melt the hard lump of dread that sat inside her chest. She did not want to do this—the thought of the noise, the crowds and the risk of bumping into someone she knew wrapped her heart in a clawed grip. What would people say? Would they mention her suicide attempt, or would they pretend it hadn’t happened? It had been a cruel lesson to learn that people just did not know how to cope with the act of suicide, especially when faced with the survivor. And she, the survivor, had no idea how to ease their discomfort.

They had barely gotten in the door, and who should be coming toward them but Madge Turner from the car club.

“Awww, Tabitha, love, it’s so good to see you,” she cried out as she charged forward, her arms held wide. “Such a terrible time for you all.”

Tabitha was enclosed in a tight, sweet-smelling embrace. She stood stock-still, not sure what to say or do.

“I am so glad you’re safe, sweetie,” she mumbled in Tabitha’s ear before pushing her away.

“Madge, nice to see you,” Tabitha’s mother said.

Tabitha noticed an edge to her tone and realized her mother was struggling too. Was Madge Turner going to say something?

Madge looked them both over. “Lillian, I heard about Aaron’s car, just dreadful. He must be devastated. Will you make the car club picnic?”

Tabitha’s mother smiled. “We hope to be there, Madge, if the insurance has fixed Aaron’s car by then.”

“Good, good. Well, glad to see you are all in one piece. Must dash, I have my granddaughter to pick up from childcare. Catch you soon.”

They turned and waved as the other woman surged through the crowded foyer and out into the car park.

“Shall we have lunch first, Tabitha?”

Tabitha looked at her mom, taking in her flushed face and tear-bright eyes. It hit her again—she was not the only one suffering in the fallout of her suicide attempt.

They had lunch and bought clothes. They didn’t see anyone they knew and in the end Tabitha actually enjoyed the day and it was so good to see her mother smiling again. As they sat at one of the outside tables of the café, drinking cappuccinos and sharing a slice of cake, it began to dawn on Tabitha that she had to get her life back—not the old one, but a new one, and she was the only one who could do anything about it. Her moping was hurting her and those around her. The ones who had supported her—loved her. She couldn’t expect them to pander to her endlessly. While her parents would always be there, she wasn’t so sure about Alex, and she couldn’t bear the thought of driving him away with her misery.

When she got home, she made a list—a long list of small steps to make a new life.

First she rang Alex and they talked for a long time. It cleared the tension in the air between them.

“I’m proud of you, Tabitha. I know it’s hard, but I believe in you. I have faith you can overcome this shit time in your life. Remember, Kitty Kat, I’m here supporting you. You’re not alone.”

“I know you’re there for me, Alex, and my parents, but in some ways I’m still on my own. Only I can want it bad enough to make it happen and I’m so scared of failing.”

“Kitty Kat, you will only fail if you stop trying, and I’ll always help you get back on the horse—so to speak,” he said with a chuckle.

Tabitha laughed then. “You’re funny, Alex,” she said. “But seriously, I am grateful you will be there, I might need some boosting.”

The next morning she rang Harriet at the vet clinic and asked if she could come back. Harriet was pleased she was feeling better, and yes, she could have every Wednesday and every second Monday. Tabitha thought about ringing Mrs. Waldrop, but decided against it because she was sure to say no and Tabitha’s fragile hold on this new life couldn’t quite cope with that refusal. She refused to think about college—that was still too hard to tackle. She debated ringing Jaclyn, but decided that one was also for later.

After she had finished making her calls, she sat on the edge of her bed and fiddled with the business card Isabella had given her. Her fingers twitched as she turned it over and over, the neat blue and orange logo flashing at her like a neon light. Did she or didn’t she? Did she or didn’t she? Her mind prevaricated back and forth as her emotions went from terror to disappointment and back again, as she dug deep into her soul for just enough courage to take that small step.

* * * *

Wednesday afternoon came and went. Tabitha sat on the couch idly watching a shape while surreptitiously watching the clock. The hands moved slowly. Six. Six-fifteen. Six-thirty. Her parents stayed silent, but the tension as they waited—and also watched the clock—was palatable in the room. Six-forty-five. Still all three of them stared unseeing at the television. Anxiety made Tabitha’s gut tighten. Part of her wanted to stay glued to the spot, but the other part of her wanted to leap up, run to her room, change and go. She wished her parents weren’t watching her so closely. It disturbed her that they were so keen for her to do this. She was scared of disappointing them, of another failure. The failure to give it a try at all, or the failure to find acceptance, if she did get involved. Either way, it would be another fail at life and she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to put the broken pieces back together again.

In a flash of insight, she realized there was no way she could put them or herself through it all again. At least if she went, they could see she had tried, that she hadn’t completely given up on the world. It would be a gift for them. She felt she owed them that much, after all that had happened. Six-fifty-five.

She sprang out of the chair. All three studiously avoided looking at one another. She strode up the passage, changed into track pants and sneakers, snatched up her bag and the keys to her mom’s car, and walked with a nonchalant stride down the passage. As she walked across the lounge, she could almost touch the expectant hope that loomed in the room like a tangible object. She paused in the hall, but didn’t know what to say, so just stood there for a moment in silence.

“See you when you get home,” her mother said softly, casually, like her daughter was just going to the corner store for a snack.

“Yep. Won’t be late,” Tabitha replied as she slipped out into the cold, clear night air. She stood on the veranda for a moment, her hand still holding the door latch, and breathed deeply. The smell of the cut timber where it lay in piles tantalized her nostrils, and in her mind she reconstructed the scene of that night—the volunteers in orange overalls scuttling back and forth on some mission controlled by invisible paths. Everyone had had a place and a job. Everyone had had support. Everyone had had everyone else.

She let out her breath and watched it frost in the air. It was that bond she wanted, but feared she couldn’t have. Then she ran across the veranda, climbed into the car and, without pausing, reversed out of the driveway and roared up the quiet street.

* * * *

The huge shed was lit inside and out. Two large trucks were parked outside. Men and women in orange overalls swarmed over them, unloading equipment, winding cords, repacking boxes. She heard the guttural roar of a chainsaw from somewhere inside the shed. A tall, skinny man was blowing the leaves out of a fenced-off compound and she recognized him as Jesse. She couldn’t see the two women, Louise and Isabella. Fear held her frozen in her car, invisible in the dark to those busy nearby. She clenched the keys so tightly that they indented her palm, but still she couldn’t bring herself to get out, to walk those few steps. Just a few steps, from an old life to a new one, with so much potential offered and so much fear to be faced.

Her heart convulsed at the tap on the window. Her breath jammed in her chest. She looked around to find Isabella grinning down at her.

“You came,” she squealed as she hauled the door open. “Come on then. I’ll show you round and introduce you to everyone before PJ does your paperwork.”

The choice to run was obliterated in that moment. With integration into the bustle outside inevitable, she allowed herself to be manhandled from the car. Isabella barely gave her time to retrieve her handbag before she dragged her toward the shed. Inside it was cavernous on one side, but divided into smaller areas on the other.

Isabella flung open her locker door. “Here. Leave your bag in my locker. You don’t want to carry it around.”

Slightly stunned by the locker and change rooms, and the swiftness with which she had found herself on the move, she allowed Isabella to lock her bag up.

“Come meet everyone. Oh, by the way, toilets are over there, and there is water and soft drink in the fridge. They cost a dollar,” Isabella said as she waved vaguely toward the back of the locker room, even as she grabbed Tabitha’s arm.

Seconds later Tabitha found herself in the middle of the frenzied activity around the trucks. Most of the gear had disappeared, and Louise wielded a pressure hose to clean the vehicle. She waved and continued her task.

“Hey, you came. Good on ya. When you didn’t rock up last week, I told Isabella you wouldn’t come,” Jesse mumbled from behind her.

Tabitha turned and smiled up at him. “I had to think about it,” she said.

Jesse laughed. “Weren’t scared, were you?”

“Well, sort of. You lot seem to be so skilled. I don’t know if I will be any good at it,” she replied.

“We’ll train you,” Jesse replied.

As Isabella and Tabitha moved off, Jesse turned the blower vac back on. In the shed, a group of orange-clad people were counting items and packing them in bags.

“Hey, guys, this is Tabitha. She’s going to join the unit,” Isabella announced.

As one, they paused and acknowledged her. She saw then that each had their name on their overalls. She felt a sense of relief that she wouldn’t have to remember their names straightaway.

“That there is Tim, you met him the other night. He was swinging Big Bertha at your place. Johnno was on the small chainsaw, and Annie you met. The others over there are Phillip, Paul and Isaac.”

Tabitha glanced right around the group in an attempt to include everyone in her acknowledgment.

“So what’re they doing?” she asked.

“They’re checking and repacking the abseiling gear. Each bag must have all the equipment required, like ropes, carabiners, harnesses and stuff, and it must all be in perfect condition so they’re ready for immediate use in an emergency.”

“Abseiling?” Tabitha’s voice was almost a squeak.

“Yep. You’ll learn how, eventually. Come on. I’ll show you the maintenance area.” Isabella began to move off.

Tabitha tried to absorb it all, from servicing chainsaws to the various vehicles and the radio equipment in the ops room.

“I’ll never remember all this, Isabella. Maybe this isn’t for me.”

Isabella smiled. “No one is going to expect you to remember everything or know it all at first. We do train you, you know. Anyway, come and have a chat with PJ. He’ll give you all the vital information. If you decide you aren’t interested, that’s okay, at least you came and had a look.”

“It looks pretty amazing, but scary too. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Isabella looked serious for the first time that night. “Yeah, most of us girls hadn’t either, now we wouldn’t give it up. Anyway, see what you think when you talk to PJ.”

“Oh, I’m pretty interested, Isabella.”

Isabella smiled again. “Good, because we’d love to have you onboard. If you want to join, PJ can do your police check and paperwork. Then we can get you kitted out.”

“Kitted out?”

“Yep—overalls, boots, a helmet and gloves.” Isabella rattled off the list as she indicated her uniform.

“They give you all that?” Tabitha commented, genuinely surprised that they provided a complete uniform.

“Yep,” Isabella said.

Reeling under her burden of new knowledge, she followed Isabella into a quiet, roomy office with two desks. An older, balding man sat behind one. Tabitha recognized him as PJ from her house, and behind the other desk sat a much taller, gray-headed man with smiling gray eyes.

“This is PJ. Peter Johnson. He’s our recruitment officer. And this is our unit manager, Cameron McGregor. Mac, PJ, this is Tabitha. She’s thinking about joining.”

Both men smiled.

PJ indicated the chair in front of his desk. “So, you want to join the SES?”

“I think so,” Tabitha muttered, suddenly overwhelmed by what she had sort of decided to do.

“So why do you want to join?” PJ asked as he resumed his seat and leaned back in his chair in a nonchalant posture.

Tabitha stared at him for a long moment. She wasn’t sure what to say. Why did she want to join? Could she explain to this man what she wasn’t sure of herself?

“I… Well… You guys came to our place the other night. It was amazing what you did…”

“Chopped the tree down that fell on the garage?” PJ asked.

“Yes…”

PJ leaned forward now, his elbows resting on the desk. “But that’s all hard work, Tabitha. In the cold, wet and the wind, sometimes for hours, and not every client goes all out and feeds the crew like your parents did. It’s hard work. Surely that doesn’t attract you?”

Tabitha’s face flushed warm. She looked down for a moment then back at PJ. “Well, it wasn’t what you guys did exactly, but how you did it. As a team—all trained, all supporting one another. Working hard, but still able to share a joke and a laugh. It was that teamwork, that closeness. You don’t see that very often. It was amazing.”

“I see. That bond is all-important in the SES, Tabitha, and you’ll only get out what you put in.” He sounded serious, even though he continued to smile.

Uncertainty rocketed through her. Could she make a worthwhile contribution considering how weak she was? Would she crumple at the first difficulty? Tabitha couldn’t answer that right now, and knew she had to explain just in case she failed, again. She dragged up a hesitant smile. “I know, and I want to, but you see…” She paused and looked from PJ to Isabella and back again.

Cameron looked up from his paperwork. “Isabella, perhaps you should go help Timothy clean the locker room and come back in a while for Tabitha.”

Isabella frowned but left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Tabitha was more comfortable with Isabella gone. For now, she wanted her background to be confidential. She didn’t think she was really ready to share her suicide attempt with the others just yet. She could always do it one day when she knew them better.

She continued, “I’ve not been happy with my life for some time now. In fact, I hit rock bottom not long ago—personal stuff—and I want…” She paused here and swallowed hard before she went on, getting up her courage. “I actually tried to kill myself—you see there’s this girl who’s been bullying me for years. It sort of got on top of me with a few other things. I became convinced I was worthless and useless and that everyone would be better off without me. I couldn’t go on living in fear anymore. But after, I realized how much I was loved and how much I would have been missed. I know what I did was selfish, and hurt people around me, but there seemed no way out of the pain. No way to stop the hurt.”

Tabitha shifted forward in the seat. “I’m glad I didn’t die, but trying to fix my life has been a struggle. I had no direction, I just knew I needed to make a change.

“I saw something the other night with you guys, and I’ve given it lots of thought. I want that something to be part of my life… I’m not sure how much I have to offer and I don’t have any skills.”

PJ laughed then. “Skills we can teach, Tabitha. Attitude, we cannot.” His expression sobered. “We don’t tolerate bullies in this unit either. Your suicide attempt means you have really been struggling with life. Bullying is insidious, vicious. Has she stopped tormenting you since your suicide attempt?”

Tabitha shook her head. “I haven’t actually seen her, but her parents refused to let her participate in therapy sessions.”

“Do you feel that counseling has helped you?”

Again Tabitha shook her head. “Not really. The counselors have given me lots of strategies, but they probably won’t work.”

PJ looked serious. “It’s disappointing you haven’t been able to solve the issue.”

Tabitha’s heart sank. This is where they said no, and she didn’t blame them for not wanting a depressed, suicidal failure in the unit.

“I’m still having counseling and we’re working on the bullying, but I really need something in my life to focus on besides my own misfortune. I thought volunteering might help, especially something like the SES that’s so outside my past experience. Helping other people is a good thing, isn’t it?”

“It is a good thing, Tabitha.” PJ glanced at his unit manager.

Cameron McGregor gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“Will this stop me joining?” Tabitha asked.

“No, Tabitha, you can join, but with a couple of provisos. One, if you ever feel so bad again you tell me, and two, you are not allowed to go on jobs that may be very emotionally difficult, like body retrievals. Does that sound fair enough?”

Tabitha nodded.

“Good. I think you’ll make a good member, Tabitha. You have a much deeper insight into the painful stuff of life than most people your age. So go home and think about it. Have a look on our website, and I suggest you read our Introduction Pack. If you decide this is really what you want to do, then fill out the form. Bring it with you if you come back next week and I’ll do your police check. We can get you kitted out next week and ready to begin training.”

He handed her a booklet, a piece of white twine and a couple of brochures.

There was a soft knock on the door and Isabella poked her head around the corner. “All done?” she asked.

Tabitha stood up and walked to the door, unable to stop smiling. She was in. As she followed Isabella out of the office, she held up the twine. “What’s this for?”

“Your training begins now, Tabitha,” Isabella said in a serious tone, then chuckled as she helped Tabitha open her booklet to the middle pages. “See these knots?” she asked.

Tabitha studied the little diagrams on the page. “Yes,” she said, already feeling out of her depth.

“Well, you need to learn them. Learn them so well you can tie them in the dark, and behind your back.”

“Tie them behind my back and in the dark? You’ve got to be kidding,” Tabitha exclaimed.

“Nope,” Isabella said.

“Before next week?” Tabitha asked, a sense of doom grabbing at her.

“No, silly, but sometime soon. I’ll help you.”

Eddie poked his head around the door. “You coming, Isabella? We’re going down to the Plaza for an exercise.”

“Okay. PJ will look after you, Tabitha. Here’s my locker key. I’ll see you next week,” Isabella said, handing over her key.

Tabitha stood at the door, beside PJ, and watched the trucks leave. Everyone looked excited and eager to participate.

“What are they going to do tonight?” she asked.

“They’re going to the local shopping center to build a flying fox from the upstairs car park,” PJ replied.

“Wow, that sounds like fun,” Tabitha said.

PJ smiled down at her. “Oh, they’ll have fun, but it is a serious training exercise.”

Tabitha stood silently beside this almost stranger. She felt she needed to say more. “PJ, thanks for letting me join, despite my past.”

“Your past is just that, Tabitha,” he replied.

“I would never do it again,” she murmured, shuffling her feet for a moment as she tried to master her emotions. “I know how much I hurt my parents and I scared myself. I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted the suffering to stop.”

“I wish I could offer an easy solution, young lady, but bullying seems to be one of those things only the perpetrator and the victim can resolve between them. I hope you find what you’re looking for here at the SES—confidence, self-esteem and lots to be proud of. With any luck, it might help you with your tormentor.”

“Yes, PJ, it just might. The new environment and people will also be good for me.”

“I agree. Now go home and give it all some thought,” PJ urged.

“Thanks, PJ. I will.”

“Okay, so we’ll see you next week,” he said as she headed for her car.

When Tabitha arrived home she sat in the car, gripping the steering wheel in a tight hold. Her whole body was tingling and buzzing. Oh my God, I actually did it. I did it. She gave herself a shake to dispel her sense of incredulity, climbed out of the car and snuck quietly inside.

“So, how did it go?” her mother asked as she passed the half-open door of the lounge.

Tabitha popped her head into the room. Her father carefully closed his book and her mother laid her knitting in her lap. They had been waiting for her return. Probably anxiously.

“Fantastic. I have about twenty knots to learn for Basic Rescue. They gave me a piece of twine to tie them with and I’ll get kitted out next week.”

“I see. Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Do you want a cuppa?” her mother asked.

“No thanks. I’m going to do some homework.”

“Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, Mom, Dad.”

Later, as she cuddled down in her bed, she couldn’t stop smiling. She had known from the tone of her mother’s voice she had not understood what Tabitha meant, but she had not wanted to explain—to put it into ordinary language—because using the language of the SES made her feel as though she belonged. She didn’t want to lose that feeling, for suddenly she could see a light at the end of the tunnel, small and a long way away, but it was there for the first time in a long time, and it was tinged just a little bit orange.

* * * *

She heard Alex pull up on Friday and opened the door before he got out of the car. He bounced up the steps, grabbed her arms and pulled her close to kiss her. She almost melted with the heat his touch generated. She had missed him so much.

“Ah, my beautiful Tabitha. I’m so glad to be back. How ya doing? Okay?” His question seemed casual but Tabitha could see the serious concern in his expression.

She smiled. “I’m doing okay, Alex,” she said quietly.

“Good, then let’s go to this movie.”

Tabitha knew then that Alex was not going to hound her about what had happened, that he was deliberately making an effort to move forward. For this she was grateful, and it made her love him even more.

When they had their tickets, Alex asked, “So, do you want popcorn for the movie?”

“Mmmm, I love popcorn,” Tabitha said.

They got a big bucket to share, a drink each, and made their way into the darkened cinema.

As they got settled, Alex turned to her in the semidarkness and said quietly, “Are you going to come back to college?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Alex. I don’t know if I can cope with her right now. Besides, Kayne has arranged for me to do the first half of the semester online. After that, I have to go back or drop out.”

“Don’t drop out, Tabitha. Don’t let her win.”

“She already has, Alex. If it wasn’t for you and Leo, I would be dead,” she muttered through tears that threatened to fall. “And Amelia would have had the ultimate victory.”

“Don’t worry about it, Tabitha. Let’s just watch the movie, there’s plenty of time to sort the rest out.”

As she settled back in her seat, Alex wrapped his arm around her shoulders and snuggled her close to him for a brief moment before he reached into the popcorn. The rattle of his raid on the bucket of popcorn was drowned out by the beginning of the film. The movie had been promoted on TV as a futuristic adventure and was filled with fantasy creatures, adventure, war and love. Tabitha became so absorbed she forgot, just for a moment, her nemesis and the incredible pain of the last few weeks. Unfortunately it all came flooding back as the lights went up, and she found herself looking warily around the cinema, just in case.

“Come on, Tabitha, time for a burger and fries.”

She followed him through the shopping center, still on guard, watching every corner as they passed.

In the McDonald’s, Alex guided her to a quiet corner before he went to collect their orders. Moments later he slid in opposite her and handed her a burger.

“So, did you enjoy the movie?” he asked.

“It was great. I loved Ammedian, he is soooo gorgeous.” Tabitha closed her eyes for a moment and sighed in appreciation of her hero.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Trust a girl to have a crush on the hero.”

Tabitha laughed. “And you didn’t think the heroine was beautiful, especially when she swam naked in the pool?”

He stared right back at her, grinned foolishly, then bit into his burger.

While she munched, Tabitha debated whether to tell him that she had decided to join the SES, not quite sure if she was ready to share it with anyone just yet. What if he laughed at her—or worse? He’d said he loved her, but she was reluctant to expose herself by trusting him with her moment of brash bravery. Besides, it wasn’t official just yet.

“So, how’s your garage and cars?” Alex asked. “Will the insurance pay your dad? I mean, his Corvette was immaculate and so amazeballs.”

“Yes, Dad had both cars well insured. Those volunteers in the State Emergency Service were amazing. They had the tree down in no time, and some of them were girls.”

“I’ve been thinking about joining myself. Just haven’t got round to it,” Alex admitted before he sipped his drink.

“What?” Tabitha nearly choked on her fries. She coughed and spluttered to dislodge the piece of potato.

Alex handed her drink over.

“Yeah, I should do it. So should you, Tabitha,” Alex said.

Tabitha looked up at him as she cleared her throat. “Well, actually, I went and had a look. I have the paperwork to sign up to volunteer with them—Wednesday night.”

Alex put his burger down. He stared at her for a long moment in stunned silence. Tabitha cringed away, suddenly terrified of what he might say.

Then he smiled. “Whoa! And you weren’t going to tell me?”

“I thought you might laugh, or think I was big-noting myself…”

His smile faded. He leaned forward in his chair until his nose nearly touched hers. “Now listen here, Miss Tabitha Cockell. I am your boyfriend, right?”

When she didn’t reply immediately, he frowned. But she didn’t quite know what to say. He had just formalized their relationship without consulting her and without hesitation. She felt a buzz of warmth race through her. Things were indeed okay between them.

“Right?” he asked again, in a tone that demanded an answer.

“Yes, Alex. You’re my boyfriend.”

He leaned toward her. “Well, boyfriends don’t laugh at their girlfriends or put them down. They laugh with each other, support each other and are amazed at what the woman they love has done to help herself through difficult times.”

“Are you amazed, Alex?” she asked.

“Yes, Tabitha, I am amazed… Totally blown away. After what you’ve been through, to have the guts to do that. Wow!” Alex was almost shouting.

“Well, I haven’t really done anything yet.”

“Yes, you have. You’ve taken the first step in getting your shit together. A big step,” he said and leaned over the table and planted a hard, fast kiss on her mouth. “I think orange will suit you.”