Xander Pov
Miracle.
I never thought can happen in my fucked up life. Sometimes I used to think that I was born to feel one-sided desperation. One-sided feelings. One-sided care.
But indeed miracles happen. Like she happened. My beautiful wife happened to me.
The woman I didn't have the slightest idea of before now has become a part of my soul. Without her the only thing I could feel is emptiness. I wish I would have met her before. I wish I had looked at her more than just Mrs. Stone before.
But like people say. For everything, there is a fixed time. And it was the time fixed for us. For her to be mine solely.
Last night I opened my heart out in front of her. Telling her the darkest secret of mine. I expected her to lash at me. Be disgusted with me. Or worst left me.
But again miracle happens. She did exactly the opposite of what I thought. She comforted me. She held me closer. She made me feel something. Something that I was oblivious of feeling again.
After my father. Mia was the only person I ever get close to. She was beautiful. An angel in a human body. I fell for her or more like got extremely obsessed with her to the extent that I forgot myself.
I compromised on my desires. My self-respect. My wishes just for her happiness. The only thing I ever wanted from her was her sincere forgiveness. But that's what I thought. What I really wanted was.
Her. Her love. I wanted to be one and only for her. But I couldn't and I understood it the hard way.
Whenever I touched her I never felt like we were more than just a married couple. Every night I desperately waited for her to utter those magical words. Just for once.
But it never happened. And after her death, I accepted it as my fate. I wanted to spend my whole life with my son and with the memories of her.
But even after her death, she didn't fail to show how much I meant to her. But of course as a friend.
When I read the will I was beyond angry at her. The first thing that came to my mind was her distrust of me that I might not able to take good care of Alexander. As I wasn't his biological father.
But after reading the letter she left for me I realized many things. But the one thing that never failed to make me feel not worthy for that angel was her words in the last.
"Xander. You deserves far better than just a girl who gave you nothing except taking from you. You live in my heart Xander maybe not as a lover but your important to me more than anyone could be. Alexander is your son. Yours and mine. But I know you being you wouldn't try to move on. So I had no other option but to force you this way. Please, Xander. For the past 4 years, I have been living in this guilt of not able to love you. You deserve love. You deserve more than that. Please move on. Find a life. A life that I failed to give you.
Mia."
At first, I didn't take her words seriously. I only wanted to marry someone for Alex's custody and after a year I would have given a divorce to that woman because the girls I met only wanted my money or the title of Mrs. Storm. Or simply some favours in return.
I wasn't serious about this marriage thing but maybe she knew. She had faith that something indeed will happen. And here a miracle ended up happening in my life.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be able to see someone else with the same gaze I used to see Mia as. And that be the infamous Amelia Kale. The woman I didn't before give a single glance.
She became my wife. In not so good situation. But she eventually did. I don't know when how and why I started to get attracted towards her but I knew one thing I wanted her. And I didn't want to let her go.
The time I kissed her I realised how much I wanted, craved for her. Maybe it sounds cliche but I started feeling like I couldn't be able to live without her. She started becoming someone I didn't feel like living without anymore.
She may be not Alex's biological mother. But she's his angel. And a reason for me to live. A part of my heart. A part of my breathing. A living fibre of my body.
Maybe Mia was right. Life is all about moving on and on. If we kept on holding on to the past future will eventually be upset to show any good signs.
Even when I was married to Mia she always pushed me to try to move on but I was too much in love with her that all I could see. All I cared for is to be with her. To see her in front of my eyes all day.
Liam Stone. A stupid man. That's the only name I can give him. He had a gem in his palms without doing anything. She loved him beyond herself. A woman every man would die for.
And he just let her slip away from his grasp by making mistakes and mistakes. I know I did a mistake. No, I did sin. Yes, what I did to Mia was a sin for me.
I tried everything to earn her forgiveness but when I realised what I wanted from her was love, not just forgiveness. It was too late to stop myself from falling deeper.
But Liam's matter wasn't even near mine. There was no fault of Amelia for what happened to his sister. Even though she lied but in some way she reminded me of myself.
She was obsessed. She was. But there are always two sides of love in a human body. Obsession and Love. She loved him obsessively. But when she realized what that crazy love did to him she accepted her defeat.
Like I did.
I was punished beyond anything. I never got the love of the woman I call my first love. It was my punishment of not being loved by her. And I accepted it on the day I lost her for eternity.
I was going to force my love on her but I forgot that love is something that can't be forced. Even after all the bad things Maxim did to her. She loved him. And even after all of the redemption and love, I showered on her I got nothing except her unconditional care for me.
Wish. I wish I could go back in time and change what I did to her that night. Only if. Just only if I could stop myself then maybe my remorse would have been less than what I felt for years now.
I looked at the ring in my hand. It was Mia and my wedding ring. I removed it when I buried Mia with my own hands. When I vowed to not let a single tear out watching her memories.
But I failed. I failed every time I went to her grave. I failed every time I remember that dreadful night.
Maybe what I did became a fortune for Mia as she came to know Maxim's reality but it still doesn't justify what I did. It wasn't my place to do something I wasn't supposed to.
Maybe she would have forgiven Maxim. Maybe Maxim had accepted her and his baby instead of his family. Maybe he had done this and that. But all of these makes me believe that indeed it wasn't my place to do the things I did.
I sinned. And I can't change it. I redeemed it but my soul refused to accept the redemption.
Sighing heavily I instantly pushed the ring in the pocket of my coat that I was wearing. I heard the door crack and watched my beautiful miracle entering the room.
She smiled at me tightening the coat on her tiny figure. Even though she's a tall woman but she still looks so tiny in front of me comparing our body size and I love it.
I went to her and wrapped my arms around her slender shoulders pulling her in a tight hug. She did nothing except hug me back.
I was scared. I am scared. Extremely scared. I don't know how I will be able to hold myself back watching that grave that never failed to haunt me in my dreams.
"Don't worry Xander. Everything will be alright. I am with you. In your every step." I closed my eyes inhaling her addictive rosy scent.
I know she's with me in my every step but how could I tell her how much I am scared. Scared to face my first love's grave with my son. The same son I am ashamed to face without feeling guilty.
When I woke up Amelia and I had a long discussion and finally I gave up. She asked me to attend the death anniversary of my late wife with my son. After 3 years I am again going to her grave with Alex.
I hate to show my son how weak. How broken I am. I hate being weak in front of him but I just couldn't say no to Amelia when she told me how desperately Alexander wanted me to go with him.
She grabbed my hand giving it a slight tug and we went to our destination more like my ruination. Alex was happy to see me but I still could see how sad he was and why not. Today is his mother's death anniversary. The day he lost her. Forever.
Alex was the first one who went to her grave while I stood there froze stared at the beautiful grave with her name carved on the tomb.
Mia Storm.
Alex cried touching her grave while I walked towards him with my trembling legs. I felt everything blurry around me. The only thing I could do is to stare at the place where she was buried years ago. Where I buried her with my own hands.
My Mia. My one sided love. The woman I am a sinner of. The woman who never loved me.
I felt my legs giving up as soon as I reached the grave and fell beside my weeping son. He looked up only to find my teary eyes staring at him.
"Dad." I pulled him in my arms hugging him tightly as he did the same. We both burst out in heavy tears letting the whole world hear our agony.
"I am sorry son. I am sorry. I am really a bad father. I am sorry." He cried shaking his head pressing himself more in my embrace.
"No, dad. You're the best father. I love you so much." I smiled through my teary eyes hearing his words. How much proud I felt at that time.
I felt someone placing a soft hand on my shoulder and a presence beside me. Turning my head my bloodshot eyes met beautiful grey ones of my wife.
"It's fine. Just cry as much as you want. No one will ever judge you." I wrapped my one arm around her pulling her in my arms as well.
All of us remained in each other's arms. And as soon as I closed my eyes.
Smiling Mia came in front of me. Her eyes were telling me only one thing.
She's happy. Happy for the family I made. I Amelia and our son.
Pulling the ring out of my pocket I placed it on her grave covering it with the soil of her grave.
Yes. She was right. Sometimes moving on is better than holding on to something that was and can never be yours.
I accept it. I will move on Mia. I will.
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I wanted to show what Xander was feeling during the past chapters so here it is. Hope you like it.
It's a little emotional chapter but who's ready to have a Cold Harry inspecting Emotionless Xander. With frustrated Amelia.
Be ready for next soon.