194 - Carrot Cake
194 - Carrot Cake
The best way to keep my father focused and on track is to dangle a carrot cake in front of him. - Charlotte
“Can I hear about her sex life, too?” Memaw demanded. Although she was oblivious to the tension and sorrow that surrounded her, her excitement over Murphy’s sex life dissipated the heavy air. The light drizzle tapered off, and a few rays of sunlight peaked through the clouds above.
Turning, Geo buried his face in Denver’s shoulder as he laughed. Lifting his head, he asked, “Are you guys sure that you want to join that family?”
“Hell, yeah,” Priscilla grinned. “She has some great books.”
“Your grandmother reads about a woman getting banged by dragons in a dream world,” Denver pointed out.
“I haven’t read that one yet,” Priscilla mused.
“Meanwhile, my sister is writing songs about dropping chandeliers on a cheating lover.” Denver shrugged, “I can outrun your Memaw and her imaginary dragons.” Turning to sign that he loved his sister, he added, “I can’t outrun a top ten hit.”
“I’m here for it,” Porthos assured his husband. “Besides, your Memaw thinks that I have a nice ass.”
“You do have a nice ass,” Trigg confirmed causing everyone that heard to focus on him. “What? I have a wife, six daughters, four daughters-in-law, and a clubhouse full of bunnies, babes, and bitches. I’ve heard them rate every man in this club.” He cast his eyes to Alana.
“I might be past my prime, but I’m not too old to ride.”
“Mother!” Werewolf called out as Sid gave Alana a high five.
“Boy, I could barely drive when I had you, I am not that old.”
“Again,” Aramis said, motioning between Alana and Priscilla surrounded by her men, “their vows or her sex life?”
“No,” Darkness told the fellow groomsman, “you need a different tactic with that one. Trigg, I have a few encouraging words for you.”
He looked at his son-in-law, “I don’t know. I might learn something new about Alana’s sex life.”
“Chocolate mint, Italian cream, strawberry shortcake, and, because she loves her purple, blackberry lavender.”
“Those are some very encouraging words.” Turning back to the foursome in front of him, he asked, “Who’s going first with the vows?”
“Aren’t we skipping a few things?” Priscilla asked.
“Fine….” He replied dramatically. “Do you promise all those things to all four of them?”
“What things, exactly?” Priscilla grinned. “I need to know exactly what I’m agreeing to.”
Rolling his eyes, Trigg told her, “You know the standards; love no matter what, tolerate through the bad times, sickness, health, man flu, you got to manage the money because these assholes will buy stupid shit like a pirate ship for your backyard.”
“What’s wrong with the pirate ship?” all the fathers asked.
“Nothing!” Trigg admitted. “I like it too! But I also know how much you paid for it.”
“I don’t,” Priscilla admitted.
“And let’s keep it that way,” he advised as he tugged at his shirt collar. “So, do you agree?”
“Yes,” she said laughing.
“Speed round,” Trigg smiled. “Geo, do you all those things and anything else she comes up with to her and those two?”
“Yes,” he chuckled. “Sadly, I understood that sentence even though it made no sense.”
“Try being married to him!” Sid yelled.
“You’ll have to check with my wife and husbands, but I’m good for a weekend fling.”
Sid roared with laughter and her husband glared at her. As she continued to laugh, he pulled a small box out of his inside cut pocket and removed a joint. Making sure that she saw it, he grinned at her until she quit laughing.
“Porthos?”
“Yes, all the things.”
“Denver?”
“Yes.”
“All right, now can we move to the vows?” Trigg made a motion with his hand to indicate his sudden impatience.
“I’m going last,” Priscilla declared.
“Okay, so, ladies last. Which one of you fuckers is going first?”
“I will,” Porthos said as he shifted to look at Priscilla and the other two men. Smiling at her, he lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. “I moved into the Shack because I aged out of the system. Celt brought me over and introduced me to that jerk,” using his thumb, he pointed at Aramis and Athos over his shoulder. “Who introduced me to that asshole.”
Behind him, the two friends slapped hands in a complicated celebratory high-five.
“And they introduced me to a girl that became the center of my world.” He smiled at the other two men standing with him and Priscilla, “Our world. Until you gave us the rest of the pieces of our hearts.”
Brushing away a tear with his thumb, Porthos caressed her cheek, “You were one of the first to know that I was bi. Even after learning that, you didn’t treat me any differently, and you didn’t tell my secret. You helped me to hook up, even before the four of us became a thing.”
He winked at his husband, “Sorry, babe.”
“We got you now, Sweet Thing,” Geo said using the nickname that Porthos had been given when they were still sneaking around.
“Besides,” Denver added, “you learned some nice little tricks.”
“I love you guys,” Aramis declared. “I really do. But I would much rather hear about Alana’s sex life than yours. And to be honest, I really do not want to hear about her sex life. Like, at all.”
“Yeah, me neither,” Athos agreed. “I can just imagine that it’s kind of like Evie’s but with a revolving door instead of just two guys.”
“My mother does not have a revolving door,” Chance declared.
“Thank you!” Alana declared. “You’re now my favorite child.”
“But that’s only because the H O A won’t allow it,” he finished.
“Look here, asshole!” she said turning around to look at her youngest child.
“I lived with you during my slut phase,” Chance grinned as he placed his arm around his wife’s shoulders and pulled her close to press a kiss to the top of her head. “I checked the H O A rules.”
“He probably did,” Celt, his best friend and his only sister’s husband, agreed. “I accused him of having a timer on his bed.”
Aramis sighed, “Once again…”
“You started it this time,” Trigg pointed out. “I don’t want to hear anything out of you.”
“Carrot cake,” Camille said to her father.
“Moving along,” he replied, making a motion with his hand for Porthos to keep going. “You got anything else you want to say to her or your other two partners?”
“That’s all you have to do with him?” Porthos asked Camille. “Mention cake?”
“Yeah,” she nodded and shrugged, “or my mom’s-“
“We don’t need to go there,” Werewolf declared.
“He has a point,” Athos agreed.
Porthos laughed, “At least we’re not joining that family.”
“Shut up, asshole,” Camille told her friend.
Porthos told Geo, “I love you. I love the fact that you didn’t force me out of the closet. Instead, you stood guard outside it and let me know when it was safe to come out.” He looked at Denver and smiled. “I love you because you kept me company in the closet.”