I called Rayden "baby," but all he did was stare at me blankly and tell me that their father would be leaving too since he has another family that accepts him. How could I explain to him that their father wanted to be with them too? I can tell by looking at him that he wants to embrace his father, but the knowledge that their father has another family breaks his heart.
I held his hand as he caressed my face and murmured, "You are enough, Mom." His assurance voice fills my heart, his love for me is indeed authentic. "We wish to see him but not to be connected to him. That's enough,”
All his words broke my heart and at the same time, it made me feel more sentimental. How could this kid of mine comprehend anything at all? Having a brilliant child might be daunting. All I want is for him to eat and play—instead of reading—and that occasionally he asks the questions and provides the answers. This kid doesn't want certain simple things; he wants his brain to suffer until his nose bleeds, therefore I guess he'll become a lawyer or an astronaut in the future.
"Mom, he has a family that he is taking care of, so we can't be attached to him. He'll choose his family over us; we were just a mistake after all.” I held his shoulders and made him turn my way.
"Rayden!" I raised my voice to him. "You two were never a mistake! Raven and I just weren't meant to be; that's why he has another family now!" I hate it when he thinks about that. What does he know about such things? He was about to speak when Hiro suddenly interrupted us.
"Rayden, come here, let's blow your cake!" Hiro called him. Hiro wanted to blow out the candles with my two kids. This is the day when we decided to celebrate Hiro's birthday. Good thing Hiro agreed that it would be a simple celebration for now because we're not still safe. I saw how Raven was too excited to see Rayden come over them yet the kid just passed him and went to Hiro. "Okay, one, two, three, four! Let's blow out my candle!" Hiro shouted, and the three of them blew the cake while we were singing the birthday song and clapping our hands.
Red was too close to his dad because he thinks they look alike, which is not true as he inherited his visuals from me yet he insisted on it over and over again that he looks like Raven. Luckily, I wasn't Hiro, who would never stop bugging the infant.
Even though Rayden was the only one who resembled their father, his brother hesitantly nodded when he asked, "Do I look like dad, Rayden?" Since Rayden was just too lazy to argue with his brother, he just let him.
Raven went near me when everyone was busy. He dragged me somewhere and muttered, "Where's the other man?" and I knitted my brow at hearing those questions directed at him.
I raised my brow at him, "What man? Hiro has been the only one with us since then," but he narrowed his eyes at me, so I gave him a slight slap on his face. How can he have the right to accuse me? "And if ever that has, what right do you have, huh?" I didn't bring up the fact that he was married to Lethia when I traveled to Chicago, and I was fvcking so sure that he had a meeting when he said farewell to me, but in reality, he and Lethia were on vacation. My tongue detects a bitter taste.
Just by how Lethia cared for him that day, for sure there is something between them and if not. Then maybe to Chin?
"Really?" Suddenly I see a spark in his eyes, which I completely ignore.
"Believe it or not, that's up to you!" I hissed and went to the children playing in the back. Well, we invited some kids to join us because that's what we're used to in Chicago when one of us had a birthday. Random kids would go to our house and eat to celebrate any of our birthdays.
We are enjoying ourselves with them. When everyone was cheering, Raven who was next to me was too clingy, which was my only issue. If I can acquire a seat I would get lost from his touch, what if someone can meet him right here, behind me? What would they comment then?
I mumbled, "Get lost," but the man persisted in saying he was just behind me. I try not to say anything, even though I want to chastise him.
"Mommy, Daddy," Red called us and put himself in the middle of us. The children screamed, and I wasn't expecting what Red did to us. "Hold Mom's waist, Dad, and Mom, hold Dad's nape!" He ordered us, and I felt like I was hypnotized because I did what the kid ordered.
Shit! My heart was fvcking beating so loudly that I was afraid the man might hear it any second now. I tried to distance myself from him, but he only brought our bodies closer together. The kids are cheering us on, and some kids are dancing like us. My cheek is getting hotter than ever because, just like children, Hiro was cheering for us like we were at a prom. I can't even look at the man because I feel like he might have caught my emotions.
"That's my mom and dad," I heard Red shout, which earned applause from the kids. I chided him, but he was just snickering at me as if he knew it was just a game.
As the time came Raven and I danced on the floor to bring back what happened that night. It was our prom and I was his partner since it was the teacher who paired us. Just like that night and today, I felt like my body almost froze just holding him and him holding my waist. Damn, it's bringing back the old days.
I was smiling when I saw my kid, Rayden, crossing his arms at his chest. My smile faded and I gazed at him. I don't know when and how, but he will accept his father too—not now, but for sure he will. I’ll just tell Raven that he shouldn't give up on his baby.
***
I had assumed that Raven would leave the party and head home, but once Red and Rayden fell asleep, he helped to clean everything, and he was the one who made Red sleep while Rayden slept on his own in my room. I hope Rayden will be like Red, who is seeking a father's protection. I wanted to explain everything but it was too late.
I went to Raven's place and told him, "Are you not going home?" His gaze was unbelievably fixed on me.
"What?" I was taken aback by his statement, "You expect me to go home knowing my children and their mother were here?" Am I mistaken? I thought after this he’d flee home, after all, he has his fiancée waiting for him. It's been a month since he has been staying here with us.
"We're fine, Raven; we're used to it being just the three of us and Hiro." I remarked to him, he didn't need to worry about that because we would be fine.
"I'm here now; I won't go home until you go to my condo." He dismissed the conversation. Why do Raven and Rayden have the same personalities? It's hard for me to tame both of them!
I don't know what to do with the two of them. And it's dangerous to be back at Itacha.