Chapter 27

(Maggy)

IF I HOLD you in my arms you know, I’d never let you go. But this ain’t the time or place to get emotional…

“Turn off the damn thing, please!” Austin and I said to the driver who was now singing along with the song. He was startled by our loud voices and quickly turned off the radio.

I tried removing Austin’s hands on mine but he didn’t budge.

“Let me go,” I said, desperately trying to act indifferent.

“Ansel kept telling me that I’m allowing myself to be played by you. He was wrong, though,” Austin answered instead. He had dark circles under his eyes, too. “Because I’m just a nerd, Maggy, but I’m not stupid. No one could force me to do something I don’t want to. What happened to us was natural. We met, I got to know you, and I fell in love with you. You had amnesia and I had the chance to get to know you more. I fell in love with you more. Yes, you left. But that love kept growing in my heart.”

“Austin—”

“Can I ask a favor? Just for today?” he asked, looking so… wounded. “Can’t we just leave the past behind? We are different from our parents, Maggy. Their story was in the past. Ours is in the present. We love each other, how many times do I need to remind you of that? Can’t we just forget everything for once in our lives and just fight for our love?”

“Austin,” I whispered in agony. “I would love to do that, too. And I would love to wake up with amnesia again. It doesn’t matter if I no longer recognize myself. I just want to be free of this whole mess so I can be with you again.” When Austin finally released my hands, I stroked his cheeks. I missed doing this. I missed him so much. “But my heart is in so much pain. My heart and soul are still stuck somewhere in the past.

“It already hurts that I wasn’t able to give my parents justice. And to stay with you… would hurt so much more. Being with you would only make me remember what my parents went through, what my sister and I went through. I would just end up hurting you more and I don’t want that to happen.” My eyes brimmed with tears. “Do you now understand why we can’t be together?”

“A little.” Austin avoided my eyes for a moment. “But I will still stay here… until my heart can finally take everything in.” He laughed but it sounded so lifeless. “Can I ask you one last thing, though?”

“Sure.”

“If McClennan didn’t happen to be my surname, would you have given me a chance? Would you have… fought for me?”

“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “I would have fought for you with all my heart.”

Austin looked at me and this time, he gave me a faint smile. “Thank you. That was more than enough for me.”

“WOW! You were only gone for a month. And now you’re saying that you’re getting married and that you’re pregnant? That was… fast!” I told Radha.

She came to my office this afternoon and asked me to hang out with her for a while. And because I’ve already finished my task for the day, I went with her. Radha had been my sidekick for years. But we haven’t been able to talk lately.

Radha was blooming unlike before when she went to pick me up with Yalena at the McClennan residence. She was filled with so much guilt back then over what happened to me. Even if Lester was back to prison, she still kept blaming herself. And now I’m just glad she looked better.

Before Radha went back to the Philippines, she made sure that she was done with all the research I’d assigned her. And today, she was saying that she wanted to quit working for a while so she could focus on the family she’s about to build with the man who captured her heart in Manila. She had gone through a lot.

I know I was not supposed to feel envious, but I just couldn’t help it. I quickly tried to shove the negative thoughts away.

“So, who’s the lucky guy?” I asked while Radha was driving.

“It’s Baron, Ma’am. I met him because of you.” She glanced at me and flashed her sweetest smile. Even her eyes were glowing. “He’s the owner of the bar where you and Sir Austin first met. Baron asked me for a date in exchange of giving me the information I needed at that time.” She laughed. “I owe my happiness to you, Ma’am. If you didn’t take me in before, if you didn’t help me that night, and if you didn’t give me a job, my life wouldn’t have changed. I wouldn’t have been where I am now. I wouldn’t have been this happy.”

I was taken aback. What was I supposed to say at times like this? How should someone as miserable as me respond to other people’s happy remarks about their lives?

“And now, I want to return the favor, Ma’am. I also want you to be happy.” I heard Radha sigh when I remained quiet. “Let’s step out for now, Ma’am. I want to show you something.”

I flinched. I wasn’t even aware that she had stopped driving and had already parked the car somewhere. We went out of the car. I was surprised when I saw that we’re heading towards the church. My whole body went stiff. I’ve turned my back to God before and now I was standing in front of His territory.

I bit my lower lip. Can I make it inside without burning?

“Let’s head inside, Ma’am.” I broke out in cold sweat when Radha suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. “This is where I want to have my wedding,” she added in a dreamy voice. “And this is where I want to properly talk to you.”

Apart from us, there was no one else inside the church.

“Let’s just sit here,” I told her in a meek voice before I sat on the last row.

All of a sudden, I feel like hearing my Mom’s voice…

“Maggy, wake up. We’ll be late for the mass,” I remembered my Mom telling me every Sunday morning before. “Come on, honey. Get up. You can just sleep later.”

I pretended I didn’t hear anything and covered my face with a blanket. I’m still sleepy. I’ve stayed up late at night chatting with Clarice over the phone. Yalena went to bed early that’s why I called Clarice instead. And before I knew it, it was already twelve midnight.

“Our Lord God sacrificed and died for us, Maggy. The least we could do is—”

“I know, I know.” I tried to stand up even if my head still aches. “The least we could do is to serve Him, spread His words, and live for Him.” That’s my Mom’s usual line that’s why Yalena and I have memorized it as years go by.

“That’s my girl.” Mommy’s smile widened. She went to the closet to pick a dress for me. “Just like what your Dad and I always tell you, you should not get tired of praying, of living for Him, and of holding on to His promises. Because His plans are always better than us, honey. Everything that happens to us is all a part of His beautiful plan.”

I yawned while stretching. “Then how about the people who died because of the storm or the people who died from the war? What about the ones who lost important people in their lives?”

My twin and I watched the news about the growing number of people who died because of the typhoon. There was also an ongoing war somewhere in Mindanao. I’ve heard there were soldiers who died from it. “Is hurting people by taking away the love of their lives a part of God’s plan as well? But I thought He wanted to protect His children? Is He just power tripping or something?”

“Maggy! Don’t say that! If people are destined to die, no matter what they do, no matter where they hide, and no matter how they take care of themselves, they will still die when it’s their time to die. I guess that just means that their mission or purpose in this world was already finished. God protects His children, Maggy, that’s the reason why we are still alive until today.”

Mom stepped closer to me and stared at my face. “Always remember this, princess. Everything that happens to us has a reason. So if something happens, we should always try to figure His reasons first instead of abandoning Him the moment the storm strikes.”

I did not get to say something to her at that time. I was not sure what to say. And I don’t know what to think now that I’ve experienced the ‘storm’ Mom used to talk about. If everything has a reason just like what she told me, then what could be the reason for the storms my family went through?

I stared at the image of Christ in front of me. What do You want me to realize? What was that storm all about?

Radha disrupted my thoughts when she spoke.

“Ma’am Clarice asked me to give you these.”

I was shocked when I saw my family photo albums. Their covers had already faded. Dad almost lost his life just for those albums. My heart was suddenly filled with emotions I could not explain, especially when I touched them.

“Those albums were recovered in your car the day you had an accident. Ma’am Clarice kept them and gave them to me when I went back to Manila last week to meet Baron’s family.”

“If I didn’t save the pictures, we’d only be left with memories. And even memories fade. Besides, I want you and your sister to have them. I want you to remember our happy and solid moments together. Should something happen to me and your Mom, I want you and Yalena to look at these albums so both of you will always remember how much we love each other. Live your life to the fullest. That’s your Mom’s wish for you and your sister. Be happy and stay as you are. Hold onto God and remember to keep your hope and faith intact at all times.”

I froze when I suddenly remembered Dad’s words as if I only heard them yesterday.

Why… why do I have to remember all of those memories now?

“I must admit I didn’t know how I would react when I first heard about your revenge plan against the McClennans. Honestly, I don’t believe in revenge. I don’t believe we can find success or gain something from it. But you were so determined to do it and so I shut my mouth. What could I do, anyway? Because of the plan, you were motivated to work harder every single day and that was good. But, Ma’am, didn’t you ever stop to wonder for a moment? If you went on with your plan, if you succeeded in destroying Benedict and his family, wouldn’t you end up becoming like him, too?”

“You don’t understand, Radha.”

“Come on. It was as simple as one plus one, Ma’am. If Benedict dies, then you’ll get even. But what will happen afterwards? You will become a murderer. You will become exactly like the man you hated the most. But God is good, Ma’am.” Radha smiled. “God made you fall in love, eventually stopping the plan, stopping you from getting blood on your hands. You know what I think? I think you didn’t love Sir Noah enough that’s why he wasn’t able to stop you from going to the Philippines, unlike Sir Austin, the man you obviously love and the man who loves you just as much.”

Radha held my hands. “You had a difficult life and nobody would ever question you for the things you did. You were fighting for your parents but they’ve been gone for so long. They’ve already found peace in the Kingdom of God. You once said that for you, your parents were the greatest parents in the world.”

“I don’t understand your point.”

“My point is that your parents love you and they want what’s the best for you that’s why they would certainly want you and your sister to move on and be happy. I’m sure they would want you to love and be loved. And I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if it’s Sir Austin as long as he loves you. Because Sir Austin is different from his father.”