Chapter 39-2

The palace was quiet as I walked the halls. I paused every once in a while to feed a fire or fiddle with one of the lit wall sconces. Guards nodded their greetings, but didn't speak to me or question what I was up to as I wandered aimlessly in search of my friend. I'd almost given up when I finally caught sight of a crop of golden blonde hair. She was sitting in one of the gardens, her lithe body curled up on wrought iron chair. Heidi didn't take her gaze from the sea as I approached. It wasn't until I was seated in a chair across from hers that she finally turned those green eyes on me. "Benson," she said in greeting, her eyes moving back to the ocean beyond the closed gate. "Heidi." Her lips twitched at the challenge in my tone. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" "Are you done sulking or are you ready to fight?" I didn't miss the way her gaze slid to me. I leaned forward, bracing my elbows on my knees as I said, "We have a meeting with Britta in half an hour." "Why?" "To discuss our place in this war." Heidi pursed her lips. "I didn't know we had a place in this war." "Well, after what happened to us—after everything that's happened to us—I say we do." She hummed in response. "And who all is invited to this meeting?" "Just you, me, and Nadia. Or, at least, we're the only people I asked to be there." "And who's leading it, you or Britta?" I shrugged. "I don't really know, to be honest." Her eyes cut to me again. "You don't look like death anymore. Nadia heal you?" I nodded. Her expression turned worried as she said, "She's really tore up about Cohen. She won't sleep and she barely eats anything. She's just—I'm not exactly good at being warm and fuzzy, but she could use that maybe." Heidi eyed me expectantly, as if she wanted me to go and tend to Nadia now. I smiled and leaned back in the chair. "I spent some time with her yesterday after she healed me. I think—" I hesitated, unsure if I should tell her about the development with Nadia's ability. No, I decided, that was a secret that was her's to share. So, I instead I just said, "I think she's in a better place now. She ate dinner with me and when I left her last night, she had plans to try to sleep. She just...she's carrying the weight of all of this." "She thinks it's her fault he won't wake up. Which is utter bullshit." "Yeah, I told her as much yesterday." "You know," Heidi said. "Nadia has like a million things she's afraid of, but none of them have anything to do with her own death. Or her own well-being. She...She's afraid to lose other people. Cohen, her family, you, me. Hell, she's even worries about strangers. It's a kind of annoying to be honest. Being a nightmare is easier—more destructive—when the person is afraid of something personally—like heights or spiders or small spaces." Her lips twitched as she said, "Or lack oxygen." I swallowed and tugged my jacket tighter around myself. "Bitch." She shot me a droll smile. "I try." "And are you actually searching for something that would hurt Nadia or...?" "No." She shoved stray strands of hair from her face and shook her head, as if the question were absurd. "Of course not. I'm—We're friends. Or, well, friendly. I just..." She shrugged and gestured lazily towards the palace behind us. "I can't help but notice. And when I thought I might have to fight her in the arena I—Well, I didn't want to kill her. But I also didn't really wanna die. So, I kind of thought about it. But there's nothing there. Her nightmares all involve other people. I mean, good goddess, Monroe. She's literally a damn saint and it's enough to make me want to kill her, except she's so nice I can't. It's infuriating, truly." "Wow, your life must be so hard." She rolled her eyes at me. "Any news on Cohen? He still dead to the world or...?" Her tone was light, but I noticed the shift in her expression, the tightness if her jaw as she said, "I mean, we don't really have time for a funeral. We've got a war to fight." I looked out towards the ocean. Off near the horizon, boats sailed. My gut tightened at the sight and, for a moment, terror seized me. What if that thing came back? Heidi followed my gaze. "They sank it." I turned to her. "What?" She nodded towards the ocean, towards the roiling waves and the overcast sky in the distance. "Darragh told me they sank it. They waited until it was in Erydian waters to do it. He told me the day before yesterday." "I thought he didn't want to sink it." She shrugged. "I think Britta changed their orders. Or maybe he decided to make a move now that he had Haniver troops under his command. I don't know. But it's at the bottom of the ocean now." "Cohen—" I turned to look at her, all teasing gone. "Cohen is still out of commission. I'm not sure...I don't know if he'll pull through. Everyone seems at a loss. It's a waiting game. But I think Nadia is in better spirits, or...I think she's coping. The fact that she left him and came to spend some time with me is a good sign. She needed to take a step away. Seeing the person you—the person you care about hurt like he's hurting, it's hard. I'm hoping it will help it we have a purpose. All of us. I think this meeting with Britta will give us some direction. Something else to focus on." "Are they serious—she and Cohen?" I hesitated, but then nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Although, I don't know that either of them is prepared to admit it yet." Heidi chewed the inside of her cheek, her expression thoughtful. When she spoke again, the snark had returned to her voice. "Funny, the two of you both have princes—well, I guess you technically had a king." I tried not to flinch at her casual use of past tense with Kai. "What about you, you aren't in love with anyone?" She stretched her arms over her head, like a cat waking from a long slumber. "After Fritz Finchum, I've decided I'm too damn young to be in love. Besides, boys are—by nature—utter shit. I think at this point, I'd rather be alone. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss having someone to kiss every once in a while. It was a good distraction." I frowned at that. "We all grew up fast, didn't we?" She nodded. "Sometimes I forget how old I am. I feel—I feel old. Too old. And—I don't know. I guess I wonder what it must be like to worry about normal fifteen-year-old things. Like boys and chores and..." Heidi sighed. "I don't really know what else. School, maybe. But whatever their worries are, they've got to be smaller than the Culling. Smaller than a war." "I'm sorry you don't get to be a normal fifteen-year-old." Heidi dusted invisible lint from her pants as she stood, her attention fixed on anything but my face as she said, "I'm not sorry. I—" She looked at me then, really looked at me. And there wasn't an ounce of malice in those nightmare eyes as she said, "Someone had to end the Culling. I'm glad it was us. Even if we traded our childhood for it, I'm glad it dies here." She held out a hand to help me up. For a moment, I hesitated. In that instant, Heidi's gaze wavered and she started to pull back from me, the rejection of it flashing across her face with such vulnerability that it broke my heart. But before she could step away, I caught her hand and, without missing a beat, she pulled me up. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other—not sizing up an opponent, just looking at a friend. A small, hesitant smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, but before she could say anything else, I shoved her shoulder lightly. "I'm glad it dies with us too."