Chapter 66 - You'd Better Stay Away From Me - mduno
He crossed his arms, I couldn't yell at my old lady like I did with other people.
"According to Mr. God."
"Don't bring God into this!"
She scolded me. I still don't understand how people have so much faith in Him. Although I did witness a miracle after making the promise. Besides, I know what I felt, that couldn't be denied.
"The only one to blame for what's happening to you is yourself. Leave Him out of it." She looked at me and scolded, like I suppose mothers do. "And take responsibility for your decisions, young man! If you love her so much, why did you let her go? Why didn't you tell her that that harpy came to tell you she didn't care about your girlfriend, that she practically threw herself at you to be your lover? What dignified and respectable woman lowers herself like that?"
Her hands danced from side to side. Her dark complexion shone even more from the anger she felt towards me.
"For the first time, you are what I've always wanted. Veronica is your life, son."
"I can't touch her anymore," I said, standing up and heading for the door.
"What do you mean you can't touch her?"
"Ines, I'm just telling you, I know your divine being, Mr. God gave her back to me, and I must not touch her."
"I don't want you to be the same as before," she whispered. I smiled.
"Don't worry, from now on I must follow the commandments."
"What?"
I made a face; I wanted to cry so badly. That's what I really needed. I won't do it here.
"In this life, I won't be with her again," I said. "I must earn merits to see if He up there forgives me for all the harm I've caused, for the lives I've taken, and wait for the forgiveness that all believers talk about. I hope to be accepted into His kingdom, where I will surely find Veronica and be able to love her in heaven."
My old lady stood there with her mouth open, wiping away tears.
"Son, what happened to you?" she smiled. "Since you came back from the clinic, you've changed, but I never thought it was your being. You don't know how happy I am to hear you believe in God our Lord."
"I'm still arguing with Him, I don't agree with millions of things, but He gave me back my Life."
"Let me give you some advice," she said, still standing by the door. "You don't have to understand God. Just love Him."
"I want to be alone."
"I'm leaving," she lowered her gaze.
"No... I'm the one who's leaving."
I grabbed the car keys, Rata came out of the office when he saw me coming down the stairs. I don't know how he managed to have so many eyes; that was one of his greatest qualities.
"I asked you for a day of solitude, Rata. Don't follow me, don't look for me, just call me when you know where Veronica is."
I drove around the city and ended up at my girlfriend's apartment. I needed to get out what I had inside, I didn't want to feel that suffocating sensation. I locked myself in the apartment and spent hours in bed. I covered my eyes with my arm while a couple of tears rolled down each side and disappeared into the pillow.
This love shit hurts! Thousands of memories with her came flooding back. The morning of our first kiss, the anger when I thought her brother was her boyfriend, the afternoon I heard her first moan, the countless times she blushed from any new touch. How I wish to make her mine! I grabbed my phone and dialed her number, maybe I'd already gone crazy. I let it go to voicemail.
Knowing that you won't be with me anymore is killing me, Beautiful. I'm leaving this message more as therapy. Nothing happened with Beatriz, I didn't even kiss her and you know I never will. She made a proposal and, like Ines said today, she lacks the dignity that you have in abundance, my love. She tried to kiss me, I pulled away, but she left the kiss on my neck, that's what you saw.
Even though it hurts, Veronica, it's better for you to stay away from me. I can't touch you, I can't make you mine, maybe you'll believe me because of your closeness to Mr. God and because you are unwavering in your faith. I never saw you miss a mass. And until the accident, I didn't understand you.
Rata doesn't believe me... but an angel appeared to me when you were in a coma, gave me a reinforced catechism lesson. One of those that don't mention verses or chapters and, from my point of view, is the most succinct in the world.
Even so, his way of teaching me to believe was with real-life cases, telling me miracle stories. In short, Life, he made me understand that Mr. God is not in a temple or church. We find Him in the small things, in the simple acts of greatness.
"I understand, you go to a temple to talk to Him for the serenity found in those places... I got off track from the reason I called you. The angel said, if I gave up what I loved most, what I desired most, he would fulfill my wish, more or less. And my wish was to see you alive.
You are what I love most, Verónica, the only important thing in my existence. And I don't know if you'll ever hear this message. I love you, I love you, I love you, my life. Verónica, I made an offering, giving up what I want most, and to my shame, I desire your body more than anything in the world, apart from being the only pure thing in my wretched life. The only thing I can offer… Because the rest, I'm just a piece of crap.
I ended the call. Confessing allowed me to fall asleep, finally, the exhaustion won. In the early morning, I woke up feeling hungry. Letting it out helped a bit and the agony I had in my throat dissipated a little. I made a chocolate drink and took out some bread. I got to the table, Verónica's phone was vibrating, indicating she had messages. I picked it up and saw she had five missed calls from Raúl, which means she wasn't with her best friend.
It was only two in the morning. I went upstairs with her phone, plugged it in to charge. I fell asleep once again and woke up at six in the morning. I have nothing else to do but continue with my life. Go back to being the same and I had very important things to do...
"Boss, everything is ready."
It seemed unbelievable, fifteen days had passed without seeing Verónica. I was going crazy, it wasn't enough to leave her messages giving her a report of my daily itinerary— "Boss..."
"I'm coming, Rata!"
I sighed, closed the laptop, working on a farm, I bought some land in the United States.
"They're waiting for us."
"Alright. I've been thinking about the Cárdenas situation and I need to put an end to it."
The second in command continued with that sour look. For him, this new Roland was different, to the point that last Sunday I went back to church after twenty-one years of not going. We got into the SUVs, I had to get into the role of the damn boss.
The meeting with the Cárdenas had been postponed for different reasons. I know they betrayed us, they wanted to take over, and until the game changes, I'll continue being the boss of bosses.
After a couple of hours, I got out of the car, four more SUVs with my people arrived with me. In the room, those who survived and the new members of the organization, those who were still in the ranks, were already waiting. They bowed their heads when they saw me. I looked at each one, I'm still the leader.
"Thank you, gentlemen, for coming."
I greeted them, serious. With my typical expression of a man without feelings.
"You were taking your time, Boss," Rosember commented, and I half-smiled.
"But here I am."
"And where are those rats?"
He was an old man, very fat, with a patchy bald head.
"Watch how you speak." My friend intervened, and the others laughed.
"You're right, Rata, those are scumbags," another one said.
"I want to put a bullet in those cockroaches!"
"Gentlemen, let me talk to them first. You know I have my methods, I need to know to what extent they betrayed us. I think a month of just water and bread for guys who consider food sacred has softened them up."
I turned halfway towards the dungeon beneath the stables. I couldn't think of anything else to punish them, I promised not to kill again, I won't be the one to do it. I want them to look me in the eyes. I walked towards the hidden dungeons, placed my fingerprint, only mine, Rata's, and the estate's butler's were registered, no one else entered.
"Well, well, well," said the eldest Cárdenas brother. "You finally decided to show up, white feather."
It was pleasant to detect the fear in them for being the Boss, I took a chair, sat with the backrest facing them, and smiled. They have indeed lost weight.
"I'm glad to see you've kept in shape."
Now I realize how far I can go, I've managed to master my ability to instill fear.
"Stop playing, Roland, kill us already." I shook my head.
"What manners! I give you shelter, food, you're still alive and you complain?"
I smiled, I won't kill them, but I enjoy playing the role of the madman, their eyes showed that subtle change from anger to fear, since I was very young I discovered human psychology, there was nothing more gratifying for my position in the organization than instilling fear. With each of my psychopathic movements with a face of "which part of the body do I start with?"
"What do you want from us?"