Chapter 62 This is bad.

Chapter 62 This is bad.
Laramie:

I'm not sure which one of us was more shocked by my words, Noah or me.

Whatever else Noah wanted to say disappeared into the air between us. He took a step back from me as if someone had just punched him in the gut. At the same time, my mind began to race at a dizzying pace.

I loved Ethan.

I... loved... Ethan.

Those three words kept going around and around in my head, leaving no room for anything else.

When?

How long?

How have I not realized it until now?

And even after everything that happened last night - after what Ethan did to me, how he treated me. I still loved him.

But I suppose that love doesn't just go away because we're angry or upset with the person that we love. Love is difficult and strange in that way.

And perhaps, I'd known it for quite some time, I just never allowed myself to admit it because it was too soon.

"And because it isn't right." A faint voice whispered all the way in the back of my mind.

It isn't right - me loving Ethan, me being with him.

But why not?

Because he's older than me?

Because he's my English professor?

Age is just a number, and he won't be my professor forever. In a couple of years, I'll be graduating from college, and all of this will seem like nothing more than a distant memory. No one will even remember that I used to be his student, and none of this will even matter.

"Have you forgotten about what he did to you, Laramie?" That same little voice pestered.

An icy chill crept its way down my spine and settled in the pit of my stomach making it turn violently as images of Ethan's hand wrapped around my throat found their way into my mind once again. I visibly shuddered.

"And what about Noah?" The little voice nagged.

Noah...

What about Noah?

I looked at Noah, really looked at him, and my mind stilled. The flush of angry colour from only moments before had drained from his face completely, leaving him pale and stricken. His mouth was drawn into a thin straight line, his jaw was tight, and something that looked a lot like sorrow flashed behind his eyes.

Those kind, ever-observant eyes.

"Noah..." I breathed, taking a step toward him.

He took another step away from me. It felt like my chest was caving in on itself.

Oh, I... uh..." He cleared his throat. "I didn't realize, Laramie." His voice faltered slightly.

Tears burned behind my eyes as I racked my brain trying to come up with the right thing to say, but I simply couldn't.

Nothing seemed appropriate. There was no way for me to explain something to Noah that I barely even understood myself. There was nothing I could say that would wipe away the pained look on his face. I couldn't make this better for him... and I hated it so much.

"This changes things." He said, dragging both hands through his hair. The look of sorrow in his eyes was replaced by a look of pure bewilderment.

My chest ached. I took another step toward him, reaching out a hand to touch his arm, but I stopped dead when I saw the look he gave me then, and I let my hand fall limply to my side.

Noah looked at me with so much anger in his eyes, so much that if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that he hated me for what I had just admitted.

Noah threw up his hands and then waved them at me in a dismissive manner before turning on his heel and storming off. I watched him disappear through the thicket of low hanging branches for a split-second before I hurried after him.

"Noah! Please, wait?"

I burst through the branches into the crowd of students standing around on the quad, and I froze. They all turned to stare at me with curious eyes. Noah was already gone; I couldn't find him in the crowd. I began to shrink into myself as I felt their eyes tearing into me - wondering what had happened behind those branches, wondering if it had something to do with the argument they witnessed in front of Ethan's classroom.

I dipped my head and hurriedly wrapped my scarf around my neck again, silently praying that none of them noticed the ugly bruises there. I walked away as quickly as I could without looking as panicked as I felt: my heart was racing so fast that it was difficult for me to take a breath. I could feel little droplets of sweat running down my back, and my hands were trembling uncontrollably.

I had to find Ethan.

I had to tell him... warn him.

Noah knows...

He knows everything and I have no idea what he plans to do with what he knows.

Before he stormed off - before I blurted out that I loved Ethan, he was ready to go to his mother and tell her everything. I tried to convince him not to. I begged him to promise me that he wouldn't, but he never did.

He looked so angry, so hurt when he walked away from me - I had absolutely no idea what he would do next, and it terrified me.

I had to warn Ethan. He deserved to know that he might lose his job - that the Dean's son knows everything about us... every dirty little thing.

Sure, I was still angry at Ethan for putting his hands on me, and I still hated him for it, but he still deserves to know. I walked into this relationship with open eyes and it's my fault that Noah knows.

I should have handled the situation with Zoey better and I should have lied more convincingly when Noah asked me about it.

I was just so angry, so upset, and quite frankly hurt when I saw that Ethan had cancelled his class for the day. I wanted to face him - I wanted to show him that I was still holding my head high and that I wasn't going to hide from him after what he did.

But instead, he hid away from me - too much of a coward to look me in the eye and face what he had done.

But still...

He deserved to know.

And after I warned him about Noah, I would end things with him just like I promised Noah that I would.