Chapter 89 Chapter 4: Nixie

Chapter 89 Chapter 4: Nixie
Nixie:

The best part about this whole heartbroken saga is that when I reached my dorm last night, I managed to pull an all-nighter, studying all by myself. The worst part is that Elva and Anna weren’t around so I had no one to vent to while I cried, the only thing I could do was cry alone in the dorm, my sobs only audible to the walls of my room. What a shitty way to get over a fake situation, am I right?

As for the test, I am pretty sure I am going to ace it because I successfully managed to master all the equations and applied the questions. To be honest, Professor McFadden went easy on us with the questions. As the students flood out of the classroom, some are grumbling on how the questions were hard. I might be heartbroken but I am not stupid.

Elva, Anna and I are in the dining hall, I order a bowl of crackers, silently munching on it.

Anna notices my moody facial expression because she asks. “Everything okay, Nixie? Do you need a dip in the lake?”

Elva stares at me in concern and the tears from yesterday threaten to burst out. I am so lucky to have these girls in my life, even when everything in my life is crashing down, they always got my back.

“No, I am not feeling uncomfortable as of the moment.” I say, frowning. “These days, I haven’t been going to the lake much.”

“Right. I think I might know why.” Elva says, making us concentrate. “Sirens have these really powerful hormones and they are less likely to feel uncomfortable if they are in love...well, the predictions might not be true though.”

I stare at her in shock.

Anna smiles, elbowing Elva. “Maybe it’s your prince charming, Ivan? Come on, everyone sees the way he looks at you in public,” she teases me.

“There’s speculation going around that you guys are dating. Everyone is talking about you and Ivan these days.”

The smile on my face washes away and my expression turns moody, it’s now or never. “I am not sure I want to fake date Ivan anymore.” As expected, they both explode into a series of never ending questions like ‘How?’ ‘When?’ ‘Why?’

“Yesterday, back in his dorm....we had a moment. You know, that kind of moment where you both stare at each other, the heat is there, the passion and desire is evident in both eyes. We kissed, we wanted to take it further and then he just stopped.” My voice breaks again, shame cowering over me.

“Oh darling.” Elva says and Anna squeezes my hand with affection.

“Did he mention why?” Anna asks.

“He made me feel like an idiot, guys.” I have never felt so dumb in my entire life before, for the first time in my life, I was stupid for a guy. “He likes Kaela, I mean, that’s the whole reason why we are fake dating in the first place, to catch her attention.”

“Did he call after what happened?” Elva frowns.

“A bunch of emails, texts and voice calls. I couldn’t bring myself to accept any of it.” I say, staring into my bowl of crackers. I stand up from the chair, aware of everyone’s gaze on me. “I want to take a stroll around the courtyard just to clear my head.” I go back to the dorm to change into simple clothes; I shove my phone into my pocket as I take a stroll around the courtyard.

Some students are busy running track, a bunch of jocks are practising football. The sun is already starting to set, casting an orange glow on the field. I find a nearby bench under a tree and sit down. I scroll through my brother’s details and ring him up.

“Hello?” he picks up immediately. “Nixie? Anything wrong? Is anyone troubling you?” I imagine my brother sitting up with a worried frown, the thought that he might be planning how to raid the academy if someone troubles me is quite funny.

“No, Dom.” I roll my eyes. “You don’t always have to kill anyone who troubles me, besides, this is the academy. It’s part of growing up.”

There’s silence on the other end which tells me he’s thinking.

“Alright then. But if anyone messes with you, it’s off with their head.” He says and I roll my eyes, squinting my eyes at the field. “So, how is the academy? Are you crushing on someone yet?” my elder brother says crushing like it’s a casual thing.

“No way!” I laugh, feeling the warmth starting to pool back. “I am not discussing my love life with an oldie like you!”

“Ha-ha.” His voice is void of any humour. “Are you doing okay, Nixie?” my brother switches his tone. It’s comforting to have people care for you, protect you, love you.

I blink away the tears, why am I getting so emotional these days? “I am okay, Dominic.” I sigh, tapping my feet against the ground. “How’s Gia?”

“She’s okay, she has been shopping for wallpapers these days oh and she is getting obsessed with apple pies.” There’s so much warmth in his voice as he talks about his Luna, who could have thought my cold hearted brother would go so soft over a woman? I want a love like that, I want someone to talk about me with that same tone my brother is using right now.

I want someone to look at me the same way Dom looks at Gia, it’s pretty pathetic but I want to feel all of that.

“If there’s anything on your mind, don’t hesitate to contact me, okay?” Dominic tells me and I feel sad that our conversation has ended already. My brother is a really busy man, he’s sacrificing a lot of his duties just by being on this phone call with me.

“Okay.” I firmly said. “How’s Red?”

“The lad is alright.” Dom chuckles as he talks about his best-friend (even though he likes to deny that Red isn’t his best-friend, everyone knows they are)

“What about mother?” To be honest, I miss my mom more than anything. I really didn’t know my father; he died before I knew anything. Well aside from the fact that I inherited my siren form from him. My mom and I are really close but sometimes, I feel like neither her nor Dominic gets me, like my siren form and my siren powers.

Sometimes, I wish my father was still alive, maybe he would understand the emotions that came with being a siren.

“She’s alright.” Dominic says. “Quit worrying about others and start worrying about yourself. You’re in the academy now; you have to focus on graduating.”

“I will.” I tell my brother, thinking about Ivan again. Shit. Why can’t I just stop thinking about him? Do I really love him as Elva says? 

“Goodbye, kiddo.” Dominic ends the call and once again, I am surrounded by loneliness.

Kaela’s eyes meet mine from across the field and she waves happily. I force myself to wave back.

Please don’t make her come over here. Please don’t...

Too late because she’s already running towards me, smiling so bright.

“Nixie!” She smiles so bright that I feel guilty of not wanting to talk to her.

“Kaela.” Her name sounds so foreign to my mouth. Without waiting, she sits next to me and we both stare at the field without saying a word.

A long, uncomfortable silence descends between us. 

I decide to break it. “How are studies going?” I don’t really know much about Kaela’s classes because we only have one class together and we don’t see each other much.

“Stressful.” She says, “But I am hoping to pass this term with all A’s.” She grins so brightly and I sigh, Kaela is so sweet and pretty, now I know why Ivan is smitten by her.

Normally, I am not usually opposed to relationships but just by seeing Kaela is making me turn into some bitter old witch. He likes her, why does he like her? It is just not fair.

“So....” Kaela starts toying with the hem of her sweater, even her voice sounds like an angel. “You and Ivan these days, quite the news.” I catch something strange in her voice, it’s longing. Fuck.

She likes Ivan too. Now, I get what she is trying to do. She is trying to fish for information from me.

“Yup.” I say, sighing. “We’re just hanging out, you know.”

“So you aren’t dating him?” There’s pure relief in her voice that makes me want to scream hard into my pillow.

“Nope.” I say. “Do you fancy him?”

“To be honest?” Kaela stares blankly into the sky but then she smiles. “I fancied him since the first day we bumped into each other, all my books came falling down and if it was some other asshole guy, they would have left, but not Ivan. He helped me pack my books and even volunteered to carry them for me. Ivan, he’s different, you know.”

Yes, he’s so freaking different from anybody, he is too kind and thoughtful.

“I was thinking perhaps I had a chance with him but then the whole school started talking about you both seen together and I thought maybe he was interested in you.” Kaela says softly. “There’s a way he looks at you, everybody on campus has seen it.”

Can everyone just stop with that bullshit? He doesn’t even like making eye contact.

“I doubt that.” I say, my heart suddenly pounding.

“It’s true.” Kaela says, “When you aren’t looking, there’s a way he looks at you, like you are a precious gem he can’t afford to lose. I don’t want to impose on whatever is going on between you two but even a fool can see the spark between you two. Everyone can see it because it’s so fucking evident.”

For a second, I want to believe everything that Kaela is saying but if it is true then why did he stop the kiss then? Everything is so confusing right now.

“Think about it.” Kaela pats my shoulder affectionately, offering me a comforting smile before going over to join her gang of friends who are waiting for her.

I don’t feel like returning to the dorm. I just want to clear my head for a bit, so I decide to head for the lake then. The North Lake is quiet like usual and this is the first time I am coming here in the evening, obviously no one will come looking for me here. I am taken back to our first encounter, of how he screamed like a baby and ran away, despite everything. It brings a smile to my lips.

“Nixie?” A familiar voice calls out to me and I turn to see Ivan standing there, wearing that apologetic expression.

“Ivan? What are you doing here?” I ask, feeling the cold wind rustle against my hair.

“You wouldn’t pick my calls and we don’t have any classes together. I tried checking you in your dorm but Elva said you weren’t around.” He blabbers on. “So I thought you might be here or want to come here, so I thought of waiting.”

“You were going to wait for me to come even if it took hours? What about your schedule?” I find myself scoffing.

“You matter to me.” Ivan says, he’s not wearing his glasses right now so I wonder if he can see clearly without it. “I am really sorry about yesterday, Nixie.”

“You don’t have to apologize about yesterday.” I say hardly, now I don’t even feel like swimming anymore. “I made my decision; I want to end this fake dating, relationship, bullshit whatever.”

He looks at me and there’s so much hurt in his eyes, it hurts me too but I can’t bear to look at him so I hurriedly avert my eyes. “I talked to Kaela, she’s interested in you. All you have to do is just ask her out, I kept my side of the deal, all you just have to do is keep mine.” I inhale sharply.

“Nixie.” Ivan says, but I nod my head, telling him to stop before he even begins. 

“Don’t you like Kaela anymore?” There is a little bit of hope that perhaps he might not like her anymore but who am I kidding? He can’t just magically fall in love with me. It’s so stupid of me to even assume that.

“Read my mind.” He finally says and I raise my brows. 

“What?”

“You’re a siren; you can read minds whenever you choose to, right? So then read my mind and know what I am thinking right now.” He says with determination.

I badly want to see what’s going on in his head right now, but I can’t reduce myself to that.

“If you can’t tell me yourself...then why bother in the first place?” I say, the hurt returning back in my voice. “I am sorry, Vexmore, but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. People like us, our paths never even cross. If it weren’t for you coming to the lake that day, we wouldn’t have even known each other, would we?” We belong in different lives, our personalities are the exact opposites so it was very foolish to assume that we could even make it work in the first place.

“Goodbye, Vexmore.” I say for the final time as I walk out on him. Again.

But the only difference is this is the last time we are ever going to see each other again.

\--

Ivan:

My shoulders sag as I step into my dorm. Mira is already standing in the doorway, looking at me expectantly.

“What happened? How did it go?” She bursts into a tsunami of questions, not even making me breathe.

“Horrible.” I choke out, sinking to the floor. My back leans on the wall. Mira joins me on the floor and she allows me to rest my head on her shoulders.

“I fucked up, Mira.” Even my voice comes out hoarse. “She wants nothing to do with me anymore.”

“Ivan?” Mira calls out my name slowly.

“Yes?” I say sadly.

“I have known you since we were little, you are ever so passionate about the little things in life like helping others, being considerate, being kind, being thoughtful and I have never seen you like this. But in life, we make decisions; do you like Kaela or Nixie?”

Now, I realize that I never even liked Kaela, I don’t even know her. But Nixie, I know her, she makes me laugh in this weird way, she makes my nerdy stuff look fun and whenever I am with her, I just feel this kind of happiness that I can’t quite explain.

“I like Nixie.” I say out loud. “Fuck it, I think I love her.”

“Oh goddess, Ivan Vexmore is finally using the f-word.” Mira claps, before getting serious. “Why don’t we go win back your queen then?”

“I would love that.” I say in determination because there’s something I know now. If you love someone, then you can’t afford to lose them.