Chapter 88 Chapter 3: Nixie

Chapter 88 Chapter 3: Nixie
Nixie:

It’s been a week since Ivan and I started our dating scheme and to be honest? It’s pretty much chill and fun. We have been spotted in public thrice, at the football match, a Chinese restaurant and the shopping mall, in which we made sure Kaela was present at the time we walked in, but Ivan always made us leave early because of his rising social anxiety.

Aside from public dates, sometimes, I join him for breakfast in the library whenever Mira’s swamped with work. Elva and Anna think I am already becoming a nerd but honestly, hanging out with Ivan is starting to become my favourite thing of the week. Because of him, I now know at least all the nutritional disadvantages of chocolate and the benefits of vegetables.

“And that brings us to the end of the class.” The professor stacks her files together, staring at us through her sharp glasses. Professor McFadden is one of the strictest classes on campus, and I don’t think any student enjoys maths, the subject she teaches well, maybe except for Ivan, but I don’t attend any of his classes.

As I sit on my seat, I wonder how he behaves in class, does he push his glasses up whenever an equation seems to fluster him or does he keep his gaze focused on the Professor and not pay any attention to anybody?

Damn it. Snap yourself out of this, Nixie. These days, Ivan has been on my mind and I am starting to get scared, sure he’s a really sexy and kind guy that any girl can’t help but think about but then again, he’s off limits, he’s smitten for Kaela.

The professor keeps talking and the only part I manage to catch is. “Something came up and the math test you’re supposed to have in the next two weeks will be taking place tomorrow.”

There’s a string of grumbling from the students including me because let’s be honest here, I suck at maths.

“I know, I am sorry about that,” she doesn’t seem the least bit apologetic about it, if anything, she seems to be enjoying all of this. “You have to prepare twice as hard, pull an all-nighter, if need be , because this test covers at least sixty percent of your total grade for this term.”

Anna faces me and frowns, I frown back.

The electric bell goes off and everyone stumbles out of the classroom, still grumbling amongst themselves, I sling my backpack over my shoulders and jog to meet Elva and Anna, trying to force myself out of the classroom.

“Elva...” I say, breathing heavily as I join them in the hall. “You have to tutor Anna and I tonight, we can’t afford to fail maths.”

Elva makes a pity face, glancing at both Anna and I. Oh no, this does not sound good.

“I really wish I could but I already promised to tutor Alex all night, he’s going to write the test too.”

“That’s not fair!” I explode; mainly because I really can’t afford to fail this test and repeat the class while others move on to the next term. “We are your best-friends. Anna, defend me on this please.”

Anna stares at Elva with a pleading face. 

“Alex asked first, it will be fair if I tutor him first. Well, anyway. Anna is good at maths, she can tutor you.”

I stare at my newly found hope, Anna.

“Sorry,” she scrunches her brows and I feel all hope in me deflate. “I have to meet up with a study group.”

I am officially done for.....but then, I remember something. I literally have a boyfriend, well fake boyfriend, who’s in love with maths. Ivan can totally tutor me but will he be free? He says he’s rarely free, it’s either he is in the library doing research or he is at his math club, or helping out a professor.

It won’t hurt to send him a text and ask if he’s available, right?

I pull out my phone, bidding Elva and Anna goodbye. I click his contact and send him a text.

Me: Hey! I really need your help.

I wait for five minutes by the vending machine on the other side of the hall, tapping my feet impatiently against the floor; he replies three minutes later.

Ivan: Oh hello there, Nixie. How can I be of help?

Damn, he’s texting like he just stepped out of a historical fiction novel.

Me: So long story....We have a maths test tomorrow but Elva’s busy so she can’t tutor me and I really hate to disturb your perfectly organized schedule but is there a way you can tutor me even if it’s just for a few hours? Pretty please.

He sees the message but doesn’t respond, my heart starts beating in a way it’s out of my control. I bite my lips, feeling queasy. What if he doesn’t want to tutor me? Or what if he’s looking for a polite way to reject me? I am just about to delete the message when his reply comes in.

Ivan: I cleared my schedule, we can start now.

I stare at the screen in shock. Since the past week I have known Ivan, I notice he’s a strict follower of his schedule, everything goes according to the way he planned it and just by thinking that he cleared his schedule just to tutor me makes my heart leap in a funny way.

Me: Thank you so much, so where should we meet up? The library?

Ivan: I was thinking perhaps my dorm? Mira is out and I shouldn’t be expecting her for at least a couple of hours.

My face grows hot as I stare at the screen, seriously, I really do need to snap the fuck out of this. Ivan just happens to be a really nice guy, offering his busy time to tutor me for free. This doesn’t have anything to do with our fake dating relationship. I go to my dorm, hurriedly changing into black leggings and an oversized grey hoodie. Branching to the dining hall, I ordered two cups of instant noodles and apple juice.

With my backpack over my shoulders, I go to Ivan’s dorm. I knock on the door with my elbow, trying to balance the white nylon filled with food. The door creaks open shyly and Ivan stands in the doorway. His cheeks turn a shade of soft pink the moment he sees me.

“Oh hello.” He is always so painfully shy around anyone but there’s a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“Hey.” I say casually, easily sliding inside. I wave the nylon in the air, grinning. “I brought brain fuel. Instant noodles and apple juice.”

Ivan shuts the door behind me slowly; he’s wearing a navy sweatshirt and sweatpants and he looks way too damn good for someone who spends his whole day surrounded by textbooks.

He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off. “I know you’re going to launch into a speech about how unnatural it is but don’t spoil the fun.”

He throws his head back and laughs, his laughter is soft and simple, it does something to my stomach. This is getting bad, really bad.

“Ready to go through hours of boring maths with me?” I drop the bag on the table and sit on the chair, taking a look at Ivan and Mira’s room. It is pretty organized with a tall bookshelf hanging with books that I can’t even count.

“Maths is never boring.” Ivan adjusts his glasses as he clears his desk, pushing aside a ridiculous stack of textbooks and printed notes. The room smells like sandal wood and girl’s perfume (definitely Mira’s). And the room feels nerdy and warm, totally him.

“Shall we start?” Ivan asks and I nod. We crack open the notebooks and start going over some problems, though my brain can’t stop noticing how he keeps fiddling with his pen whenever our knees brush. He explains softly, his voice low and careful, like he’s afraid he will scare me off by being too much.

I am barely paying attention, which is really bad because I need to desperately pass this test. Still, I can’t stop looking at him.

Damn, he’s so freaking handsome. He notices me staring at him and his ears turn pink, what is with this guy and blushing? Though, anytime he blushes, my heart does this stupid leap, is it even allowed to do that?

“Are you uncomfortable? Do you want to go have a dip in the lake?” Ivan asks, his eyes flashing with absolute concern. I stare at him in shock and he hurriedly averts his eyes.

“Sorry....I....uh..made some research.” He says under his breath. “Since you’re part siren, part werewolf. Sometimes, you get really uncomfortable if you aren’t in contact with water, I am assuming that’s why I saw you that day?”

I nod slowly.

“Do you want to go for a dip? I am certain no one will be there, I will grab coats.” He attempts to stand but I grab his wrist and pull him back down to the chair. He stares at me, his face flushed.

He really has to stop being caring like this, my heart can’t take this.

“Stop it.” I whisper, my head banging.

“Stop what?” Ivan asks, raising his brows like he has no literal idea of what we are talking about.

I stare at the half solved equation in his notebook and frown. I gesture at him. “You’re brilliant, you are sweet. You make maths sound like poetry and you are just sitting there in your stupid sweatshirt and glasses being,-Goddess- so freaking cute and quiet and hot. And I can’t think straight.”

He opens his mouth to speak, completely shocked.

“I am trying to focus on these freaking equations and all I can think about is how your voice makes me feel safe and stupidly giddy at the same time. It’s infuriating.”

He blinks at me. “I don’t-I am not trying to-” 

He stares at me.

I stare back.

“I can’t think straight around you. But you are kind and gentle and really sexy in this quiet, slow-burning kind of way and I am starting to think it’s a really, really bad idea for us to be in the same room alone.”

“I want to kiss you so badly right now.” I admit honestly watching how he flushes the more. He doesn’t say a word so I take that as a yes; I stand up and sit on the edge of the desk so that I am facing him. 

“Can I have your first kiss?” I ask, blinking up at him. For a moment, I am scared he’s going to reject me since Kaela’s is in the picture, but then his hands grip my waist in place the same moment his lips meet mine.

Ivan Vexmore is a really damn good kisser, my fingers tangles in his hair as he deepens the kiss, I moan out loud straddling into his laps, Ivan inhales sharply, his hand sliding under the hem of my hoodie, his touch barely grazes my bare skin but it’s enough to make me moan out loud.

I remove his glass and drop them on the desk, admiring his beautiful eyes for a brief second before we start kissing again. This kiss feels so surreal, like the type of kiss that happens in movies, with Ivan, everything is just different.

I feel his chest rise and fall beneath mine, his heart pounding rapidly. I kiss the line of his jaw, slow and aching and he lets out a sound that makes heat pool between my legs.

Our foreheads touch as we kiss each other hungrily, like we both can’t get enough of each other.

I am in the moment of trying to remove his sweatpants when he grabs my hand, “Nixie.” He breathes out, staring at me with swollen lips. The signs of passion in his eyes seem to have completely disappeared.

“Why do you stop me?” I ask, trying to smile but it ends up being a frown.

“I can’t do this, Nixie.” He hangs his head low.

“But-” Everything in me deflates at that moment, “Why did you kiss me then?” I feel like an idiot as I ask. “Am I just a pass time to you?”

“No!” He hurriedly says but the answer is right there in his eyes. He likes Kaela Croft.

I can’t even move for a second, can’t breathe right. My hands, which were buried in his hair earlier, now dangle uselessly by my side.

He can’t even look at me. That hurts more than anything.

“You kissed me.” I say, voice shaking. “You touched me like.....”

Like I mean something to you.

I scramble off him, suddenly too aware of everything, of my half-peeled hoodie, of how loud I am breathing, of how stupid I must’ve looked.

My back hits the wall and I just stand there, arms wrapped around myself. I can hold everything in- the tears, the hurt, the shame.

He stands up from the chair, and looks up at me.

And I wish he didn’t because the guilt on his face makes it worse. Like he cares, like he feels this too. Like this isn’t a mistake to him.

It makes the hurt burn deeper.

“You don’t get to look at me like that.” I snap, blinking away the tears that are already starting to gather. “You don’t get to kiss me like I am your oxygen and then dump me like I am an equation you can’t solve.”

“Nixie-” he tries to speak but I wave my hand, signalling him to stop. I don’t think I can bear any of that right now. I swear, if he opens his mouth to say a word, I might actually burst into tears.

“Goddess, I feel like an idiot.” I say, wrapping my arms tighter around my body.

“You’re not.” Our eyes meet and this time, he doesn’t look away.

“Then why the hell do I feel like one?”

He doesn’t have an answer to that.

“Right.” My voice breaks, is this what heartbroken is called? It feels like someone whisked all the air out of my lungs and I can barely speak. I start shoving my textbooks and notebooks into my backpack, feeling his gaze burn into me.

I turn to leave, we can’t be in this room together, not while I am feeling so stupid. My hand lingers on the doorknob when he calls my name gently.

Nixie.” He says.

I stop, but I don’t turn to look at me. Mustering the courage, I say, without my voice cracking. “If you’re going to kiss me like that again....Don’t ever stop halfway.”

And with that, I walk out, slamming the door just to show him how much he hurts.